Monday, 4 April 2011



Altogether, now, we are scrapping Mr Andrew Spivsley's Health Service reforms not because they are shit, which they are, not because they were dreamed-up while he was drunk in the bath, even though they were and most definitely not because people realised that I hadn't a fucking clue what was going on in my govament.  No, we are scrapping them because they are too good. And people don't deserve them.  So there.  Just because the doctors and the nurses and the midwives and the occupational therapists and radiologists, yes, and the patients, too, so everybody, in fact,  says Mr Spivsley's proposals are unworkable, unthought-out, ruinous rubbish doesn't mean they are right.  I mean, what do they know, compared to Mr Spivsley? When I say we are scrapping them, what we mean is that we are postponing them for three months whilst we listen to people. And then we will scrap them. Or, better still, just forget them.  Like our election promises. I can always blame wotsisname, Clegg,  the thicko.

It's rather like the woods, or the forests or whatever it was.  Just because Mrs Spellman is a useless, expenses-fiddling, shitbrained,  gobby airhead didn't mean that she had it wrong on the woods, or forests, even though she did.  Mr Spivsley, oh, I have every confidence in him and will sack him at the earliest possible opportunity.

 Mr Andrew Spivsley.

Whilst shadowing the health department in opposition, Spivsley  insisted that his moonlighting in the private sector, at fifty grand a year, kept his feet on the ground.  Shame it didn't keep his head out of his arse. Cameron will announce this morning that he is temporarily shelving  Spivsley's lunatic plans to destroy the health service and sell the good remaining bits to his mates.


Dick the Prick said...

It was always either drivel or bullshit. Consultants wouldn't demean themselves by being spoken to by lowly GPs attempting to commission services from them -fnar fnar - the sheer fucking audacity of it all.

It's fine that cash follows the patient but that doesn't mean lobbing £80 billion at GPs and seeing where it sticks.

It's the same outcome though, in that Foundation Hospitals are going to choose a few specializations and push more elective surgery & procedures out to GP funded clinics.

The medical/clinical side of the NHS has to be split from the clerical but that doesn't mean handing 2/3rds of the cash to a clinical office. Medics need medical support and ofcourse they have to update records but that's where their paperwork journey ends. All clerical staff should support their function.

It's a fake conversation. Money follows the patient and if that journey is shit then why is it shit? That's where matrons come in. Fair enough, it seems like hospitals trying to do everything have to go then fine. If it's evidenced based research then fine - machines cost a lot, staff cost a lot, facilities, training, innovation, specialisation cost a lot so i'm absolutely fine that the NHS is an ever evolving entity. But to hand £80 billion to GPs who are the lowest of the low is pure fucking incestuous madness.

There has to be a way of separating the facilities & the staff and the Tories' back of a fag packet, half arsed, condescending first attempt at genuinely helping the NHS has been rather poor.

TDG said...

Healthcare ought to be determined by need not want, for wanting what your doctor believes you do not need is pathology, and therefore itself treatable. This Marxist equivalence of need and want can only find satisfactory reality in a highly centralised, market-free, communist-style system. Which is, of course, how the NHS started out, and why it was so good, for so long.

Dick the Prick said...

Soz about that. Seems my drunken rant was a bit disorganized. I'm a bit pissed off really. Last week I went for an economist job at our local strategic health authority and some numbnuts private 'recruitment consultant' or 'cunt' had a right go at me because I thought that the Health Bill was bollox and not likely to go through in current format and he was blithering on about the role of 'Monitor'.

It was my own fault, I guess in interviews you're meant to just go on the facts in hand rather than interpret stuff as likely or probable. Didn't help that I was dosed out of tits on Lemsips - yowzers, they're strong these days. Hmm. Anywho - soz for the drunken rant.

call me ishmael said...

I thought it was quite well formed, mr dtp, and enjoyed it, especially the idea of the fake conversation which CallHimFlorence seems to be having publicly among himselves and his stooges, the one wherin he says we are, actually, changin' all those changes but staying exactly the same.

Mr The Dyers Garden, though an infrequent commenter, remains sharp as a razor and soft as a prayer, his summary being all that needs to be said.