Thursday, 1 March 2012


Until death us do part. Or not.

Never been happy about the digitised celebration of grief, about the virtual disappearance of No Comment, from those assaulted by Life’s vicissitudes, and of their insistence upon as wide and indifferent an audience as possible.  This bloke apparently took his troubles into cyberspace,  into  Twitter and Facebook, where, regrettably, he was joined by his family members.

That his shooting by Raoul Moat was a dreadful event for him is not in dispute, but taking it to the depersonalised chatworld for remedy was a fool’s errand, generating an empty, worthless  and destructive celebrity.

If he’d had any proper friends they would have said, knuckle down, lad, we’ll help you, and maybe, down the line, you might meet someone genuine, someone who believes that sickness and in health stuff.  As it is, the global airing of every setback can  only amplify and enlarge them;   there-there, son, they might have said, we’ll help you, don’t you fret, there-there.  And if there was not this insane cyber  chit-chat,  maybe he would have made some flesh and blood friends,  Isn’t it only for the likes of Steven Fry, Twitter,   only for the incurably self-adoring?


Anonymous said...

wtf is Twitter?

I have never used it, don't understand and can't see the point of it?

People that use it are the spazzers who think that 'Moaty' was a 'legend'.

They also say 'RIP' and 'angel' quite a lot.

PS Any news on the committee's verdict?

Disco Dave

call me ishmael said...

The Committee, Mr disco dave, like the Almighty, moves in mysterious ways.

I believe the Twitter thing is a way our masters saying to us : Talk amongst yourselves, whilst we find new says to enslave you, almost like a Slaves' Parliament. Or like order-order, the famous ranting website.

jgm2 said...

Famous ranting website?

You say that like it's a bad thing Mr I. Cathartic is what it is. Getting it off your chest. If, as he asserts, the lobby-scum and MPs do frequent the place then I think it's as much hope as I have of 'sharing the love' with the fuckers. Making them fully aware of the contempt in which they are rightly held. The contemptible cunts.

Rant? Rant? I have not yet begun to rant.

Anonymous said...

Mr Ishmael,

Just realised that the poor chap has topped himself.

Didn't know when I commented above.

How sad that a twat like Moat has stolen another life from this ugly world.

The Almighty has a special place for people like Moat. Oooh yeah, real special.

Disco Dave

Anonymous said...

Mr Ishmael, Mr Ishmael, he said 'fucker', so he did.

The Committee is getting busy, hmm?

Disco Dave

call me ishmael said...

Mr jgm2 is native here, and to the manor born and the Committee is concerned not with profanity, which, although I may not speak for it, does not consider unworthy per se but with inter-personal abuse or even discourtesy among correspondents.

Mr jgm2, could never be accused of gthat.

P T Barnum said...

Blind Boy Blunkett reckons (well, it gets him back in the meeja) he was the ex-PC's friend, helping him adjust to his new life, thought he was doing really well, yadda yadda. With friends like that, eh.. And yes, using the word 'fucker' in relation to a politician is merely descriptive, or a straightforward substitution for Mr.

call me ishmael said...

It's not a bad thing, mr jgm2, just not as good, by a country mile, as the Colonel would have us believe. If it was any good there might have been some sort of change amongst the filthsers, and as we see, they just get worse.

Cyber-ranting may help folk get shit off their chests but it still gets splattered into their faces from those squatting on the Great Latrine of State.

It is an argument I used to have with the colonel, myself, before he became a genocidalist; is it all just a short-circuit, a lightning conductor, all this frothing; shouldn't we all be out ripping up paving slabs and making Molotov cocktails?

Judging By your consistently, comprehensive, barely-contained rage you know the answer to that as well as I do.

As for the Daily Star, I truly cannot imagine who buys that, cannot guess at their attention span, their day-to-day preoccupations; maybe too dumb, even, to know that they can get all the tits'n'ass they want online, or if they know what online means. Paul Staines, political correspondent of the Star. Fuck me, Jesus.

call me ishmael said...

Blunkett. The man who gave disability a bad name. He's made millions, apparently, since resigning. Amazing what the blind can do, when they turn their minds to it. He's been flogging off his official address book and the usual shit. What a horrible fucking bastard. Still, probably doing it for his little lad. Did the rotten bastard find some other mad women to marry? If he did it was sprobably because she couldn't find a decent multiple murdering life sentence prisoner and had to settle for a monster like BlindBoy Dave, the eyeless face of NewLabour, grasping, cruel, petulant, bullying and as greedy as fuck, waving his dick at Decency. Machine gunning, that's what he needs.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused.

Am I allowed to swear and be objectionable, or not?

call me ishmael said...

The Committee does not distinguish between words deemed by some as swearing and other words - see stanislav on cunt - but insists on good manners between correspondents. There are many cyber venues for mutual abuse, this fucking well isn't one of them.

Anonymous said...

OK,I've got it now.

Be nice to the other commenter, and the host, and fuck everybody else.

And try not to comment whilst drugged up.

OK. Just so long as I know.

Disco Dave

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

I have a terrible, sinking feeling, about this.

PC Rathband 'leaves' his wife and children. Mrs Rathband - childhood sweetheart, of course, tweets he left and wouldn't come back.

Why would a blind man live alone in a strange house?

PC Rathband tweets that the Mrs 'just wants to be friends', marriage over.

Now this. I have a horrible feeling that Mrs Rathband has a new bloke, moved him in, new life without useless blind husband. Daily Mail will soon runs pics 'Tragic PC wife finds love'.

