Sunday, 19 May 2013




 The tribesmen:  We're only making plans for Nigel, 
the noo, d'ye ken?

Don't know how he would have got on, on the field of Agincourt or at Bannock Burn, the cowardly, whining git. The  PBC's Question Time, a fraudulent, rigged and unrepresentative current affairs panel show,  peopled with drunks, whores, liars, stooges, hacks and slags is more his forte

The political elite, left to right, Shitmouth Farage, Janet Teeth-Porter, Liam FoxyLadyman,(minus adviser-not-boyfriend) MP, with Baron Dimbleby of the PBC.

 FuckFace is comfortable in the pretend cut and thrust  of  predictable, safe questions from the hereditary national broadcaster and a bunch of studio audience stiffs, equally up their own shitpipes,  all  just thrilled to be on TeeVee, taking part in Democracy, clapping like fucking seals, drooling over Farage's  every nasty,  tub-thumping, rabble-rousing, uber-Tory cliche; Mussolini in a waxed jacket.

He is, himself,  a cat-calling, obnoxious bully - or at least that is how he presents himself in his overpaid job in Strasbourg, a noisy, ill-mannered,  faux John Bull, ranting from his seat, 

And I put it to you, Sir, whoever you are, that you are a cunt  and that your country, Belgium, is a country of cunts.

ostensibly at some unelected EU bureaucrat - and who, by the way, and for fuck's sake,  elects jerkoffs like Farage and that other slag, wotsisname, Hannah, pretend MEP and  full-time hack at the  Filth-O-Graph, along with part-time pretend mayor and full-time hack, gabshite albino Fuckbunny Johnson

 nobody I know gives a monkey's about MEPs, other than seeing them as just one more layer of leeching,  shit-eating, shameless,  moneygrubbing wretches, Lady Kinnock, for instance, signing-in to her supposed  MEP job to claim her several hundred pounds daily attendance allowance, immediately leaving the building, getting a taxi to the airport, flying home to Wales on an easyJet cramp-o-cruise flight and then charging us for a full-price, executive class BA flight,

Rt Hon  thieving Welsh pigs.

 the pissstinky, shitfaced old slag, robbing us three times over within an hour or two -  but the hapless Eurocrat isn't bullyboy Nigel's target, his tasteless juvenile remarks are actually aimed at the editors of the Filth-O-Graph and other scabby, right-wing rags - ie all of them, the entire shitcarnival of MediaMinster,  the Mirror, left-wing?  Fuck off.  Have you seen or heard Toilets Maguire recently?  

For a few quid more.
Toilets enhances his journalistic credibility, doing panto on Jocky Neil's This Week show. Worthless cunt.

The Guardian, greatest liberal voice in the world? Fuck off - owned by unaccountable fuckpigs, edited by vicious drunken degenerates.  Look at me, editors,  he gobs, Look at how I'm standing-up for  whatever it is.  Look at me, straight-talking Nigel Farage, I'll offend anyone who can't fight back. But  fuck me gently, a wee bit of harmless shitmongering from some Scottish  FairyTribesmen, some fuckoff jibes fired in his direction   and Well, it's an affront to democracy itself - ie Farage.  

Help, help. Don't you know who I am? 
 I'm the leader of a  bunch of raging nutters;
  I demand that you shoot these Scotch people.

The man's an arse, anyway you look at him. I smoked cigarettes from when I was thirteen until I was forty-five, and I know that the only thing to do about smoking is stop it, fuck those death-peddling bastards that Kenny Clarke used to work for. 

Look at me, how so cool am I, children? 
A true British drug addict.

Squadron Leader Farage doesn't even know that much, thinks it's cool, walking around in his Jeremy coat, smoking himself to death, pint in his hand,  fingers in our pockets, head up his arse.

The squadron leader in a previous moment of triumph.

The man's an arse, also, because he could have stood and might have won either of those two by-elections, especially the one in  Huhne's former constituency but he didn't have the balls to risk losing, instead putting-up  this dreadful old totty, Diane James and then pretending that Ack-chew-alee, 

It's heads I win, tails she loses

 Y'know what, my fellow Little Englanders, ack-chew-alee, she ack-chew-alee  won, 

Thank you for electing me, even though you didn't. 

Yes, I know she came second but  ack-chew-alee she ack-chew-alee came first.  This is arse-logic, his mouth's all brown.  From talking shit

This Edinburgh event  was a fabulous opportunity for Farage.  Jock, unless he is in an ambushing,  thousands-strong, back-shooting  horde,  is a cowardly wee rodent. All  Farage had to do was just stand up to the few who were goading him and they'd soon have been embracing him, like a long-lost clansman.

Aye, a man's a man for a' that.
Tribesmen in national, flashers' costume.

 And he would, really, for once, have been the man of the hour, instead of just the cheaply opportunistic, promise 'em anything beneficiary of a national sense of ennui frustration and rage at the thieving fucking bastards, shitting in our faces from the Great Latrine of State.

Mr Tiny Speaker: Order-order, 
shitters to the right, shitters to the left;
the shitters have it, the shitters have it.
Cheers, waving of toilet, sorry, order papers.

 If you are fed up with political parties then why not vote for another one, which I haven't even made-up yet;  that's the smart  thing to do, says former stockbroker, Nigel, and don't forget,  I could be earning much more money if I was still working in the City, instead of working so hard drumming-up bigotry, hatred  and stupidity.   Since his arrival  in  Strasbourg,  Farage has claimed several millions of taxpayer pounds in expenses, from which he pays his Mrs to do  some Micky Mouse job, rather like the unspeakable Whispering  Ian Duncan-Smith, the Quiet Man, bunged, sorry, paid his Mrs, Betsy for, well, for being his wife. 

