Monday 13 July 2015

BIG NEWS STORIES WHICH DON'T MATTER


 WHO WILL REPLACE THE SELF-FELLATING NICK TOENAILS


AS THE PBC'S CHIEF READER-OUT OF GOVERNMENT PRESS RELEASES?


WHO FUCKING CARES, DINGLEBERRY?


KIWI COVER-UP EXPERT


I WILL REPORT ON EVERY STAGE OF MY FULL AND FAR-REACHING COVER-UP INTO HISTORIC CHILD SEX ABUSE BY POLITICIANS WHICH PROBABLY DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAPPEN.
THAT'LL BE TEN THOUSAND ENGLISH POUNDS PER WEEK, PLEASE.
FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

GORMLESS BENFITS SPONGERS  PUSH OIK IN PRAM

THAT'LL BE TEN THOUSAND  OF MY ENGLISH POUNDS PER DAY, PLEASE.  EACH.


AND FINALLY.
A GOOD NEWS STORY WHICH DOESN'T MATTER.

CRAZY ADOLESCENT MUTANT GETS ARSE KICKED BY GROWN-UP.

24 comments:

mongoose said...

One feels sorry for the little man - dressed as he is as if it is 1954. And what was it with the junkyard pram? Are they now retro-cool and I missed it?

call me ishmael said...

There was that great song by, I believe, Dr Hook - I Got Stoned And I Missed It - mr mongoose, these days I feel sort of Ain't that just like me? I'm living in some mad, stoner world, in which grown-ups, deprived of their reason, stumble around, obsessing about bizarre trivia, such as Prince Gormless and Princess Trollop gynaecological erotomania, Ruritanian militarism and infantile sentimentality, jostling each other for prominence in the Shitegeist. I heard Gormless hymning himself last night and I wouldn't want to be within a hundred miles of any helicopter he was pretending to pilot. Y'remember, mr doug shoulders, his useless father, Brian's, military service - grounded his minesweeper and crashed his aircraft and his Ma gave him a chestful of medals when anyone else would have been gcashiered? Well, I reckon Gormless, with Brian for a father and Dopey Di for a mother will be an aeronautical hazard of great significance to anyone near him; probably spend his time, anyway, air ambulancing his mates, the Beckhams, from fashion show to after shave launch. Why, by the way, hasn't Dave been knighted or made an honorary Prince, for his services to intellectually impaired narcissism and royal, arse-licking matery? Somebody should start a petition. MakeThis Cunt A Prince, HashTag, DotCom, SmileyFace@twitter.dot.Morons4Becks.dot. GayUnderpantsIcon.dot.com@NelsonMandelaLives.dot.co.dot.FreeOscarPistorious.dot.com.AndMakeHimAKnight2.dot.com.
SmileyBlackFace@GreatAthleteMurderedGirlfriendAccidentallyOnPurpose.SA.dot.com.N'koseSikeleleAfricaIsAShithole.com.

Doug Shoulders said...

They’re like a pair of fucking pandas at the zoo… Mr and Mrs Gormless. Except that the pandas aren’t fucking are they?…Shouldn’t they be extinct if they’re not producing according to the theory of evolution that the PBC like to promote. the pandas..?
Mr gormless needs to grow a pair. If they’d treated my mother like that …well .. he must be very forgiving chap.
Hope he keeps better company than his father does. His mates are all in the nick. At her majesties pleasure innit?

call me ishmael said...

Yes, utterly spineless, the pair of them, magnificent young men, Johnny Underpants called them, at the time of the Great Accidental Tragedy, brainless, cowardly lickspittles, especially Hero Harry Hooligan, photo-opping all over the world with limbless cannon fodder. Oh but mr ioshmael, howl the Ruritanian horde, he puts his life on the line in Wogland, Aye, right, and his cock on the table in LA, worthless pampered cunt.

Doug Shoulders said...

At least the hooligan doesn’t have Brian for a father.

DtP said...

£10k a week and she said she 'hoped to report back by 2020'. Ferking hellski - allowances won't be taxed that much so she's probably on about £6-7k per week for (I assume) something that will be sub-judice anyway. I'm...i'm just...i'm just frickin' flabberghasted. I bet she is laughing her head off and has already planned for a few spanners taking it up at least a year - let's give the girl some credit and assume before she's got her foot in the door there's a vague intention to do a job but 6 months down the line - well, be churlish not to slow down a bit - crikey - serious matters deserve serious consideration and all that jazz.

