Saturday, 3 May 2014



Ms Esther Rat, MBE, head of the charity, PushyOldTeeVeeBastards,  today reacted angrily to the online portayal of an elderly citizen grovelling and pleading for his money before an audience of what are known as Twitterheads, stupid fuckers with nothing better to do than speak in tiny, meaningless spurts to imaginary friends. It is simply outrageous, hissed great-grandmother, Esther, that old people like me are forced to devise ever more ludicrous reasons to be on the PBC.  

That Mr Paxman should be ousted from his popular motoring show merely because he is a revolting old piece of shit is simply unacceptable and I give fair warning that I will not hesitate to launch another  new charity to keep myself in the public eye.  Jimmy Savile?  What, has he been sacked, too?
Mmm, it's hard and shiny, big boy.

Well, that proves my point, if they can sack a venerable old charity- minded gentleman like Sir Jimmy Savile, then none of us are safe.  Childline? No, no, it didn't cover the PBC; why on Earth should it have?

Meanwhile on skymadeupnewsandfilth 

Mr Clarkson said,  I am truly and genuinely a cunt,   I look like a cunt,


I think like a cunt,  I talk like a cunt, I dress like a cunt,  said the elderly gentleman; I work for cunts, like Mr Rupert Cunt and I can honestly and humbly prostrate myself before all you imaginary cunts out there and assure you that I am the biggest cunt of them all.
In fact, I am one of the biggest the world.

At my time of life, having already lost my tiny wife, it would be simply dreadful if I lost my book sales, my DVD sales, my newspaper columns, my fleets of free cars and most of all my hugely popular pantomome series on the PBC, where me and two other cunts just fuck about for vast sums of money, taking the  piss out of working people and sucking the knobs of any old nonce, 



pimp, slag or indeed anybody with a few quid. 


 No, no,  certainly not, we don't call that feature A Nigger in a Reasonably Priced Car.  I would never call anybody a nigger.  Unless he was.

How'd he get in here?
 Eenie, meenie, miney, Mo;  catch an athlete by his toe. There, how could that be racist? Buy my books, buy my DVDs, read my column and Vote UKIP. Or BNP. Thanks for watching.  And, from Cotswoldia, the crime capital of the country. 


Nationwide cheering and applause, shouts of Knobhead for prime minister! Nigger-nigger-nigger, out-out-out.

At the PBC Trust,  Chairman, Lord Chris Pooh,

 Tory greedy bastard, said, I want to be  be quite clear, Jeremy Clarkson brings lots of money into the PBC and that translates into my salary and my expenses and my pension, so you can all fuck off, niggers especially.  Now, get out of my way, I must rush off to one of my many other lavishly paid sinecures.


yardarm said...

Clarkson`s anti PC shtick was always a load of bollocks; " I smoke, live with it, I drive big cars and think global warming is shit ". Yeah, whatever, Jez. Now he`s jeopardised his meal ticket he`s whimpering like a girl`s blouse.

And the British Noncecasting Corporation came down on him harder than it did all those useless fucking chair polishers or indeed, nonces. Tells us about their priorities. What did St Esther Rancid know re Jimmy Fiddle ? Fucking everything.

Anonymous said...

Feck, I nearly puked, seeing Esther all dolled up, all gagging.

Ha, ha ha ha, ha ha, ha, ha ha ha. Fuck Clarkson, the talentless cunt.

That's what really grinds, that the fat spastic gets paid shit-loads, for primarily being a cunt.

I shit you not, he'd have to go.

And I'd laugh.


callmeishmael said...

There is an element, here, mr yardarm, of no such thing as bad publicity with Clarkson and all this will play well to les Faragistes, maybe Jeremy'll stand for parliament, he would certainly win a seat, him and Kelvin McFilth, although not, respectively, in Birmingham or Liverpool.

