There were cheers from a dangerous nutter's fan club, gathered outside a South African court, today, as Judge Hecuba Goodfellow ruled that the object of their affection, Mr Oscar Testosterone, did know that in shooting four bullets into a toilet he might kill someone but on the other hand he didn't know; Mr Oscar was screaming like a loony after he'd done it so it was all right, really. He was also, said Judge Goodfellow,
a fucking lying bastard who couldn't answer a straight question, who instead of telling the truth would just vomit into a fucking bucket.
End jest because the State prosecuter, Mr Herry Knob,
revealed the eccused es a right fecking, lying arsehole
C'mon, admit it, you snivelling fecking wenker, you shot her didden you?
et doesn't mean thet he es not telling the truth end even if he is - or do I mean isn't - I em not persuaded thet this matters
Praying to fecking God, he was, M'leddee, to save the slepper he'd jest killed, his counsel had told the court, he wes crying his fecking eyes out, M'leddee, said Berry Roux,
for the accused,
hed a face like a slepped arse, he hed, all fucking red it wes, and tearful, after he'd shot the fecking bitch a few times. Upset him greatly, it did. Praying, he wes praying too, to God, and shitting himself. Puking, puking, too, puking hes fecking guts up he wes, proves M'leddee, does it not,
that he can't be a fecking murderer, like some Kaffir bastard from the townships?
Oh, feck me, responded the Judge in her sentencing remarks, ef he wes crying efterwards, he couldn't have fecking known thet he might kill some poor bestard by firing four shots into a tiny fecking space, jest as it says here, in Ashanti versus van der Blumfeld, 1968, volume 2 open brackets South Effrica close breckets chapter four, sub-section 12 open breckets emended 1969 close breckets open breckets paragraph seven close breckets capita S capital A capital C, the Court should not ellow the accused to make a cunt of himself even if he is es guilty es fucking Sin the court should not ellow his guilt to be a contributory factor in determining his guilt. A reasonable person might heff known not to go shooting fecking bullets all over the fecking shop but Mr Oscar meks a fecking hebit of driving around South Effrica end firing fecking guns off like he was Beffalo fecking Bell,
so, all in all, the State hes not convinced me thet the accused is a dangerous fecking lunatic who should be benged-up for some time, at least.
Es for him heving a fecking arsenal in his gaff which he wasen entitled to have subject to the Firearms Act of 1999 open breckets amended 2002 close breckets and so on, well, the State has not persuaded me thet he hed these fecking bullets unlawfully, subject to section seven of the Firearms Act, even if he hed the fecking things unlawfully without a permit, a license, a dealers' certificate, an import license an export license or any other permission lawfully granted, even if he held them illegally the Court should not conclude that he held them illegally.
End jest because he has a habit of firing guns illegally in public end is clearly raving med, it does not follow thet when he was firing into his shithouse doors with the intention of killing someone who was in thet tiny space, he must have fecking known thet he's gonna kill some cunt, not to me et doesn't enyway, and I'm the fecking judge.
The sentencing of this fucking headcase
has been postponed to allow Judge Goodfellow time to consult her Obeah Man in order to find some way of sentencing Mr Oscar to a medal and half a million rand from public funds.
Betcha a tenner that if he doesn't get a double figure jail term the State will appeal. As so it should.