The Peado Prince got installed as Chancellor of Hudds University yesterday replacing Jon Luc Picard and the daft git told Pickard to 'Live long and Prosper' - twat - wrong frikking Star Trek ya moron. Surprised one of the students didn't hurl abuse, geez - even students have the rebellion of a Lib Dem these days - brainwashed little pricks. When I was that age, I counted it as a pre-requisite to try and insult everyone. Wazzed all over Churchill's statue in Parliament Square under the pretext of 'It's what he would have wanted - free Englishman dontcha know' but these days? Pay £45k for a degree in sychophancy - bargain!

call me ishmael said...

She speaks fluent Pompous, mr dick, ChiefConstableese, I listened to her for a coupla minutes and wanted to jump up and down on her greedy face.

The New People, whom you mention, they really do deserve an implant, to feed the shit for which they have such an appetite straight into their stupid throats. I didn't know about Brenda's bloated degenerate bastard, wish I'd been there.

yardarm said...

Operation Long Grass is well under way, a room full of ambulance chasers belching, farting and scratching their balls and filling in their exxies. Judge Kiwi Ambulance Chaser is ' earning ' every penny they pay her. Gets in for the crack of midday. Polishes her nails, lunch on exxies and home by three. Knocks off on Tuesday for a long weekend in the land of the long white cloud. And summer hols coming up. And Christmas, which in her case will start in mid September. Give it a few years and because of ' new ' revelations it will be replaced by Operation Kick the Can Down The Road. This pantomime will make Chilcott look like greased lightning.

SG said...

I feel you have been a little unkind to our esteemed Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr I (he of the pale 'sperm face' as you have put it back up the road). Mr Mongoose's observations upon the photographic evidence you have presented, the recycled 1950's suit and junkyard pram, suggest that the crackdown on immigrant benefit claimants  is already yielding early, beneficial results!..

mongoose said...

More importantly, do we think the IMF may have grown a pair?

Doug Shoulders said...

I’m not so sure the IMF is making noises in the interests of the Greek people or fair play.
They’ll have something else in mind to ensure their owners and investors are benefitted.

walter said...

MY eldest son was pushed around in an hard bodied pram, came from a junkshop, if you want one now the price is £1250,Better than those polythene greenhouses,Theyre popular with north eastern scottish fishermen,s wives also people who like walking,
My sons take after their maternal and paternal grandfathers, so there must be a bit of the duke of edinburgh in the princes,And as for brian not being the father of harry
ive studied a lot of photos of the pair and im absolutely convinced he is!

Mike said...

Be careful what you say (think) Mr Mongoose. The crumpled dyke on the right is packing serious heat under her right arm, and a hand gun on the left, if I'm not mistaken. She could crush you between her thighs. All in the line of duty.

SG said...

Yeah - but you missed out what she could do with the stilettoes Mr Mike (welcome back BTW). Also, I see that Mrs May has stomped on Boris' toys. He should pop back over to the Fourth Reich. I gather, from elsewhere, that a few Panzerkampwagen V Panthers are still in operational condition (a triumph of German engineering and excellent for fast, agile crowd control - probably - and subject to business case and risk assessment using standard Met Police methodology of course... oh dear!...).

Also, Best Wishes to Mr I, whom, I suspect, may be detained in the decompression chamber just now...

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr sg, no, just detained by the past, my old friend's widow and family visiting, to walk with his ghost. Have now recovered from the problem which postponed the hyperbaric reatment and will try to rearrange it but I expect delays in that, in any event, the patient hotel has fast broadband so I won't be in Purdah.

I haven't a fucking clue, mr mongoose, about Greece, I rely on you and others for that, that's why I come here. Russia Today offers a different point of view and biased as it may be it is at least a balance to Jon Sox's melodramatic gushing and reports on such oitbursts of continental solidarity as may be happening. mr doug shoulders will be correct, nevertheless, in his assessment of the IMF's motivation. And why now, why not before, for the release of that report?

I have read those refutations of the Harry Hewitt story, mr walter, from journalists and other lackey courtiers and they are as persuasive as the argument that Lee Harvey Oswald killed the president. And even if Hooligan IS the spawn of Brian I am happy to assist in the perpetuation of the myth that he isn't; thise fucking bastards would burn our children to keep their own warm, fuck 'em.

