HELL ORDERS NUCLEAR-POWERED FURNACE.
This is the news of a ten-billion souls deal, struck by the Beelezebub Energy Corporation (reg. office Down Below) with the French Government to acquire a billion-kiloton nuclear reactor.
We have a new guest arriving any moment, said CEO of HellCorp, Mr Satan,
and we would not wish him to feel cold, cool or even comfortable, not for a moment of Eternity. Yes, yes, I know it is a long time, you don't need to tell me, sonny, I sometimes feel as though I've been here forever. But that's the business I'm in, eternal torment; that's what it says on the tin, that's my mission statement; if I say Eternal Roasting, then that's what I deliver. What, Clergypersons? Yes, my best customers; roasting in the beginning, roasting now and roasting for evermore. Amen, so be it.
M-sieu Hollande, the diminutive, cock-waving philanderer and socialiste turncoat president of France is due to join us in the not very distant future and in exchange for a place some distance from the heating system has agreed to give us the furnace on favourable terms, ie freely, or for free as you folks so inelegantly say, up there.
We shall very soon, in my terms, anyway, very soon be receiving the Reverend Doctor (Univ. of eBay) Ian Paisley's pall bearers and anticipate that they might put a strain on the heating, nothing, though, considering our expertise in the field, that we cannot handle.
26 comments:
I am not a vindictive man, but I can't help thinking that it will be a grand day when what passes for Blair's soul is dragged screaming before Beelzebub and all his hellish disciples for final judgment. He will be appalled to discover that everything the Ipsissimus Mandelbum told him about eternal reward was, in fact, a load of old bollocks.
So farewell then Rev Ian Paisley,
Intolerant bigot and rabble rouser,
Never, never, never - that was your catchphrase.
E.J. Thribb
Why have we had to wait so long?????
A lifelong, vile, greedy, hypocritical, sectarian fuckpig. Now revered by the likes of Peter Hain, says it all, really.
His Mrs, Lady Beryl, simpered that he had gone to his eternal rest, she meant roast, gone to his eternal roast.
"Why have we had to wait so long?????"
Could it be that only the good die young?
Perhaps Blair and his cohorts will suffer, in pain and torment, before enduring the Red Hot Poker of Retribution for eternity, alongside Paisley and Kneecaps for prolonging the 'troubles'
Amen to all of the above. Paisley the repulsive old cunt; vile bigot until he saw the error of his ways and that he could stick his snout in the meal bin just as well as the other deliverers of evil. Now we have Kneecaps and Adams surfing the moronic, sentimental, deathwank tide. All we need now is Esther Rancid to come along and tell us what a lovely, kind soul the private Ian truly was and how he shared his secret poems with her.
Let me put my tin hat on first (done) while I say what I found. Long after I had left the services (and 7 tours in Ulster were a receding memory) I happened to meet Ian Paisley in Penzance. I was prepared to dislike him from what I had seen on TV and read but found to my considerable surprise that he was the epitome of a courteous and gentle man. Not in the least loud or bombastic. My conditioned perceptions were swept away.
No need for a tin hat as far as I'm concerned Mr RR but I cannot separate a private from a public self in this man's case. He was critical to the braindead, entrenched unionism that beat the civil rights protesters from the streets in 1968 and directly paved the way for the IRA psychopaths. Very bad people are often charming.
That's right, mr rr, and it is how Evil doth flourish; everyone is saying what a nice chap he was in private but his malevolence was public and it is on that which he should be judged. You won't need me to remind you of my cousin in the Shankill Butchers or of my cousin, Michael Stone - none of whom I have met - of how their brutal hatreds were fuelled by Paisley and his ilk, the Men, as they called themselves. Long disowned, my mother and father's families were all, save my Dad, rabid Orangemen and Women, as besotted by a bogus past as is modern-day Jock, just more of them wearing dog collars, like Paisley. Aye, and start your own church, too, that's a good earner.
Furthermore, if I was drawing three parliamentary sa;aries, exes and pensions as he was for a time, I would feel well-disposed to strangers who paid me so handsomely.
Never any need for tin hats, here.
