And we are joined now by the BBC's Economics Editor, Stephanie Tits, in Washingtton.
SYEPHANIE TITS, OF THE BBC.
Stephanie, your father was one half of Tits and Swan, wasn't he, what can you tell us about the debt crisis which could engulf the world, again? Yes, he used to mouth irritating faux-sardonic songs from his wheelchair, tuxedo up top and normally covered up in a plaid blankie, down below, whilst the other geezer
FLANDERS AND SWANN.
WORSE THAN THE FUCKING GOONS.
Yes, dunno what Simon Cowell'd make of that sort of an act, a singing cripple. But talking about cripples, how's President Obama gonna come out of this?
Well, the crisis is over, Gavin, for now at any rate. Basically what happened was that something nearly happened, but didn't, in fact, it was never gonna happen but being journalists we had to pretend that it might happen, otherwise there's no point in me being here to cover it. I mean, clearly, everybody knew that it wasn't ever gonna happen but everybody had to go through the motions ......
A bit like one of those backbench Labour rebellions, all piss and wind...???
Yes, that's right Jeremy, it was, as we economists say, all piss and wind, all got up to frighten the voters. What they do is they tell people that they're not gonna get their pensions or salaries or anything and then they say Oh, alright then, but we'll have to cut them right back, now, which would you prefer, no salaries and pensions at all or most of your salary being diverted to the richest people in the world and you keeping a little of it? It's a no-brainer, as we economists say......
it's what the Coalition is doing, here, frightening everybody, setting groups of workers against one another and siphoning all the money off for its friends, giving tax breaks to people who hardly pay any tax at all.
You mean like Georhe Osborne letting his mates at Vodasphone off billions of pounds in tax?
Yes, Gavin, that's right, and blaming the nurses and teachers for it, it's what we economists call divide and rule, But you know that, anyway, we're all part of it, you and I, the BBC, our colleagues at skymadeupnewsandfilth, everyone in MediaMinster. Just as long as we keep on telling people that there's no alternative to them having their living standards halved, there's no alternative to an unelected govament of spivs and chancers, and there's certainly no alternative to the financial terrorists raping the assets of entire countries then our jobs're safe, simple economics, really. No point in us slinging mud, mud, glorious mud at the people who employ us. I mean, I didn't come into showbusiness to offend rich people. There'll be another crisis along shortly, to keep people on their toes, and keep me flying around the world at taxpayers' expense. there's fucking dozens of us here, just now, covering this made-up nonsense for the BBC.
Thanks Stephanie and enjoy the shopping in Washington. That was Stephanie Tits, our economics editor, there; yes, I know, beggars belief, but she has fucked half the Labour front bench. And now, it must be nearly ten minutes since we've had a weather update, so over now to Cindy Tits, who has the latest for us.
THANKS, GAVIN AND IT'S A BLEAK OUTLOOK
FOR ANYONE WHO WORKS FOR A LIVING
BUT THE REST OF US SHOULD BE ALRIGHT