I saw black activiste, Lee Jasper, frothing at the mouth abour Clarkson saying nigger, or not carefully not-saying nigger, as he claimed to have done and I thought to myself, no point, Ishmael, in you trying to disarm words of their cruelty, none at all, for those in whose aid you act don't want the words disarmed, they want a continuance of their kids' vulnerability to WordCrime.

I think that stanislav on cunt had some impact, I just wish I could get everybody saying nigger.

Alphons said...

Why is it politically correct to call me a white man but wrong to call a dark brown man a blackman.
Being a man with Yorkshire roots and I am called a Tyke, so what is wrong with calling a man with Nigerian roots a Nigger.
A man from Scotland is often called a Scotty but he doesn't bark about it or go running round biting everyone.

call me ishmael said...

It is puzzling, mr alphons, logically. It is not, however, the logic or lack of it which annoys me, it is the assumed Righteousness of the so-called anti-racists on all sides who are so poised to jump upon the language of others in order to dignify their own phoney positions.

If you said to these people OK, Bristol, Liverpool, Glasgow, these places were all built on the slave trade, howsabout we flog off the civic buildings and confiscate the fortunes of all the descendants of the "good" mercantile families of these cities and we give the monies to the descendants of slaves, it's the very least we can do, really, you know, fair's fair. Be a bit more meaningful than every cunt and his brother blustering that I would never use the n-word, oh, not me, never.

As for the n-men, themselves, who will nigger one another all day long yet bridle when any but they use the word, well fuck them, they don't know the meaning of heartache, if they think that the niggerword is important they don't know fucking anything.

I remember my mother's tears at seeing the signs in the windows of Birmingham lodging houses _ No blacks, no dogs, no Irish. Makes me half-nigger myself, I think.

call me ishmael said...

Glad to give you a laugh although I think Ratty always saw herself as a sex Goddess, mr vincent. Always pouting at some double entendre or other, always much too forthcoming about her maritals, as if anyone cared. In later years, I believe, after widowhood, she regaled the nation, via shitsheet columns, with stories of her discovery of thong-style panties; quite pathetically sordid, really, Esther. I say I believe because being a Zen-Presbyterian-Marxist as I am, I shrink from that sort of exhibitionism.

I know we all hate getting old but there it is, few of us cavort and frolic so incongruously, so monstrously as this old baggage; flirting is one thing, makes the world go round, I think, Rantzening is something altogether more unwholesome.

Oxbridge, you see, they're all like that - priapic, licentious, predatory and mostly, like Rantzen, ugly as sin.

lilith said...

The BBC has announced that they will no longer play any rap music that contains the n-word. Not.

Alphons said...

I was not aware that Rap was regarded as music.When did it get elevated to such a thing. I always though music was melodic noise not blasphemous grunting.

jgm2 said...

I am curious to know at what point the word 'nigger' became purely a racist term for white people and a term of endearment for black people.

Obviously there will be a graph somewhere with a dy/dx = 0 when white folk could casually, racistly, like, refer to black folk as 'niggers' and obviously, there will be a cross-over point when black folk decided to 'ironically' 'reclaim' the word 'nigger' (sorry for all the quotes).

It's like the gay-ists trying to reclaim 'queer'. A word that for almost a century was a euphemism for homosexualists, a word they have sought to criminalise when used by the 'straights', a word they now seek to claim for themselves in the same way blacks want to claim 'nigger'.

They (blacks) say it (nigger) then it's 'ironic'. They (gayists) say it (queer) then it's 'ironic'.

You say it then you're looking at a jail sentence or, at the very least, a shit-load of cash defending yourself against a jail sentence.

But the word that proper pisses me off as a 'racist' word, is 'Paki'.

Paki. An obvious abbreviation of Pakistani.

When I was a kid we harmlessly went to the 'Paki-shop' to buy ourselves some sweets or newspaper for dad.

But at some point- probably the point where Indian shopkeepers were being regaled as 'Paki-bastards' by teenagers with #2 haircuts, 'Paki' assumed the same status as 'nigger'.

