Thursday, 9 May 2013


Hello viewers, if you're in poverty and desperate for a bit of money, I have somehting really important to say to you, in my cultivated but genial, erudite but friendly way.

 And you just know you can trust me, because I'm off the BBC, I'm that decrepit old queen who's been poncing a living there for, well you know, sometimes it seems like forever and then, at other times,  it seems like Just A Minute!

 Mr Nicholas Parsons of WongaRobUBlind plc

The thing is, you see, that at Wonga Loans you can decide how quickly you want to repay the loan - and some of our customers actually do - or, when you fall into difficulty, here at Wonga we'll only charge you interest at just over two thousand per cent per year.
It doesn't matter how poor you are, here at Wonga we'll take you on and in less than JustAMinute! you'll be even poorer.

Go on, get into more debt than you ever dreamed of. Trust me, I'm Nicholas Parsons. Off Radio Four.

They should sack this rancid old creep. 
Not bad enough that my license money goes to keep nonces in  fresh young meat
 but now this slimy old shitbag, whose only credential is his BBC presence,  is encouraging diabolical usury.  


Old timer said...

Mr Ish, You should have completed this one with a video of Freddy Mercury and the Boys singing "Radio Gaga". How appropriate the words to that song are!

Stan said...

For years I thought it was Knickerless Parson....a bit like Defrocked Vicar.

Woman on a Raft said...

I just had a look at his wiki as I was getting him mixed up with someone else.

Parsons has long supported the Liberal Democrats and was invited to stand as a Liberal candidate for Yeovil in the 1970s, but he turned down the opportunity to remain in the entertainment industry.

You know my views on Liberal Democrats. They ain't fit to repeat on a 'spectable blog.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, mine too, mrs woar; nasty bastards, all of them, ever since the so-called Gang of Four, Owen and Rodgers and Jenkins and that dreadful old harpy know-it-all, Williams.

Somehow people don't realise that 'twas the Libs - SDP gang who split the Left and let Thatcher run riot for so long and now they are doing it with this shower of mad incompetents. How is it, with such a history, that they can claim to be Of The Left. Unless of course, copraphagia, attempted murder, money laundering and child molestation are distinctly left-wing pursuits.

At Redneck Central, over at the Filth-O-Graph, the elderly, apoplectic masturbating horde of ex-pat commenters is convinced that the fragrant Farage will see LibDemmery annihilated; I personally think that annihilation is much too good for them.

jgm2 said...

I haven't seen the ads Mr I but I trust your report that they do exist. I don't know what the fucking hold-up is with shutting these evil fuckers down. Interests rates of 2000% beamed into our living rooms. They must work (the ads) because otherwise Wonga et al would be out of business.

What I cannot understand is why they aren't shut down by return of post. 2000% is a fucking outrage. The Mafia would be fucking embarrassed asking for that kind of interest.

That Carol-fucking-Vorderman was the one that started it all off during the Imbecility. Fronting for Ocean Finance on daytime TV. 'Oh, look, it's that brainy one who's good with numbers recommending we consolidate all our debts into one easy-to-pay loan and perhaps treat ourself to a holiday with the money we saved...get us a pen love, while I write down their number...'

Wicked woman.

yardarm said...

These loan sharks have clout. From his Wiki a dosh juggler called Beecroft is involved with Wonga and is a major shareholder in the Top Hatters plc.

The Mongols sometimes executed people by drowning/choking them by pouring small pebbles down their throats. Loan sharks could be dealt with the same way only by poring coins into their gobs. It would be a good way to get rid of those bloody annoying five pence pieces.

As for Nicholas bloody Parsons: Liberal ? Entertainer in the 70`s ?
He must be next one up before the Noncefinder Pursuivant.

call me ishmael said...

Parsons foolishly allowed a documetary to be made about himself, in 2000. He was as phonmy and pretentioius and snooty as yu would expect; the awful thing was that it included footage of him with his grandchildren and they, too, looked at him with incredulity, horror, loathing and infant contempt. he really does think that he is some ettiquetteiste noire, some national master of ceremonies. Only Death will deliver him from his ghastly pretence.

mongoose said...

In any sane country, the Wonga/pay-Day-Loan swine would dangling from lampposts, Parkinson, Parsons and Vorderman too, their heels twirling gently in the breeze.

call me ishmael said...

She's found her level, though, hasn't she, Caz? Cheap Women, is it, Loose Women, Slags? something like that Scabby baggages mouthing-off about shit. Oh and she's modelling for Mutton2Lamb WonderFashions, too.

This uncontrollable need that some people have to be on telly, no matter what it is, no matter how unwholesome and undignified, what's it all about?

Vorederman can't need the money, Germaine Greer can't need the money, Joan Bakewell, Esther Rantzen - I saw old DogFace Rantzen on some ridiculous quiz show the other day, making a complete public fool of herself. As if her MP campaign wasn't bad enough.

Wotsername does that funeral expenses schtick, too, you know, the Brummie lass, almost but not quite a national treasure, Julie Walters is it, Waters, maybe. And Mrs One-Foot-In-The-Grave, Annett - Oh, tush now, none of us would want to be caught out, would we, dying poor? - Crosbie.

I long to wake up one morning and have Mrs Ishmael say to me It's all over the news, somebody's bombed the BAFTAs AND the OSCARS, all of showbiz is wiped out, there they were, hypocritically congratulating one another and then Boom! They're all dead. And Broadcasting House.

The males, the Forsyths and the Tom Joneses, they were never anything but laughable and contemptible. I dunno, maybe it's being a motherless child, maybe it's fathering no sons, maybe it's my early Presbyterianism but I expect,no, expect is too strong, I would be gladdened by something different, them being both the birthers and the layers-out, not to mention being the bleeders. Is that unfair?