Friday, 29 August 2014


"All we can do, which is what I am doing now - which is what I think everybody is doing, across Parties by the way - is to say 'please, do the decent thing, stand aside because you have to take responsibility' and then, then let's try - with the police, of course, South Yorkshire Police taking the lead - to go after the perpetrators because a lot of these perpetrators of this abuse are still walking free."

What, me, resign, too?  Should have resigned years ago? Why on Earth should I? I am the deputy prime minister and I have helped deliver whatever it is that Mr Cameron says it is, although with a distinct emphasis on whatever it is I say it is.  Next question, please. Mr Smith?  Oh I think that was all a very long time ago,  there has been a lot of semen over the children,
 You're quite pretty, aren't you, Davy, lad?

I mean water under the bridge since Cyril did those things, if he did do them, which, I must remind listeners, he was never convicted of.  

Lord Steel? Why on Earth should he resign?

Not investigating a series of crimes is not in itself a crime. Except in  Rochdale, or, of course, in any other place which takes the heat off the govament. His Grace the Lord Steel should not resign, of course he shouldn't, all he did was not take seriously very serious allegations of serious child abuse  against one of his MPs, scarcely grounds for anyone to resign. But the gentleman in Rochdale, what he did, ignoring very serious allegations of child abuse, well, he simply must resign.

Mr Huhne, why should I resign over him?  All he did was lie his arse off for ten years, to the police, to the party, to the house and to the courts, bully his mad old wife into criminal behaviour and piss on his constituents.  What on Earth has that to do with me? I may know, instinctively, in my DNB - is it DNB? No? DNC, then, whatever -  because I'm a Tory,  and a singularly clever and very expensively educated one -  I know exactly what is best for every single person in ths country - and, yes, his dog, his dog, too - but I can't be expected to know if my deputy's up to no good.

 Next question, please and can it not be about my party?
Mr Laws?  Am I saying that being a benefits cheat is compatible with being in govament, rounding-up other benefits cheats? 
 No, of course I'm not. What I'm saying is that there are very compelling reasons for Mr Laws to  be back in the govament even though he is a shameless, greedy, thieving, fucking slag.  What are they? Well, firstly, we are all shameless, greedy, thieving, fucking slags. And that's the main thing.  In any decent country.  That people look out for one another.  The second thing is that he's very, very rich, Mr Laws, and so didn't really need to steal the benefits, so that obviously puts him in a separate class from those poor people who steal money because they need it to live. I mean, obviously, you wouldn't treat a rich thief the same as a poor one, would you? 
And the third reason? Well, he's gay, enough said, I feel, on Mr Laws.   No, no, I'm definitely not saying that gay people are beyond the law, just those in parliament.  Or local govament. Or the meeja  Yes, if you like, MediaMinster folk. And anyway, it was only fifty grand he stole. And, I must remind naysayers, that he did pay it back. Once he was found out.

But please, we are here to talk about other people who have done wrong and not resigned. Not David Steel and I.  Can we please have a question not about LibDems or Tories or whatever we are?

Lord Fatty Rennard? 

Am I saying that I should have kicked his bloated arse out of the party?  Just  for groping all those subordinate women? Of course I'm not. Even though I should  have done. 

But actually, d'you know what, I'm a democrat and I am proud to lead a party that doesn't sack people, just because they've been grabbing womens' tits.  I mean, where would that lead? I'll tell you where it would lead. We'd just wind up losing all the people of power, influence and money.

And I feel quite proud to have. as my justice seckatry, a repulisve old degenerate hypocrite, who, although he is gay himself, trashed his electoral opponent for being gay, Mr Straight Simon Hughes. along with all those distinguished and selfless men above, personifies everything that is good and noble about this great Liberal Democrat party.

".....a lot of these perpetrators of this abuse are still walking free."

Says Clegg, leader of the Mr Clean party, outraged.  That the leader of this gang of filth, crooks, liars, bullies, hypocrites,  thieves, gaybashers, warmongers, racists and beasts has the effrontery to call on anyone to resign,  absolutely anyone,  even  this Sticking-To-My-Mandate cocksucker, wossisname, the bloke in Rochdale, fuck it,  I don't wanna know his fucking name, that somebody as venal and vile and corrupt as Nick Clegg can go on air and demand another's resignation, is staggering. 

mr mongoose, yesterday, was enquiring how far down Ruin's highway we had travelled; this, Clegg, this is how far we have come.