That Marty eulogised him and was nearly in tears speaks volumes about both. Its was all a game.
A vile, pantomime villain. A man who has to start his own ultra-unionist fire'n'damnation church because the existing lot are in comparison Romish softies is so far off the scale as to be unreachable by the sane.
Everything that is wrong with organised, politicised religion personified in one laughable, cartoon cut-out eegit. A horrible old bastard. May his God rot him.
" Rosevidney Rustic said...
......was the epitome of a courteous and gentle man. Not in the least loud or bombastic. My conditioned perceptions were swept away."
He was bloody politician......they can all do that. That is how they gain "entry" in the first place.
Up all night, mr mongoose, leaning on the windowsill, I sometimes see Ian junior, MP, on some Select Committee about the Letters of Comfort debacle; leaner, sharper, better-groomed than his dog-breathed Daddy, he is Vileness distilled, like you'd expect. Just like we can expect Willy Straw to be, should Labour have the foolish impertinence to select him.
Hmmm, I 'warming' to Mr Satan's prospectus Mr I. A secure, low carbon energy source to maintain essential infrastructure and power the economy (no useless 'eyesore' windmills to blight the scenic vistas of hell). Dangerous and unreformable criminals contained and indeed justly punished for eternity so they can do no more harm on 'the streets'. What's not to like? Maybe he could come here? Hard to see how he could do a worse job than the current establishment.
He was known as the Grand Old Duke of York; despite his charisma - yes, he had plenty if you met him - he always seemed about to lead us to victory over this that or the other but never quite did. Weakness or restraint?
I was at the 1985 rally in Belfast re: the Anglo-Irish agreement - how trivial a problem that seems now, in the light of Globacorp's rapine. Hundreds of thousands of people turned out to hear him speak. Can any modern UK politico hope for anything like it or is capable of commanding more than a flicker of give-a-fuck?
If you look at Paisley through 21st century, politically-correct eyes he's a buffoon. But I never saw him afraid to speak his mind and to uphold his priciples with fearlessness and honesty. As an MP his enemies admitted that he always treated RC constituents with utmost fairness.
Despite the fact that I didn't, in the end, find him relevant or interesting or likeable as time moved on, despite my skepticism of politics and religion, despite the fact that I don't like Paisleyites, I am sort of sorry he's dead.
If Paisley is in hell, Satan will have to do a deal and conditions will improve. If he's in heaven it will be ruined.
- richard
I was hoping for your view, mr richard, it doesn't disappoint.
Me too, Mr Richard, sort of. For some reason part of one of his polemics has encoded itself into my memory engrams - "There are enemies without and traitors within, these are evil times". Doubtless paraphrased and an oft repeated theme but I heard it but can't recall where or when.
There is no glossing the Reverend Doctor. Plain speaking in the cause of sectarian idiocy is not a virtue. He was just another bloodsucker, feeding on hatred, violence and death. No room for irony or ambiguity there, I assume? Russell Davies once described him as having all the spirituality of a rhinoceros but with none of the mystery. That would be about right.
He proves, with his cuddling-up to Marty Kneecaps, one of the tenets of Ishmaelia; they ALL have more in common with each other than they have with us; party politics is window dressing for the gullible, Scotland, Wales, Ulster, England,Uxbridge, EveryFuckingWhere.
The ability to be a sensible human being, to be personally kind, to have insight, to be fair to those of other creeds who cross one's path, to have the intellect to see a clarity of principle and to hold to it, to have the charisma to be able to rally others to one's cause - all of these things make the bastard's sins greater. He should burn a tad longer in his Hell, and a tad hotter, for having been blessed with these graces and for having failed to use them, even to understand the power of them - beyond the expedient. It's as if his New Testament had passed the bugger by.
Just watching the unspeakable Bonnie Greer and some other dick on Sky Press review, wittering in her dumbfuck cliche way that Marty Kneecaps talking about the old fuckpig as a friend was a Pause Moment or maybe it was A Wow Moment, some kinda fucking moment, stupid cunt; as though Hitler and Mussolinni having a laugh together was a great moment for Humanity.