Even though there is a world of difference, even if we entertain the validity of word-crime, between calling some black chap a 'nigger' and some Pakistani (or, in your ignorance - an Indian) a 'Paki'.

call me ishmael said...

I am broadminded about music, I listen to and enjoy all sorts of stuff which others might find unpalatable. I was, I suppose, strictly speaking, a few years too old, just a few, for Anarchy In The UK by the Sex Pistols but I loved it's thrashing, distorted energy; I think Captain Beefheart was an eccentric genius and my heart warms at the sounds of the the Copper Family's rural and guitarless English folksongs; I have driven Mrs Ishmael mad-in-the-night with the plangent wailings and strummings of Mali's Ali Farka Toure; I like, too, all the conventional stuff, the sacred and the showy; quartets and arias; riffs, reels and ragas, the more esoteric the better. Rap, however, seems to me no more than a soundtrack to addictive and insatiable consumerism, the discord blues, sung from capitalism's sickbed.

Glad to see you're still alive, ms lilith, looking like a saint.

lilith said...

Thank you Mr Smith. I am alive but not saintly although I have spent the winter crocheting blankets if that counts as well behaved :-)

call me ishmael said...

I am glad you mentioned, mr jgm2, the criuminalising of the word queer, it happened at the same time as gay people started demanding the right to be what they call straight, even though they are not. I have said before, here, quite recenty as well as historically, that I used to like queers - back when it was incorrect to do so -but generally I can't abide gay people; apart from anything else they don't realise that as much as anything else it - gay - is just a marketing term, stupid fuckers.

call me ishmael said...

It's what I call, here in Ishmaelia, ms lilith, the Hearts and Crafts Movement - blankets, quilts, cross-stitch and so on; stay tuned, I will get around to it.

Anonymous said...

What is the world coming to when Rolf not only admits poking children, but seems to think that they are gagging for it, like Esther?


call me ishmael said...

I am not up to speed with this, mr vincent, this Tie Me Infant Down, Sport stuff. has he admitted something?

Anonymous said...

He has admitted that he had sex with a thirteen year old (he may have molested her earlier, but who knows?) but claims it was OK because she wanted it. He wrote a letter to her old man admitting it, but excusing himself by claiming there was no coercion.

Her old man wants locking up too, for not acting on it. The victim, now in her early 40s, is a psychological cripple, an alcoholic, terrorised into insanity no doubt, by images of the bearded wonder, sweating and grunting his way into her psyche.

I give up, i really do. Rolf? You may as well have told me that Looby Lou was a deviant.


Mike said...

Mr Vincent: didn't Keef Stone do something similar with a Mandy girl. And that little creep Polanski (Legion D'honnaire with oak leaf clusters) now resident in Switzerland. Don't remember them being Yewtree'd.

callmeishmael said...

It was Bill Stone, with young Mandy Smith, while his son took up with Mandy's mum. Some fucked-up shit in rock'n'roll. Old Bill turned up at Peaches'n'Smack's showbiz funeral last week, along with the former Duchess of Pork, Sarah. Billy Connolly could't make it, probably busy preparing a press release about whatever pretend disease he has now but he and wife, Pammy, were especially close friends of the Yorks, once upon a time. His knighthood is long overdue, Connolly's, in recognition of his hatred of the poor.

Polanski wriggled that because the girl, now grown, didnwanna make a fuss and therefore there had been no crime, rather like what happened in the beasting Deputy Speaker's case, the manky, screeching Welsh git. I can see them sacking Bervow and installing this horrid cocksucker, just to show us who's boss.

Wonder, on the beasting front, if Max Clifford will die suddenly, in prison, at the hands of British Intelligence.

lilith said...

They'll have to be quick about it Mr Smith (Clifford). After a few weeks they stick all the nonces together in Usk prison, so that they might better exchange grooming techniques, internet anonymity, phone numbers etc.