Tuesday, 30 September 2014



R uth Boy Davidson 

Leader of the Scottish Tories,

and William Boys Hague, 

...ah, no, no, no, you have it, if I may say so, entirely wrong,  Andrew, we simply share ay room to save money.

they  stole the show at today's ArseFest in Birmingham.

The  front bench anal fistula, Osborne,

Well, conference, there may well be growing govament  debt, wages may well be  worthless; the only growth is in house prices and tax fraud  but look on the bright side, apprenticehips are providing very useful - £2.55 pence per hour - slave labour to businesses, as well as teaching our young people valuable skills such as grass-cuting and floor-sweeping, sometimes for as long as ten hours per week, but do not worry conference, we will try to drive these wages down further and spread the culture of zero-hours contracts to all, apart from ourselves   (cheers and applause from elderly, bilIous Tories;)   we have cleared the way for asset-stripping companies, such as the recent owners  of Phones4You, to borrow money at almost zero per cent, load it onto the balance sheet of a perfectly healthy company, extract and pay themselves bonuses and expenses in excess of thirty million pounds - paid, of course into tax-free accounts overseas - and then crash the company, throwing 5,000 proper taxpayers out of work, depriving the Exchequer of proper tax revenues (cheers, whistles foot-stomping.) Best of all, building on the work of the last lot, we have extended the practice of borrowing-money-into-existence and passing it to our friends in the banks in order that they may loan it to the public in the hope that mortgage holders and businesses may in due course be robbed by the banks of their lives' work.
Unemployment, homelesssness,  illness, slavery and usury;  these,  conference, are what we proudly offer you; mock growth, mock jobs, a mock health service and every other shop in the High Street a loan shop. No-one can say I'm making a fuck of the economy, I am proudly and determinedly making a mock of it.

(Conference erupts in tears of jubilation, no-one present  having a fucking clue how money works, much less economics. Well, they wouldn't be there, wouldn't be Tories, if they did, would they?)

looking as sickly-pasty as if he had fellated half the hall and was about to throw-up, 

had a good go, sneering  his pleased-with-himself, prefect's sneer,  singing praise to Billy the Bum's achievements - or humiliating failures as most of  us would term them - whilst Ffffffion bearded away like a good un,
 sitting beside Winston in the front rows,
 grinning, she was,
 like a wanking chimpanzee.

Christ, it was fucking awful. 

An almost day-long tribute to the party's gay and lesbian tendency, all it needed was Liam Fox to make a hat-trick of  bugger-marriagers, the gift to UKIP which keeps on giving.  

Talking of which, the Poundland Conference 

is always presented by the PBC as though it was filmed on a Nokia 'phone  in a Budapest Bier Kellar. I wonder why that is.

Nige, the Bruce Springsteen of Geriatrica.

Conference, friends, yes, whatever, Poundland uber alles,  Rule Britannia, Wogs Out, No More Welfare State, you're all as mad as March hares; they're all joining me, I mean us, the Tories, all of 'em. I could stand here and say anything and you'd cheer. (Cheers, applause, footstomping etc.)

No, it's not fair, the way they cover Mr Fruitckase and his elderly, enraged believers.  Makes them out to be a bunch of barmpots,  it does, shuffling about in the dark, spending their days writing FuckMails to the Filth-O-Graph, about treason and LibLabConners, raging that political parties are a busted flush, while forming more of the same. Only worse, much, much worse. 

 Osborne, though, 
even with proper lighting and more than one camera and looking like a zombie,  lacked the passion and verve of RuthBoy

I love Tory Scotland  and I won the referendum single-handed.
No use sending a woman to do a man's job, eh? 
 and has some way to go before he achieves the incessant, monotonal, Regency-style Alan Bennet Yorkshire, old wives',  gossipy  raconteurism of the hideous Hague, 'e's a right caution, is our William,  a persona which has bizarrely and very recently assumed the conference sheen  of full-blown Heseltineia.
 I never knew that Hague, after his  freakily eccentric old-womanning at the age of 16,

