My young friend, stanislav, coined this phrase because he thought it was true, that Scotland was the best place you could go in England, like a different country but not. I hope that Scotland stays part of England and England part of Scotland. Gordon Snot, however, Tony Blair, Jack Torture and all the other monsterbandits of NewLabour - just think of them for a moment, Geof Hoon, Steven Byers, Alan Milburn, Des Browne, Bob Ainsworth, Tessa Jowell, Blind Boy Blunkett. Jacqui Schmidt, John Thug Reid, NewLabour's own Little Big Man; Peter Mandelstein, Alastair Campbell and John Prescott, what utter filth - what they achieved in Scotland, their nursery, their homeland, was unprecedented, The monumentally rotten JockLabour party was thrown out of the local parliament by a disgusted electorate, people like myself, who voted for the wee fat pig Salmond, rather than return Jack McConnell's band of thieving incompetents; so overwhelming was this protest vote that what should never have happened did happen, the proportional representation incorporated into Scottish elections should have seen no party with an overall majority, exactly what Salmond obtained, what allowed hom to seek an immediate referendum and since then has allowed him to divert my taxes from scoolzanospitals into naked and unconstitutional propagandising, local councils are muzzled, public employees bullied into silence and senior public sector appointees do nothing but Salmond's bidding, hopeful of an even more lucrative sinecure, perhaps an ambassadorship, come the glorious day. This has all happened as a result of Jock Labour's generations-old rottenness and of the wicked agendas of NewLabour UK plc.
Tonight there is to be a televised debate between the wee fat fucker and Alastair Darling, the man Snotty couldn't sack but a man nonetheless tainted by his and Blair's record. It will be fucking awful. Salmond, repulsive, will be smirking and smarming like a stand-up comic at Butlins holiday camp; Darling will be pathetic, the only elder statesmen of a discredited government who dare show his face, some bloated Jock oaf will try to enstature himself by facetiously acting like some grand adjudicator, you know the type, good for fuck all, much less smart enough to hold either or these two jumped-up pricks to account, but he'll be a member of MacMediaMinster and thus worthy of great respect from the voters. He's a cunt. Whoever he is. You can out money on it.
This, in punditland, is the make or break for both men. Bollocks, it's nothing of the sort. The vile, immature reptile tribesmen will vote for Salmond if he were to stand on stage with dick in his hand, pssing on the lectern; people like me won't, simple.
Much is made of converting the undecideds, my view is that if they are undecided at this stage, can be swayed by a wee bit of bollocks telly, they shouldn't have the fucking vote in the first place. morons. Och, I need tae see how yon Darling goes, if he's afeart a that Alec Salmond, afore I make me mind up, d'ye ken. It is all bollocks this election, it is simply a test of whether or not enough people have the sense to stay with the lesser of two evils. I suspect and hope that just enough do. All that we need remember is that Salmond learned his grubby, bullyboy tricks in the bars and knocking shops of the Westminster he so decries; that he is as keen, as fervent in his self-justification of criminal expenses as are they all; that he is ever up for a freebie and that he cannot, will not tell the truth, lest it undo his corset of patriotism and spill his rank guts all over his trouser belt; that, as usual, he is one of them, pretending to be one of us.
I'll go and warm the telly up.