I'm going to be the King, y'know, if only my mother'd die. Before I do. I bet you're married to a right little raver.
And we are joined here in the studio on this historic, grovelling, brown-nosing day by Colonel Rupert Golightly Jockstrap,
Former Colonel Richard Kemp,
now of skymadeupnewsandfilth.
Colonel Richard Kemp, while you were in Afghanistan, did the Prince of Wales ever fuck your Mrs?
I am most deeply sorry to say that such a singular honour has never been mine. Like most senior officers I have made the old thing available to Haitch, as we call him, matter of one's duty to the Crown, really but sadly he has never been so good as to oblige me, or her; there are many officers' wives for a Prince to get around and one can't always be lucky, I suppose.
Well, alright, then, did you ever bang the late Princess of Wales, like wotsisname, Harry's dad - Hewitt? - that's it, Hewitt ?
Well, Kirsty, I would of, of course, would of loved to slip the old soldier up her Khyber Pass, what, the dirty bitch,
Diana, Princess of Wales
and Forces Sweetheart
well Hewitt's, anyway.
but I fear that her dalliance with Captain Hewitt proved her last military engagement and she concentrated thereafter on working her way through the list of NHS surgeons and of course the Arab shopkeeper's son, which caused her unfortunate traffic accident and no more dipping soldiers in her eggs, what? Not even wog ones, which she'd learned to admire, filthy slut
But isn't it great for the common people, His Nibs going out there...?
Certainly is, Kirsty, gets me on the show again, for one thing - and y'know.old soldiers never die they just swarm all over the meeja like the pox in an infantry regiment - and it lets the nation reappraise the Prince, or Haitch, as he is known to his intimates - not my wife unfortunately - and his qualities of heroism and what a frightfully good job his batman does of dressing him, although it's probably batmen; I mean, if you contrast his immaculate appearance with that of the snot-eating fairy from Downing St you can see why the one's a Prince and the other's a scruffy old queen.
Field Marshal Gordon Snot
leaving a Cabinet meeting.
And will we win in Afghanistan, Colonel von Kemp, formerly of the Queens Own RedTrouser NancyBoys and now of skymadeupnewsandfilth?
Win, of course we will. And even if we don't we'll say we have. So there, Job done, Keep The Homefires burning, only not under my mrs, not unless you're the Prince of Wales, what?
The useless, smarmy, pampered, idle, ruinous, lazy, Highness bastard, good for fuck all and don't start me on the tourist trade, is seen here with Ishmaelia regular, Rory Stewart, OBE, Keeper Pursuivant and Wielder Rampant of the Royal Afghani Foreskin Flannel, patronising some nignogs.
I say, you chaps can have four wives, can't you? Well, I can have as many as I like, doncha know, other people's, mind, best way.
8 comments:
In a way I feel sorry for Charlie got married to the "Queen of Tarts" because Nick the Greek told hom too. Got divorced because his Kraut mother told him too so he will be starting work at an age when the rest of us are retiring. Just have a look at her photo in 1981 ane the ones just before she snuffed it who the fuck paid for that? Now's he married to a horse impersonator and bringing up that ginger twat with my money. On the other hand she did a lot for "charity" 36 years old when she popped her clogs left 31 million I never knew nursery nurses were that well paid as for 'charity" left the fucking lot to millionaires.
Anon, didn't she get 25 million for divorcing Charlie?
I thought it was about thirty, given to her by Brenda - ie us - which sum her death neatly returned to the firm, via, as John Major unctuously pronounced them, without a shred of evidence, these two magnificent young men.
It is true that Diana left not a farthing to charity. Probably wasn't expecting to depart so swiftly and meant to do it later, silly cow.
Still, HRH's PR team have rehabilitated him perfectly, as yesterday shows; kneepads all around at the BBC
If he is a Royal Highness does that make me a Common Lowness?
I am not so sure about the wives thing, mr ishmael: such rumours as I have heard have suggested that HRH's interests do not really lie in that direction.
Just, mr anonymous, that his long-time rogering of the wife of Col Parker-Bowles was in contravention of military etiquette, among officers, anyway, jolly bad form to bang a fellow officer's wife, and another example of His Royal Spoilt Bratness; I doubt he is as beloved of the military as the Beeb would have us believe. His own Service career was a disaster, wasn't it, didn't he ground HMS Bronington and run an aircraft off the runway, disciplinary, board of enquiry matters for mere mortals, no sanction for Aitch; swinging both ways, as per the rumours and the vicious Palace discrediting of the last complainant would seem highly likely to me, the man's a fucking monster, noncing that poor,mad Spencer girl, wouldn't be at all surprised if he buggered the below stairs gang. His martyred uncle had form for similar didn't he, Dickie?
Why did Brenda suddenly remember a letter to or a conversation with Burrell, just before Aitch would have had to go in the witness box; why did HM Inland Revenue, not pursue the investigation into him flogging off all the gifts he received and trousering the cash?
This guy is bad shit, and whatever we say about him here won't come anywhere near what he's due but worse is the way that the politicians and skymadeupnewsandfilth pander to him and his horsefaced Nazi bint, to the extent that we are led to believe he has led a blameless, principled life of service to others, the horrible, poncing,bullying,idle reprobate. Up against the wall, motherfucker.
Sorry, I pressed publish in a rush.mr ishmael, I was anonymous 00.38.
Yes, I do think he is seriously messed-up; and, as far as I can make out, the military attitude to him, as expressed by my dear the former mr narcolept anyway, is that he is seriously C3, psychologically unsuited to military service, a waste of rations, but that theirs is not to reason why and england expects etc; and that everyone concerned, except perhaps the poor silly girl he married, knew exactly what the score was, that his is a face greatly improved by a beard. But mdtfmn didn't really know, I don't think, just took an instinctive and heartfelt dislike to the POW and his very odd entourage. Perhaps we will never know the truth - do we ever, about those with the power and the money? - but I hope the whole ridiculous charade will end with HMQ.
I fear we will be disappointed in that hope, mrs n, but we must live in hope.
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