Jesus fucking wept, this makes me shudder, even now; poor little fuck-up, someone should have taken him into a place of safety, censured his parents. We now know, of course, how detrimental a role model was Whisky Maggie, a pitifulful parent and a sorry wretch so besotted with power that she ignored the Beasting activities of her friends and colleagues,  her criminal neglect cast  by the degeneracy as patience, tolerance and understanding.  I hope that Satan finds something hot and unpleasant to shove up her arse, see how she likes it. And yes, where is Dame Butler-WhiteSchloss's  replacement, can he or she be found before the election?

  was much more than a conference oddity;  maybe they cheered so  in relief at his parting;  always, always a bit of an embarrassment, wasn't he, a bit creepy, a bit unwholesome, bit of a freak.

Sadly we will look on his like again.

And even though all that  is demonstrably true - Hague IS weird, by any standards, is a party political and diplomatic failure and the  subject of widespread, national and international derision and contempt, not to mention deep suspicion, following his role in Welsh Paedogate -  those   felching for a living in MediaMinster prefer the story of the great man, graciously bowing-out, having served his country so well; no business like showbusiness.

 I have never seen any of these TeeVee talent shows, I try to avoid spectator cruelty but I think that every speaker at Birmingham saw themselves as participating  in competitive Cabinet worship, but especially that of the New Hero of Baghdad, Mr Dave, himself, the Great Arsehole of Eton,

 although their not very GreatLeader, himself,  instead of enjoying the  desperate, adulatory conference horsehsit, is dreamily contemplating, as he must, a life beyond unelected political office.
And the sooner the fucking better.


SG said...

Aye! I'm reet looking forward to next May's election. What a choice. All of the above or this fuck:


Maybe we should just surrender to the North Koreans now (with any luck their tunnels will have reached us before then). They know how to deal with under-performing politicans and meteorologists.

Rosevidney Rustic said...

The aim of these rah rah jamborees is to make ever more promises to the gullible public in the hope of gaining or keeping their votes. Said gullible public used to vote tribally but perhaps change is in the air. Will it be change for the better? Who knows? I don't think UKIP can do any worse to the nation than the 3 traditional political parties. LibLabCon proved themselves to be unworthy of trust and the Greens become more absurd daily.

call me ishmael said...

And the tragedy is, mr rr, that so many have laboured to expose the venal fatuity of political parties and now those briefly awakened are snuggling-down again under Mr Farage's John Bull duvet cover. If I was a crying man I would weep.

Mike said...

The one report received down here that made me laugh (shake with anger) was Ozzies proposal to scarp the tax on your pension (55%?) after your dead. Talk about bribing people with theor own money, and they applaud this shit. We don't have any death duties, or any tax on pensions whatsoever down here; it any party tried it there would be widespread beheadings.

These political conferences are now beyond caricature, sort of Danny-la-Rue panto dame, only evil.

Bungalow Bill said...

Phones4You was a criminal enterprise, typical of course in the way of capitalist thievery and destruction, unusual only because it was so ineptly fashioned that even the Telegraph was obliged to find it distasteful. We must not forget the Quiet Man, of course, the fucking idiot's fucking idiot, Duncan Smith; smart cards to ensure the recipients of benefits are sober and judicious. Perhaps a similar restraint might be applied to the bonuses of the corporate jackasses and banker rapists of our country in case they squander their hard earned rewards. Or perhaps not. As you have said, our only hope is our contempt.

SG said...

Don't get me started about the so called 'Greens' Mr RR - you are dead right about them. Green? They are nothing of the sort. A party ofthe far left coated in a superficial green veneer. The only Green characteristics that they exhibit are naivety and envy. Welcome to a world of self composting toilets, blackouts and hessian sacks for breakfast, lunch and tea - and if there's anything left over you can fucking sleep in it. A bunch of nutter idealogue, anti-science, luddite fantasists. Who is that potato  headed Aussie bint that fronts them up and what the fuck is she doing here? If there was ever a case for transportation this is it. That said, and for some reason or other, I found that Caroline Lucas rather appealing for a while but I gather she now leads the Gay Party down in Brighton these days. Then there is the Green business lobby and the 'offset' industry. I'm with James Lovelock on these matters:

