MAD YOUNG PARENT AND DRUGGED-UP NUTTER
JOINS THE INDEPENDENCE DEBATE.
He's learned how to march but to his own tune,
he is acting outwith the Better Together Campaign,
No, piss off, Darling, or ye'll get a Nokiaphone in the heid.
I am perfectly capable of fucking this up myself.
just as he always has, Gordon knows best; if he saved the financial world - by privatisng its profits and nationalising its losses - why, he can easily save the Union. He thinks he's aping the oratorical style of Mr Nick I-agree-with-Nick Clegg, who wanders around the stage asking himself questions such as
Does this mean I am a liar,
No, of course it doesn't, even though patently I am, and so on...
CallHimDave, the unelected prime minister, spiv, cheat and nincompoop has also taken to bestriding the stage, only not like a Colossus, more like a gibbon in a suit; it is, in short, the new style of bullshit al le Bretagne, they all do it and we can bet that if he could be hooked-up to a portable autocue, Uncle Sam's Commander in Chief would similarly address his fellow motherfuckers. Gordon though, as you would expect, can't carry it off, the casual, just-having-a-chat-with-you-approach,
One nation, Scotland and England, under me.
no, he marches, as though he has metronome psychosis, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, like one of those Greek ceremonial guards, flinging each leg in the air and swivelling, just-so, after just-so-many paces and returning across the stage. march, march, march. You'd have a wee bIt more respect for him if he just stood at a lectern, and clawed it to bits.
Set yer moral compasS, Scotland.
It's my way or the highway.
Look, there's no snot on this tie, not yet.
NEGLECT IN THE COMMUNITY.
I have tae go, the noo, it's time fer ma medi-cay-shuns.
(sings) So ye'll tak' the highroad and Ah'll tak the lowroad
An' Ah'll be in the loonybin afore ye.
He has been schooled, obviously, in his new, Trust-me-I-can-walk style of haranguing people. But it's the same old shit, he no longer has a despatch box so, with his nailbitten Claws of Doom, he slaps the air itself, chopping downwards as though striking Tony Blair's Adam's Apple, he still does that thing with his jaw, his infamous, feverish drywank jawdrop and he still over-articulates his words in the ghastly, showy way he always has - dee-vohl-you-shun; he still admonishes and harangues, he is still as mad as a fucking hatter, didactic I-Know-Bestism, ranting, growling, bullying and bad to boot.
First the leaden, hamfisted dunderhead. Fat Al Carmichael
Och, will you just get me,
mincing intae Downing Street as Scottish Seckatry.
and now Gordon Snot; greedybastard and lying fuckpig, Alec Salmond, is surely having it his own way......
Gordon, an' wisnae he the most hated politician in living memeory?