SG said...

A very fair and balanced view of the man and his party Mr I. If anything a little generous perhaps... What's that old saying about them? Oh yes - neither Liberal nor Democratic.

callmeishmael said...

I thought I would due of hysteria, so much was I laughing at the sound of Clegg, moralising.

Caratacus said...

Oi. Cleggy. Don't forget Jeremy Thrope (see Peter Cook) ... who couldn't even carry out the simplest murder without cocking it up. Or Mark Oaten and his peculiar dietary arrangements. Or Mrs. Kennedy's little boy who could be a nasty bastard if he'd been on the turps of a lunchtime.

A reasonable man would be entitled to conclude that such behaviour would seem almost to be a prerequisite for membership of the LDP.

callmeishmael said...

I think they all get a mention in a post awhile back, your majesty, The Scum Also Rises, I never forget their contribution to Ruin but honestly I nearly choked, yesterday, not just at Clegg's impertinence but at - is it that lardmountain, Ferero, is it, some gobby slob - at anyone permitting him to get away with it.

Anonymous said...

Mr Ish,

you left out "Paedos" in your end paragraph.

Alphonse said...

May be the party needs the word VERY as the first word in it's name. Although what we could call the other two heaps of rotting inhumanity beats me.

mongoose said...

That is a bit harsh on the Clegg Monster, Mr Ishmael. He is, after all, better than the past good few incumbents at the DogShooters. (This is faint praise, I know, but credit where it is due.)

The real disappointment is that this is where everyone wants us to go. This is the logical terminus of the No More Boom And Bust Express - mediocre minority government bastards striving to keep their backsides on their chairs around the cabinet table. Wilson or Heath? Who gives a monkey's?

The other half of me says that he who governs least governs best but it is too late in the afternoon for that liberal bullshit given the godawful state of affairs we have arrived at.

callmeishmael said...

True enough, it is the European way, myriad coalitions against the governed. But If you think it's bad there, mr mongoose, you should pop up North, for a weekend. The more I hear of nationalism, the more I wonder why is its voice so bitter? How very much worse might things yet be?

Bungalow Bill said...

As predicted on here, we are about to be locked down and smothered by strutting cops with big guns because, as Winston Cameron quite rightly instructs us, we are facing a bigger security threat from the Islaminutters than anything this country has ever faced before. And Captain Theresa May agrees with him. So that's fair enough then and we'd better listen to what's good for us. Fucking hilarious, fucking tragic.

mrs narcolept said...

He gets cartloads of derision and abuse from the listening public, though, every time Nick Ferrari lets him loose to make a pillock of himself. Sometimes less is more.

SG said...

I see someone has set about Galloway. You've nae been away for the weekend or owt like that have you Mr I?

callmeishmael said...

I don't, thankfully, receive Mr Ferrari's broadcast up here, mrs marcolept, so it is good. to hear that Mrs Clegg's wee boy is told of his shortcomings.

For most of my life I would have happily described myself as small l liberal on many matters - prison, drugs, human rights - now, even the use of that qualified word, thanks to such ss those pictured above, is denied me, sticks in my throat. Clegg and Hughes and Co., they have made liberal a dirty word.

mongoose said...

Courage, mon brave. Stand firm, Mr I, you slacker. Small-l liberal is the only political label worth wearing. True though, you'll find no liberals in the LibDems.

callmeishmael said...

Thank you. Talking of which, mr mongoose, courage and being liberal and all, did you see the TeeVee show about children thrown in the Pen, Stateside? One sixteen-year old given sixty-five years for a gang shooting. If you cried, you know you'd fill a lake with tears. It is truly a MadHatter's world, wherin we look to our beasting Uncle Sam for leadership. Well, I don't but you know what I mean.

mongoose said...

I didn't see that, Mr I, alas. Although one can imagine. Lets see... ghettoes full of black folk in the jug for generally being poor, failed by the education system and/or doing drugs? Isn't it now 1 in 100 Americans in the can? Madness. Bring me your huddled masses, eh.