 "Don't feel guilty about opting out of this nonesense: closer examination reveals it as an elaborate scam in the interests of a few nations whose economies are enriched in the short term by the sale of wind turbines, biofuel plants and other green-sounding energy equipment. Don't for a moment believe the sales talk that these will save the planet... Agencies now exist which allow air travellers to plant trees to offset the extra carbon dioxide their plane adds to the overburdened air. How like the indulgences once sold by the Catholic Church to wealthy sinners to offset the time they might otherwise spend in purgatory..." (from 'The Vanishing Face of Gaia' 2009).

Interestingly I see that the so called 'Friends of the Earth' have belatedly dropped their opposition 'in principle' to nuclear power decades after Lovelock recommended it. If one wants to see what Britain would look like after a few years of 'Green' Government one need look no further than Bangladesh (an extremely poor country prone to flooding). If humanity wants to help the 'environment' stopping breeding like flies might be a good place to start else, and as Lovelock suggests, we will be well and truly swatted.

Apologies Mr I - I'll go and lie down now...

yardarm said...

Doubtless the laughable Hague is off to line his pockets. Again. Who would pay the worthless prick for anything, he has all the utility of an ashtray on a motorbike. He`ll also be plotting to deflower more twinks, so the beard will need to be paid off.

I too thought Osbum was looking even more of a pansy face than usual; the result, no doubt of spending the daylight hours in a gimp suit or merely lurking like the office cunt he is, plotting to shit some more on the defenceless.

This cuntfest would be greatly enlivened if on the last day Gideon was found in his hotel room, having taken a strangle wank a little too far.

yardarm said...

I`d forgotten Spunkstain Sniff, Mr BB. A worthless, unemployable oaf, sucking at the taxpayers teat: his wife is a velvet arse. Oh, and the cunt will have a 10% rise in his entitlement dole handouts thanks to IPS.

A scatological Midas in anything he touches, this cretin, a failed soldier (buggery, theft or plain uselessness ?), a middle management bum then a parasite par excellence as an MP. He could have embarrassed Blair by opposing the Iraq war but no, the slap headed prick truckled to the White House.

call me ishmael said...

It is only semantics but Our friend, Max Keiser, mr bungalow bill, a former Wall Street player, insists that we are beyond capitalism, that with capitalism there is attendant risk and possible failure; now we see no such certain regulation, instead we see the reward of the miscreant who misuses the capital of others, either others' money or others' labour. I agree with Max, our financial heroes trade in negatives and beggar workers wherever they find them, no George Cadburys here, this isn't capitalism, it is kleptocracy, aided and abetted by governments across the world; capitalism entails risk, what we have now is the privatisation of profit and the nationalisation of loss or risk; Mr Gordon Snot's legacy, his and Mr Balls's, risk-free carpetbagging, the nation delivered unto Banditry's dark servants, by the Labour party. Next week, the private finance initiatives.

SG said...

BTW I see that Yewtree has now reached Dr Fox (the DJ rather than some other person...). A fly on the wall has transmitted coverage of the interrogation:


call me ishmael said...

You are well out of it, mr mike, however cynical one is about these conference gangbangs, they annually plumb new depths; this was only part of one day, reported here; I omitted Mr Grant Schapps, a man who would outrun Richard Nixon in the LyingBastard Handicap; Northern Ireland Seckatry, Ms Theresa Villiers, a head-girl type who used the Tory conference to give Marty Kneecaps a jolly good talking-to, as if he gives a fuck; some fucking deadbeat gorillabloke who claims to lead the Taffy Tories and there was some horrid bint, EmCeeing, who wants to be MP for Taunton, all teeth and over-rehearsed jokes, Christ she'd give you nightmares, pretending to good old Tory jolly-hockeysticks womanhood, only with a leer of depravity and greed, more Christine Hamilton than Joyce Grenfell.

If you'd been watching that down in Oz, mate, there'da been technicolour yawns as far as the eye can see.