I find it hard to discern sarcasm, or to recognise faces. I blame a fall on the head from a U-boat deck gun, part of a war memorial, as a child. So I don't know if you are disappointed or not, Mr I, with my views on I.P.
He often said things which made you think "That needed said" or - equally as often - "The old fool should keep his trap shut".
Never, though, did you get the impression that he was lying for effect. Think Tony Blair, or most politicians other than Seamus Mallon (moderate Irish nationalist) and compare and contrast.
Now, despite everything, he did get the IRA to decommission their arms and to support the police, which led to the demilitarisation of N. Ireland. If you haven't lived here you don't know what a difference that made.
Mr Mongoose says that the New Testament passed the bugger by. I would disagree, he forgave his enemy, which I wouldn't have. Whether he was right to do so is open to debate.
These days I see all government as a parasitical class, an exact equivalent of the insect predators in ants' nests which remain largely undetected as they steal. Paisley was a thorn in their side until he saw that a deal with the devil was less costly in lives than no deal at all.
-richard
PS It was said of Tony Benn that he was a hard man to dislike but it was worth the effort to do so because he was a menace. In Paisley's case maybe the reverse was true more often than not.
No sarcasm, for the reasons you cite, I and I'm sure others were interested in your local perspective, mr richard. I will continue this from a mains-powered device in a moment............
....continues
A kid, I lived in Belfast, on the Lisburn, Malone and Falls Roads, between 1964 and 1967; I saw and was made aware of the Civil Rights movement before it was hijacked by what became the Provisional IRA; my father, from an Orange family, was acutely critical of the B Special Constabulary, of the Orange Order and of the social, economic and employment apartheid insisted upon ny the likes of Ian Paisley, as well as by many of my aunts and uncles; a sensible UK government would have immediately imposed one-man, one-vote enfranchisement on Paisleyites and the rest, at gunpoint if necessary and that would have been that, a couple of decades of grumbling and sorting and Ulster would have, electorally, democratically joined the twentieth century. As it was, that old bastard's gobby No Surrenderism - in pursuit of the most ignoble ends - instigated and maintained the Kneecaps War. I would aver that Paisley and the Orange Order are at least if not more blameworthy than Marty and Gerry and all their grim, cruel cohort. It was Paisley preached to the likes of my cousin, William Moore, sanctifying his monstrous in-the-chair butchery of his fellow men. Paisley's vicious sectarian rhetoric inspired great wickedness, then and now, worse, far worse than the most rabid Jock tribesman, was Ian Paisley.
It may be that he enabled the so-called disarming of PIRA, but his being in a position so to do was bloodily arrived at; there may be instances of his practising the gospel of Jesus Christ instead of suborning it to the Devil's industry as was his custom; he may have assiduously represented his constituents inpartially but that is only what he was required to do, it is not saintly, no other tracesman would be so deified merely for doing his job, three of them, in his case, at one time.
He was, I understand, a bit Scargillish, with what he thought of as his own church, refusing to leave the Manse when required to, even though congregants had bought him a swish retirement home, he insisted on his Mrs being given a peerage, he slid his son into position as his parliamentary successor.
I think, in short, that he was vile, not only vile but largely instrumental in coimmencing and prolonging the war and his few feeble years chortling as First Minister with Mr Kneecaps do absolutely nothing to redeem him.
That does not mean that I dismiss your own judgements or seek to deny you them. They are as valid as mine and I am grateful, always, for them being set down that I may, against their opposition, refine my own.
My own mother, God bless her, whispered in my infant ear that Fenians boiled protestant young and ate them. she was otherwise testament to kindly patience and generosity, just brainwashed by previous generations of Paisleys. I hope he roasts, shouting, in Hell.
Up, as we used to say, the long ladder and down the short rope, Gawd bless King Billy, an' to Hell with the Pope, eh?
Thanks for that, it made me think. I suppose you're right. My window on the past is probably still foggier than yours since I've lived here longer. All I can say is that I am quite proud that my son didn't know or think to ask if he was Protestant or Catholic until he was nearly ten. Not bad in this neck of the woods, eh? And no thanks to the Shouty Man.
- richard
Thanks, yourself, mr richard.
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