Thursday, 6 March 2014


Well, yes -  applause, cheers - no, no need, I haven't said anything yet . Not -  chuckle-chuckle - that I won't. You all know me by now - cheers applause, shouts of nigger-nigger-nigger, out-out-out - you all know me, I tell it like it is. Seig Heil.

 There was an Englishman -  cheers, applause - an Englishman - more cheers and more applause - and another Englishman, and they all went into this pub. 

Those were the days, weren't they, when a group of Englishmen could go into a pub, if there was a pub left that the EU hadn't destroyed, sit down together, drink six or eight pints, splash piss down their trousers and not, definitely NOT wash their hands, as.....cheers... as....cheers... as,  I might say, we are continually being told to by the health and safety police in Brussels -  loud cheers, footstamping and whistling -   in the good old days, back to which I will, if you'll allow me, lead you, do you know what, we could all sit, trousers damp with beery urine, hands unwashed, sharing the fellowship of a packet of cheese'n'onion crisps,  pissed as fucking rats and  enjoying a few Bee'n'Aitches without having to go outside and - eyes bulge, veins throb on forehead - catch fucking cold, yes, catch fucking cold,  whilst enjoying a healthy, freedom of choice cigarette,


 which, quite frankly, never did me any harm, apart from that it'll kill me, like it kills everybody.  I mean, how dare they, the unelected EU, how dare they ban smoking in English pubs? Back in the good old days we could sit in our pub  OUR pubs, mind and discuss the latest hanging - cheers, applause, whistling -  and quite frankly which of us wouldn't like to see the return of hanging for, well let's just say for those who have overstayed their welcome.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with immigrants. But they need to be the right sort,  they need to be OUR sort, not foreign immigrants.  Wossat? Why were there no Englishwimmen in the pub story? Well, that's a good question and quite frankly, do you know what, I'm glad you asked it.  There weren't any Englishwimmen in the pub because she was busy winning a parliamentary by-election for UKIP.

Well, if you want to split hairs like the old parties do, she may not have won in the narrow sense of winning but she certainly won a terrific victory in the sense of not winning.  So there.

The UKIPPERS, they don't believe in political parties, apart from their own, which consists entirely of this nincompoop,
 Farrage, a not-safe pair of hands, being pulled from the wreckage of his leader's aircraft, pilot was probably pissed. 

 anyone else attracting any attention gets the Bums Rush. Farrage is  lavishly funded by the parliament which he claims to despise.  It was Baron Hattersley of Spit, wasn't it, 

said he only went to the House of Lords to destroy it, that was, how many years ago, 1997, seventeen years of free dinners, free brandies and a few hundred quid  a day for clocking-in and immediately clocking-out;  FagAsh Farrage is one of those, the Hatterjee de nos jours, went to Brussels to bring it down or get us out of it. Still a man needs something to do when the pubs are shut;  why not form a political party for the stupid, the old and the dying?
Eng-land, Eng-land uber alles.

One wonders what one has to do with the dummies,  the personality cultists - North or South of the border -  who maintain, from the dark, oceanic  depths of their  narrow-minded stupidity  that their politican isn't like any of the other politicians; no, no, they insist, he's not like the others, he'll do things differently. No, he's not and No, he fucking won't.


jgm2 said...

No Mr Ishmael. They'll be no different. They might start by wanting to be different but if they get successful like the SNP in Fucking Scotland then they'll be targeted and infiltrated and bribed and compromised and before you know it'll be meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

All that said it will be worth voting UKIP or even SBNP just to see the smug looks melt off all those who have nailed their colours to the Tory, Labour or Liberal mast already.

How bad can they be? Can they be any more fucking incompetent than the imbeciles we've had to put up with for the last 20 or more years?

mrs narcolept said...

The protest method round our way is to vote Green, all of whose representatives make me want to do something incredibly wasteful with fossil fuel and stick drawing pins in the tyres of the nearest bicycle.

call me ishmael said...

"They might start by wanting to be different but if they get successful like the SNP in Fucking Scotland then they'll be targeted and infiltrated and bribed and compromised and before you know it'll be meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

There was a great essay by rock journalist, Lester Bangs, along those very lines, mr jgm2. He argued that once you had a recording contract you were no longer in rock'n'roll, you were just in business.

