Tuesday, 11 March 2014



He's learned how to march but to his own tune,
 he is acting outwith the Better Together Campaign,

 No, piss off, Darling,  or ye'll get a Nokiaphone in the heid.
I am perfectly capable of fucking this up myself.

 just as he always has,  Gordon knows best;  if he saved the financial world - by privatisng its profits and nationalising  its losses -  why, he can easily save the Union.  He thinks he's aping the oratorical style of Mr Nick I-agree-with-Nick Clegg, who wanders around the stage asking himself questions such as 


Does this mean I am a liar,
No, of course it doesn't,  even though patently I am, and so on...

 CallHimDave, the unelected prime minister, spiv, cheat and nincompoop  has also taken to bestriding the stage, only not like a Colossus, more like a gibbon in a suit;  it is, in short, the new style of bullshit al le Bretagne, they all do it and we can bet that if he could be hooked-up to a portable autocue,  Uncle Sam's  Commander in Chief would similarly address his fellow  motherfuckers.  Gordon though, as you would expect, can't carry it off,  the casual, just-having-a-chat-with-you-approach,

One nation, Scotland and England, under me.

no, he marches, as though he has metronome psychosis, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, like one of those Greek ceremonial guards, flinging each  leg in the air and swivelling, just-so, after just-so-many paces and returning across the stage. march, march, march.  You'd have a wee bIt more respect for him if he just stood at a lectern, and clawed it to bits.

Set yer moral compasS, Scotland. 
It's my way or the highway.

 Look, there's no snot on this tie, not yet.

 I have tae go, the noo, it's time fer ma medi-cay-shuns.
(sings) So ye'll tak' the highroad and Ah'll tak the lowroad
An' Ah'll be in the loonybin afore ye.

  He has been schooled, obviously, in his new, Trust-me-I-can-walk style of haranguing people.  But it's the same old shit,  he no longer has a despatch box so, with his nailbitten Claws of Doom, he slaps the air itself, chopping downwards as though striking Tony Blair's Adam's Apple, he still does that thing with his jaw, his infamous, feverish drywank jawdrop and he still over-articulates his words in the ghastly, showy way he always has - dee-vohl-you-shun;  he still admonishes and harangues, he is still as mad as a fucking hatter, didactic I-Know-Bestism, ranting, growling, bullying and bad to boot. 

 First the leaden, hamfisted dunderhead. Fat Al Carmichael 
 Och, will you just get me, 
 mincing intae Downing Street as  Scottish Seckatry.

and now Gordon Snot;  greedybastard and lying fuckpig, Alec Salmond, is surely having it his own way......

Gordon, an' wisnae he the most hated politician in living memeory?


mrs narcolept said...

Selfishly, my main concern is whether it is going to be safe for English-sounding immigrants to settle in Scotland after the vote, whatever the outcome.

I know we don't agree on this, but poor, poor Caliban. It must be awful, trapped inside himself with no escape, ever. I want to believe there is some hope.

call me ishmael said...

He bankrupted my compassion treasury long ago, mrs n, as did all of them, with Iraq.

Caratacus said...

Well I thought you dealt with McRuin very even-handedly there, Mr. I, very nicely judged and not in the least partisan.

mrs n: imagine what he would write if he decided to have a real go at the specious pile of ordure.

And the audience was worse if anything - people were actually bloody clapping him and taking the twisted bastard seriously. Ye gods and little fishes there's no hope at all ...

call me ishmael said...

It was amazing, the applause. I watched an STV show last night wherein some gobby Labour spinner, Simon Pia, opined that history would judge Gordon very differently, yes, it will but not in the way that Pia thinks.

There is a danger in that by being revolted by Brown we lose sight of Blair, who was much worse, if maybe less personally tragic; the entire NewLabour project was Ruin's triumph, a moronic public voting for a cheesy smile.

Alphons said...

There is are places for all the above four in today's world.
Sadly they have not yet been dug.

Rightwinggit said...


You have been infested by jock.

Oh, and what happened to the science is settled, etc, post that disappeared??

Mike said...

Get ready for a Gordon comeback in some form, and even Blair, when Labour win the next GE. They know where all the skeletons are.

call me ishmael said...

I think that the "outwith" was ironic, mr rwg but I wouldn't swear to it. The science post was wrongly posted.

Christ, I hope not, mr mike, else I'll be joining you down there in the hothouse economy of Western Australia.

enough of a graveyard, that, mr alphons, to resurrect, so to speak, the Co-Op funeral business.

the noblest prospect said...

I did some work for him and Fitba' McLeish in the early nineties and he did the drywank jawdrop even then. Always paid me on time, mind.

Viewed from down here and disenfranchised as I am, it's all very entertaining. Six months still to go...