Interviewed on skymadeupnewsandfilth, Tottenham MP, Mr David Buffoon, NewLabour, said it was all unacceptable, totally unacceptable, that he was being made to look like an utter cunt before the world's media. As usual, blustered the useless bastard, it is a majority of people who think I'm a cunt, and the great minority who voted for me and my fellow MPs must have its voice heard. If there is one thing I would say to the people made homeless by these totally unacceptable events it would be Vote for Me, you can be sure that I will hear your concerns and do nothing about them.
Elsewhere in London, the Mayor, Mr BoJo, could not be found, despite a search being made of whorehouses, coke parlours and the offices of his employers, the Daily Filth-O-Graph, but a statement issued from his office said that the Mayor would find it absoluteley unacceptable, all this shit, rioting and stuff, hadn't he single-handedly secured freebikes4all, yes, and the Olympics, what would all the foreigners think of this shit. I do think that although he has done a fine job, Sir Paul Gob, the Police Commissioner should consider his positiion....what, the blighter's already gone ???? Well his deputy should go, then. not a moment too soon. What???? He's gone too???? Well, some sergeants, they should go. The policing of the capitol is a very important matter and not to be left to some coked-up, cock-waving nincompoop. And another thing, this is all the work of a criminal minority, bent on undermining the blah-blah-blah...you all know what I'm saying, help me out here........gosh, I hear they've been looting shops, don't these people have trust funds for their shopping. Anyway, once my holiday is over you can all be assured that I will give this matter my fullest whatchamaycallit, remember my Bullingdon Club motto, cogito ergo dumb, I think but I am an idiot. Not to worry, what, just a handful of wogs playing up, a few water cannon'll sort the buggers out. And hopefully people will see my handling of this great city as an example of how I would rule as Prime Bully, I mean minister. Rotten appointments, rotten police resigning left right and centre and the place up in fucking smoke and me nowhere to be seen.Vote4Boris, what?
A statement from the unelected prime minister's holiday location said that Mr CallHimDave was keeping in close touch with events in wherever it was, some slum in North London. This is exactly why I have a cabinet of millionaires, said the worthless, jumped-up fuckpig and former PR man, to reflect the concerns of the ordinary rioting Briton who hasn't a pot to piss in and my govament taking away what little support there is is a sign of our very great concern that rich people must, simply must, there's no two ways about this, mr deputy speaker, rich people must have more money.
Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside.
And if the whole fucking country goes up in smoke - only not Chipping Norton or Chequers, obviously - then it will all be as a result of thirteen years of Labout misrule and nothing to do with me. I must say it's a bit rich that the former prime minister has not come to the house to take responsibility for all my fuck ups but at least the people of Britain will know that I am doing everything I can to condemn this stuff as being totally unacceptable in a modern democratic police state. And to all the people who have lost their homes and businesses I simply say a heartfelt shutthefuckup, you're just the first of many.
Here on skymadeupnewsandfilth we will be following this story and if possible fometing more riots up and down the land as part of our attempts to draw the line under all this Murdoch shit. I'm Kay Burley. Stay tuned or I'll bite your face off.
Ms Kay Burley of skymadeupnewsandfilth