Crass,  bent, cowardly, gobby and stupid,  no different in any respect from  all the rest of them; no wonder a handful of tribesmen had him running away, whining,   like a big girl. 

It was a good day. Farage looked like the shifty, slimy, nasty,  gutless wonder that he really is. The wobbly, bribe-taking,  fat turd and would-be King-Elect, Salmond, 

The tranny who would be King.

 completely fucked-up his response to the event, fearful of upsetting his arsey tartan stormtroopers but offending both togetherists and separatists; his little ship is sinking, for now, no matter how many dodgy, boring misfits he trots out to the Jock Meeja. 

 Best of all, the quiet majority in England andWales, watching all this Tory-UKIP shit, bemused, will have had a good giggle at Mr Loudmouth's  girly discomfort.  Vote for me. You can count on me to run away.



Chris Bryant, MP,  posing for a gay contact mag.
What kind of people do this shit?

Former vicar, rentboy and now happily civilly partnershipped front bench Labour spokesgay, Mr Chris Bryant,  announced his jubilation today following the new  French legislation  - une acte pour encourager le marriage propre et sacre des poufs et des munchers de carpets mutante -   passed by the French parliament.  It is truly modern and forward-looking and once such an act is passed here,  by honourable and right honourable sluts and slags in the commons,  the next logical thing will be to make heterosexuality illegal.  I mean, there is simply no place in a modern, tolerant Britain for men putting their cocks in women and even having children.                                                


robbo said...

A wonderful start to my sunday morning, pissing myself laughing, you are sir the best blogger on the net

Arthur said...

Could it just be a Gallic ploy to reduce the population through death and disease?

Callme ishmael said...

Is that gay-lick ploy, mr a?

There certainly seems to be a bizarre, contradictory enthusiasm for normalising the abnormal.

I don't know any homosexual men; I have done and some of them I've liked and some of them I haven't and I never wanted to persecute any of them, or anyone else for that matter, even when it was official policy so to do. But large numbers of them now seek to browbeat me into a position which I not hold. I have said before that the idea of homosexual marriage is so unQueer, so unOther that bold, courageous trailblazing gays of thirty years ago , people like Quentin Crisp,must wonder why they bothered.

mongoose said...

Personally I don't give a monkey's but why is there this - almost coordinated - international political will to enshrine gay marriage? What has happened that anybody cares? I mean - either way, who does care?

Is it by any chance displacement activity? The world being on its financial knees, political types could not be perhaps looking for something, anything really, to take attention away from their helplessness. The gigantic real world forces that are tearing apart the so-called political consensus of the Old World it seems cannot be resisted. The 100-year experiment of pretend wealth and therefore pretend funding of ever-growing public expenditure has yielded its results. Look in the lab-book and you will see "Skint. Failed. Hypothesis falls." The question remains the same but we need a new answer. Fag-ash Farage ain't it btw but he is at least entertainment. (The Canons Gait is a great pub btw. I'd quite like to be locked in there.)

call me ishmael said...

In the same sense as you, O destroyer of serpents, I don't give a monkey's but in another sense I do. It may be a displacement activity, both Hollande and Cameron are way, way out of their depths but might it also be some sort of quid pro quo in advance, as it were, just as crass as that, a pitch for the pink vote and the pink opinion formers, of whom there are disproportionately too many. Might the next manifesto subtext be, If you love arse, vote Tory ?

As to who cares, I think that lots of people care that a publicly declared, witnessed, solemn, sacramental contract which they entered has been retrospectively altered, extended, downgraded, take your pick, many on the other hand, will just see it as the impertinent, unmandated over-reach of a meddling and bullying political caste.

People do care about it mr m, not just on queer-bashing grounds. I'm married, I dunno, twentyfive, thirty years and I care about it. You know me, I'm liberal but to a degree, I want everybody to be free but if you think I'd let Carmina Trimingham-Carpet move in next door and marry my daughter you must think I'm crazy.

I think, further, that if Cameron doesn't form another quasi party or engineer another coalition then this gay marriage stuff, never mind all the other shit, will lose him the Tory vote, maybe it already has.

I resisted saying that If Farage is the answer we are asking the wrong question. I agree that his impact on the troughers is entertaining but find it a bit creeepy, how quickly his act has corpsed, is yesterday's news. Him and Nadine, wow.

mongoose said...

Whatever swarms there are in media circles, Mr I, there are insufficient professional Tatchellesque gay votes for them to be worth chasing. So that is not the objective.

A bit of "research" - aka wiki it - shows that once again folk used to be able to do as they pleased until the religious police happened upon the scene. It seems to be a Judeo-Christian interdict against gay marriage. Quelle surprise, as they say in Benidorm. And I do think that I don't care. Should gay folk have the same rights and privileges, and protections before the law as everyone else? Of course, they should but it does not keep me awake. Is the M-word somehow debased by gays sharing it?No, and no, I don't care about that.

I care that the world is burning and politicians think we are so stupid as to be distracted by this tosh. Fuck that, get to bloody work, you swine!

call me ishmael said...

You may not care about it, mr m, but lots of people do, one guy arguing last week that this wasn't about equality but uniformity - even if you set aside those dissenters who are anti-gay - and they are quite entitled to be so, Christ knows, there's enough heterophobia - you are still left with an illogical and unreasonable piece of legislation, especially so given the denial of civil partnershipism to heterosexuals.

As for EarthCrime, well, these things are all of a piece - an undemocratic, in this case unelected political caste doing exactly as it pleases without mandate or the possibility of citizen redress.