Thursday, 26 September 2013

NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOWBUSINESS

Good evening and welcome to this, a very sad Parkinson Show with me, Michael Parkinson.
And it is my very sad duty on this, the Parkinson Show, with me, Michael Parkinson, to tell you that one of our very greatest living entertainers, -  well, for the time being, anyway, living, that is - Sir Billy Connolly, a man who we are proud to say we brought to the world back in the days of the early Parkinson Shows with me, Michael Parkinson, has arse cancer.  Now, I know, I know, that many will say, in my view unkindly, that this is what happens when you have your head stuck up your own arse for most of your life, blethering  on about your wife and your girrrls, and your friendship with the Duke and Duchess of Pork, and your estate in Scotland and all your luvvie friends but that would be, as I say, unkind, most unkind.



I often  get asked: what's my favourite  interview? Tough question.
But I would like to say, perhaps to people suffering from prostrate cancer that if they want to leave their loved ones more than happy memories they should consider the SunLife over fifties plan.  You can't get cover cheaper than this.  So, Billy, if you think you might survive the qualifying period of two years then I recommend this plan to you.  You get a welcome gift for signing-up for this shit and you also get a free Parker pen, just for enquiring.
 terms and conditions apply and you might lose every penny you pay in if that's what we decide.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Parkinsons disease is caused by being arse kissed in interviews with Michael Parkinson. Billy Connolly, Mohammed Ali and Emu are the most notable victims of the free parker penned tosser. Rod Hull couldn't live without Emu so he hurled himself of the roof after fixing his TV aerial. It was his way of saying no to the Parky funding TV licence.... Possibly.

Rich

Rightwinggit said...

"As slippery as Rod Hull's roof" is in the Profanisaurus.

Probably.

the king of rough-up - rip said...

although rod hull was unquestionably a pillar of moral support to his celebrity bird and partner-in-performance, i believe that he has received an undue degree of artistic credit which has had the unfortunate effect of leaving the real star of the act, the fearless visionary and boundary-busting scriptwriter behind all the minutely pre-planned stage-direction of the duo's painstakingly pre-rehearsed sketches, in the lonely unsung shadowy wings of showbiz legend.

i of course refer to the artist known as emu, whose legendary hand-up improvisations have ensured his undisputed perch in the anals of stage-history as the greatest comic genius of all time.

biting comedy said...

yeah, the artist formerly known as emu definitely pecked parky's prostate...

...he is sorely missed.

every time i hold my dick i think of him said...

as a comedian i was never truly conscious before being introduced to emu - his commitment to human rights was simply unparalleled - and after having the honour of visiting him in his natural habit in kent, in the white people's fatherland, i was so humbled by the enormity of the experience that i never used the phrase 'that motherfucking bird' ever again...

every time i think of him i hold my dick said...

maybe i should say...

Alphons said...

It funny how "exposure" made Parky such a prat.I remember when he use to write a back page sports column for the old Sunday Times, way back when the world was a more civilised place.
He has a nice turn of phrase and a sound sense of humour.
Mind you I am a Tyke myself.

call me ishmael said...

I know what you mean, mr alphons, in his no-teevee years he wrote for the Filth-O-Graph Sports section and he was OK if you like that kinda thing, though there are far, far superior sports journos. But on his show he was always just one of God's arselickers - That's fascinating, Mr Peck, now please tell us some other ways in which you are wonderful; Mr Niven, you are adored all over the world, especially by myself, and now you are a a wonderful writer, too, have you always been so talented? He was a nauseating, grovelling showbiz cocksucker but what I really hated about the smarmy git was the way he feasted on the decline and death of George Best, a man who gave more pleasure to the world in half an hour than this fucking shithead has in his whole shabby, poncing life. I don't like Michael Parkinson.

call me ishmael said...

The Profanisaurus isn't what it was - or I'm not what I was. I cancelled my subscription to Viz a good while back now, the blokes running it are all old men, now, like us mr rwg.