I hope not....but today's dolly has self-possestion beyond imaginings of young anglo-irish catholic.

call me ishmael said...

What I wonder, also with a sinking feeling, is, did PC Rathbone rapidly learn braille typing or did others Tweet on his behalf and read him the replies and if the latter, how so sick is that ?

Of course, it was always going to be sick, this one, having allowed himself to be launched into the meeja, he was on the road to Hell. Simon Weston managed to survive it but that was years and years ago, before we opened the misinformation super highway.

No Comment, it's the only way.

call me ishmael said...


a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...


A young Anglo-Irish catholic said...


When me, the mrs and the umemployed etonian were all in the Mail last April, they were trained by Clarence House to say 'No comment' when the press called.

I gave a comment, and my old mate at CH was then rendered unable to socialise with me again.

Given an opinion to the press about your adulterous Mrs and the CH door closes and all aboard are ordered to treat you as a leper.

Well, I've got plenty more comment now the money has been dished out....

As you always said Mr I, when it comes to marriage vows, Clarence House is a kind of bermuda triangle. You go in and lose all moral direction.

call me ishmael said...

I don't mean to be funny or anything, mr yaic, but couldn't you just try to keep better company. I mean, royalty? Worthless, amoral, thieving, inbred, parasite bastards

You could be a prison visitor and meet a better class of person than that. Go down a homeless shelter, if they haven't been abolished by Ian Duncan Smith.

Dunno if you heard but Uncle Eddie Mair on the PeeEm programme has taken unto himself the role of national agony aunt and fuck me, he had some biddy on there today who was wetting herself at having met Brian at some do - he had the wonderfulest eyes and he actually had heard of where I come from, knew where it was and everything, and since I cime from Wales it just shows what a good Prince of Wales he is, like.

Up against the wall, motherfuckers, the ex mrs yaic excluded. Or not, if you wish.

mongoose said...

Is it not, mr yaic, more about honour than swinehood? Yes, CH is populated by swine and they have some sort of bastard code that is designed to isolate and marginalise when mischance turns into a requirement for PR damage limitation. Honour does not live there.

This poor lad was shot in the face by a shotgun through a car window. His life now shite to his mind. And, yes, maybe the wife has failed to stand by her man in the extremis of this disaster. Who knows? Shall we blame her then? Perhaps when we have walked a mile in her shoes, we might be allowed to lay the burden of failure and death at her unsuspecting door? Did she start this dance of death and disaster? She did not.

That terror and pain has taken him is to be regretted but we do not wonder at it. There seemed to be genuine regret in the senior officer who lamented his passing on the news earlier. There seems to be no parallel of presentation. Again, that a wounded person has been silly and allowed the media to whore him is to be regretted but the sin is the media's whoremonger not the lad made media fodder through injury and despair. Rupert and Kelvin and likeminded cunts are the ones we should blame. Poor PC Rathband, RIP, lad.

call me ishmael said...

All that is true and noble and poignant, mr mongoose, and nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors and we may therefore, since we have been invited, speculate that the late PC maybe wasn't the ideal husband before the shooting, and had no reservoir of affection and loyalty upon which to call, post-wounding, who knows, maybe he was an utter bastard,maybe she was flighty, as we used to say.

I haven't followed his media outings aside from what I've heard today and I found nothing admirable, Douglas Bader-ish, about him. Especially when one considers that it seems that his Chief Constable, at least, was prepared to do everything in her considerable power to help him.

The Amighty has set his hand against self-slaughter for a good reason, innit, and my view is that however dire the preceding circumstances, suicide is a moral failure. I can say that withour being part of any organised religion and know that you know what I mean. Of course it is a shame but it is a bigger shame for his children and his wider family.

Anyway all any of us can do is speculate but I would bet my house that he would have dealt with things in a less harmful manner had he just said No Comment. And made no comment.

It is part of the colonisation of language at which I am always railing - people really do think that they have friends on Twitter and Facebook and thus they give away their treasures to savvy IT werewolves, who market them, at vast profit.

a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Mrs YAIC could be put up against a wall, but her deeply damaged toff upbringing might allow her time off for bad behaviour. Or maybe not.

I kept my distance, really. Went to a royal wedding, a few garden parties, a xmas bash or two, a funeral. Interesting, but otherwise shunned the CH social circle over 13 years.

'Corse, as hack and Mrs YAIC reading all the mail, the phone was regularly listened to. Comedy, really, all the echos and hollowness on the line.

Richard Kay told me that the usual CH game is the police moving in on the staff (caught her at that as well) and wasn't that Diana's first affair, with biker cop who later got flattened?

I suppose like any place with a big wall outside it goes bad inside. 'Red carpet fever' they call it internally, but they live in their own world, fetid and inward-looking.

A hideous miasma of childless women in their 40s, gay men and short-lived ambitious types who pull things up by the roots and are moved on.

It is weird and unnatural, and I might have some sympathy for the dangerous and damaged Diana on that.

Really, the palaces should be staffed by the forces, who stay for a couple of years and are then re-assigned. Otherwise, the staff barricade themselves in and go mad. Brian would be better served.

Look at what happened at Buckingham Palace with Burrell and the gay orgies on Britannia.

call me ishmael said...

You should do us a piece on life in Clarence House, mr yaic, send to the usual email for illustraions and publishing as a a post

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

That might be an idea....

Dick the Prick said...

Whey hey hey, our own star columnist?