I think mrs ishmael drew the same conclusion about the Gormlesses pistol-packin' nanny. Odd, isn't it, hiw we have come to accept the fact that in Ruin's Kingdom, anyone with access to public money can swan about protected by thug goons at best, tooled-up psychobastards at worst,, not only accept it but applaud it. from our customary posture, down on our knees, 'tis a wonder we don't overbalance and fall over.

Tracey May's intervention is pure opportunism, we can be sure that the population-suppression vehicles will not be beaten, yet, into ploughshares, and Dog Boris will have his albino day. Nightsticks, water cannon, teargas, headlights, Molotov cocktails and rocks behind every curtain.......All that is needed is for people to abandon the absurd notion that there is a workers' party and a hard or anarchic Left will emerge, maybe even a hard, Poundland right.

Nah, I'm only dreaming.

Goid to see you, mr mike, if you have any postable despatches from the Peninsuls, nmkc2@icloud.com is the place to send them.

Mike said...

Hi Mr I, good to hear you are in fine fettle: my cyber lurking of late has been curtailed by the Memsahib. Currently in San Sebastian (lovely place if you haven't been); Fort Napoleon on the point, now renamed Fort Wellington. How the buggers beat the frogs on those commanding heights with their cannon etc, God only knows, its hard enough just walking up the winding path.

Salamanca is a beautiful town, and reading about the battle of Badajoz, and the aftermath when Wellesley's troops went on a 2 day drunken rampage makes the blood curdle.

Hope to get on a bus to Pamplona tomorrow. The running of the bulls has just finished, and I'm glad to report that the bulls won. Lots of gorings, and one dead - heard in a bar last night it may have been a Yank, but can't confirm.

I've signed up for the Camino Frances next year with a mate who lives in Spain, 750kms walk with the pilgrims. Hopefully will go some way to atoning for my sins. Some fit looking nuns walking the country trails.

Overall, with the amount of pre-planning and travelling etc we have done so far (in Spain, the transport is excellent - rail, road and air), my over-riding impresssion is how the hell do you keep an army moving and functioning 200 years ago?

Off on phase 2 of Le Grand Tour shortly (2 weeks in Nth England visiting wife's mother, and if I'm still alive, off to Malta and then Sienna for the Palio, then Florence, Venice and Croatia). Then back to Bangkok for some R&R and home to Sydney.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr mike, good to hear from you. I chortled at the bull gorings, too, in Pamplona, I know I shouldn't but it is such vile cruelty, the bull run and the torture of the ring. I was out on Hoy Island, the other day, looking at the Martello Tower and barracks and found myself thinking similar thoughts, about the army of the Empire; all over the world there were garrisons and outposts like that, all built, equipped, furnished and administered just-so, by the book. That's how they did it, by the book, Queen's Regulations. And the lash, of course.

Sounds like a great holiday, keep in touch and bon voyage

d said...

I was at the bullring once…shocking. …8 euros for a can of warm coke and I was too far back to see the cow getting stabbed.

1 dead eh? Has anyone told uncle Obama ‘mericans are dyin’ abroad?

Doug Shoulders said...

That was me…shit…fekin’ predictive wotsit thing…

call me ishmael said...

Yes,I hate it and can't quite disable it; it is a wonder we are not all insane, we cyber nomads, maybe we are.

Bungalow Bill said...

That's an irritatingly delightful trip you're on Mr Mike. I might stagger into North Wales at some stage over the next month. But only for a couple of days.

mongoose said...

Well that is touching, Mr I, but I begin to lose track of quite what the objective is with the Greek debacle. Surely it cannot have been this?

I think the answer must be that the unworkable project is now exposed for what it was all along. It is a cock-up rather than a conspiracy, and Angela has had to cut the Greeks adrift - rather than that with Teutonic coolness she has chosen to. But the Germans surely would not have poisoned the strength of the DM for this mess - no matter how guilty they are supposed to feel. Personally I think that Carney's yatter today about interest rates rising next year was bombast to stop the fire from rekindling rather than an expression of confidence.

If we must test the real, nearly 50% of kids are unemployed in Greece. And Spain. And Italy. The EU-wide figure is nearly 20%, not counting delaying adventures with tertiary education. The EU is become part of the problem rather than the solution. I think therefore that it will have to stop.

mongoose said...

Seems to be on the wrong post, mr Ishmael. Don't know how that got all started. Apogies.

inmate said...

Mr. Mongoose, wrong post maybe but you are exactly right, the EU " I think therefore it will have to stop."