Mike said...

Mr I: there is a simple reason: the politicians are on the take.

Bungalow Bill said...

Late capitalism maybe, any social usefulness overwhelmed by globalised greed and unfathomably intricate systems of acquisition and retention of power. Such was always the destiny of Money and Technology. But the net result is always theft and degradation.

call me ishmael said...

I still differ, mr bungalow bill. What we have is only late capitalism inasmuch as it isn't socialism. Capitalism, for all its wickednesses, used to invent, develop and exploit products, services and commodities, those now in charge merely trade in them, making money if their values rise and if they fall, often engineering both.

call me ishmael said...

We will return to Green issues, mr sg, from a Scottish perspective.

call me ishmael said...

It is indeed, mr yardarm, a Mystery Play for our time, the life of Mr Ian Duncan Smith. I think something awful must have blighted his life, maybe gang-raped, round the back of the NAAFI; there must be something but then there is the question, why hasn't Cameron sacked him, he is a more useless former leader even than Billy Bum? A more useless former leader than Dave, himself, will soon be. IDS must belong to the same sort of mutually blackmailable cabal as ran NewLabour, in the good old days for even by the standards of MediaMinster the quiet man is paralysingly incompetent.

Bungalow Bill said...

Satan is a shapeshifter Mr I.

SG said...

I shall look forward to it Mr I. Re: Mr Keiser, there is a grain of something in what he has to say but one has to remember that he is in the pay of Mr Putin. Mostly he is full of shit pretending to be down with the 'Occupy' kids whilst peddling gold, silver and Bitcoins to half-wits. He can produce a mildly entertaining rant from time to time whilst jacking off all over himself and Mrs Keiser (who struggles to read) in the first half of the show before interviewing some geek skyping from their bedroom in Hounslow or wherever.

DtP said...

Bud - am a bit drunk & stoned so, yer know etc etc

Cammo is shit - ain't no polemic there. He's a chumocracy parasite and it's upsetting everyone - even his spit fag Gove downgraded to noshing him off restricted to podiums and cracking his whip.

Grant Shapps is the one that does me - there isn't enough broadband time to waste on what a total cunt young Michael Green is (Shapps did a shite self help boiler room tele marketing scam pseudonomously). Apparently also Jeremy Hunt's mum got him his selection whilst he was running an exam adjudication body for internet floral arrangment courses (honest - not invent). Furthermore this punter telemarketing scam was run with horrible morale and etiquette - shocked! For Grant Shapps to be worse than the shout-out 'does anybody have a son?' is bad but for him to be such a cunt about it takes art. Hunt's ridiculously ostensibly my boss but, bless his cotton socks, at least he's got the good grace to shut the fuck up. I shit you not, Warsi was better than Shapps - i've had gut rot all weekend and strategically, that was better than Shapps.

I'm an early doors barfly at our 'alternative' premier rock boozer, have been for nearly 20 years - me and a chum started at council next door together and we stumbled on a goldmine, I absolutely adore the place - new cocktail menu on Friday. However, there's tankies, anarchists, punks, goths, rockers, hippies, smackheads, alkies et fucking cetera and every cunt knows what I do yet people buy me drinks. I think they feel the abject disillusionment and recognize that the problem is being dealt with.

I've accidently been doing Ukip stuff for the last 4 years as because of the little incident at the last election, me and chum kinda got booted out. I'm cool beans about but he's 60 and bitter. Anywho - long story long - it kinda turns out he's potentially one of the best campaigners i've ever met and he's kinda said much the same about me. People think politics is about having opinions and believing in what you're saying and stuff, and that's nice, that's, yer know, good but there's always that 1 more little job you got to do - one more research paper to read before you're sure your opinion's empirical, one more family relation you gotta meet before you trust your confidence. Used to be a bit of a reveal - anyone with an opinion can fuck right off.

Again, anywho - what started off with meeting one of those folks that you just giggle with turned into a rigged Ukip selection panel for me that I vetoed on Wednesday because whilst I certainly applaud my chum and wish to inflict massive collateral damage on these fake Tories - I don't want revenge and to stand as Ukip would mean losing my pub plus my spidey sense smells a little bit fascist.