I agree, also, that almost nobody could be worse, do more harm than the current and recent incumbents and that to see them eat the shit of humiliation would be a small if rueful pleasure.

call me ishmael said...

They have one dreadful,dwarfish, bug-eyed, slap-headed, flatulent, gabshiteing, moronic, gobby waster in the Scottish assembly, mrs n, the greens, speaks fluent I-Know-Best - y'know, the weary kind, Oh, if only you were as clever and concerned as I am - and I would stick drawing pins in his fucking eyes, never mind his bicycle tyres, burn him alive on a pyre of dirty Polish coal and car tyres.

I was green, recycling, energy conscious before any of these smug self-fellating monsters.

Alphons said...

It is my hope that Farage and his party sweep all the others under the carpet and start again with new ideas.
The big gamble is whether their ideas are new, or just old ones served up with a bit of sugar on the side.
The bigger the majority they get the more careful will they have to be with their policies, because they will have more to loose that the other parasites.

callmeishmael said...

I hope they do well but only in the hope that their success reveals, once and for all, the self-contradictory redundancy of political parties, the whole filthy illusion of parliamentary democracy.. How can there be a career in public service, the two are mutually exclusive, either you serve or you grow fat, stupid and brutish, today John Prescott and his bloated trollop,, tomorrow Lord Farrage.Give it up, mr alphons, if you must vote, vote for the local, non aligned independent. FagAsh Farrage will have far more in common withCameron than he does with you.

bogey in the jar said...

we in nigel's inner circle do all that, mr ishamael, plus we oft-times revive a quaint old rural tradition known as 'ringa ringa euros' - namely a game which entails members of the ukip faithful forming a tight ring 'round the pub-table and then scampering on all fours as fast as decorum dictates in order to catch the fellow in front and selflessly lick his rectum clean of colman's french mustard.

we also call this customary and deeply evocative british ritual: "chain of chufters".

yardarm said...

In or out of the UK, in or out of the EU the smug cretin in the suit behind the desk in Brussels, London, Edinburgh, or Washington DC or anywhere is merely the sock puppet front man for GlobaDosh, the financial Al Qeada of bankers and bond traders who`ve declared UDI from the rest of us except to use us as milch cows. ' Free to decide our destiny ' ? I bet.

Didn`t Gerry Noncebomb get elected to Westminster, didn`t take his seat but stil claimed his exxies ? Fatguts Salmond, the Westminster MP who wants away from Westminster. Farrage, the bloke who wants to leave the EU yet is an, er, Euro MP. Trash of this ilk are just as venal as the rest of them.

call me ishmael said...

And the symbiosis coninues, flourishes between all sections of MediaMinster, Farrage is a good story therefore he gets covered out of all proportion to his importance - cue, 200 sclerotic rabid moronic Te;egraph readers, How dare you, FagAsh speaks for millions, No, he fucking doesn't - yet a decent non-aligned independent gets covered in PBC piss

Alphons said...

"Give it up, mr alphons, if you must vote, vote for the local, non aligned independent."
I can understand your point of view and to some extent I agree.
However, if I were drowning in a shipwreck I would try to grab hold of a piece of wood that was not obviously riddled with as much rot and woodworm as most of the ship's remains.

mr n frograge said...

of course, all sensible people know that it's immigration which has caused the horrendous inundation of our treasured english heartlands this year... see, there's just so many immigrants flooding in from europe and elsewhere in the world that our whole country has simply sunk under their additional weight and in some places become tragically submerged - much as will be the conservative vote when ukip triumphs at the next elections... fact, when i was watching the news the other night, i even saw sections of sussex's historic seven sisters cliffs crumbling into the sea, irreparably damaged and lost forever - and that was obviously due to the immense extra burden of immigrants on the british landscape too...

...what can i say? our beautiful country is clearly shrinking as i speak, and now becoming intolerably crowded with all these new arrivals...

...we must introduce drastic home-defence legislation to halt this devastating tide of displaced humanity - and we must do it now.

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