People may call me a Tory cunt and get a 3 minute history lesson but if I stood as Ukip then cunt would be fine.

Strangely, it's not Farage - he's harmless, really - it's the unelected and untested cunts sitting next to him cleaning up his kebab after paying for it.

I've been reading the blogs and sruff and it's like 2008 was yesterday. No way to defend the indefencable - ah, fuck it. Just a punter now.

(minor PS - pretty sure Maggies kids would have been mongs had she worked at Woolies - she may have dropped 'em a few times!)

call me ishmael said...

Even if there is only a grain of Truth in what Max says, that is a universe more than we ever learn from MediaMinster, isn't it? And the geek from positivemoney seemed to be infinitely more capable than the Chancellor of the Exchequer. I don't care too much about him working for RT, Max, AN Wilson worked for the Filth-O-Graph and now works for the PBC, we have to take it where we find it; on the new housing bubble, on the larceny of the banks and the connivance of govament, on the levels of debt, public and private Max is near enough for me.

Anonymous said...

Did you watch Theresa May's speech? Punishment for people who say things she doesn't like but who aren't breaking the law, and the list of evil-doers include those "against democracy". That would be me, then, because it allows this type to take charge.. My stance was reinforced as I watched John Hurt's character from "V for Vendetta" appearing in drag, to give the most chilling speech I have ever heard and so un-British that all that was missing was an Albert Speer design for the backdrop.

call me ishmael said...

Ah, Satan, mr bungalow bill, further on up the road.

call me ishmael said...

Wondered where you were, mr dtp, off learning poetry, it seems. I told you before, fuck UKIP, stand as an Independent Tory.

Interesting about Grant Schitts, any more?

SG said...

Touche Mr I. You'll get no argument about that from me. A grain of truth is about as good as it gets. I watch RT and Al-Jazeera too - mainly to see what our own MediaMinister channels aren't covering - and its a lot. Our domestic TV fare has been dumbed and narrowed down - much like the US domestic coverage used to be (dunno what its like now). These days I'd sooner watch Fox, fucking, News than PBC or 'Made up News and Filth'.

call me ishmael said...

Didn't see it, mr richard, just heard Dave Davies' hostile summary. Who was the John Hurt?

Mad as a hatter, May, shit for brains, another staggeringly incompetent Daveoid.

Has Stormont kissed and made-up yet; any sign of that cunt Robinson getting his dues or must it all wait until after the BigMan's funeral?

call me ishmael said...

Some great made-in-the-USA documentaries broadcast on RT, made by ApplePie Merkins,not Russian stooges, unable to get an airing on CBS and the rest. Al Jazeera, a bit harder to follow but yes, covers the stuff which we, here, ignore.

Anonymous said...

John Hurt played a British dictator, Adam Sutler, in "V for Vendetta, a near-future police-state film which is quite good. Quote from
"My fellow Englishmen: tonight our country, that which we stand for, and all we hold dear, faces a grave and terrible threat. This violent and unparalleled assault on our security will not go undefended... or unpunished. Our enemy is an insidious one, seeking to divide us and destroy the very foundation of our great nation. Tonight, we must remain steadfast. We must remain determined. But most of all, we must remain united. Those caught tonight in violation of curfew will be considered in league with our enemy and prosecuted as a terrorist without leniency or exception. Tonight, I give you my most solemn vow: that justice will be swift, it will be righteous, and it will be without mercy."
This fictitious example of evil politics is more or less what TM said, although curfews were called "extremist banning orders".
- richard

call me ishmael said...

Ah, right, mr richard, low-life imitating Art.

I suppose that if Tracey chose her moment, say, after a beheading on a British street, she might get away with it but I think, also, that whatever happens, she will not be in a position to try, she is useless even by Dave standards, passports, borders, jails, cops, she can do nothing, except her hair. And we pay someone else to do that for her.

I will look out for Mr Sutler.