Saturday, 9 April 2011


One of Whitehall's finest brains, sorry, liars.
No, my pension will be thi-i-i-s big.

Following confirmation that Mr Rupert Murdoch and his filthy slags are a cancer in British society, Mr Cameron's official spokesman, also known as the Cabinet Seckatry, Mr Gus O'Slag, has issued a statement clearing Mr Cameron of any stupidity.  

Just because Mr Cameron employed Mr Andy "Andy" Coulson,

Don't worry, Andy, just remember
that we're both working for the same great cause, Mr Murdoch

who employed thieves and gits and arseholes as journalists and put him at the very heart of govament does not reflect badly on Mr Cameron.  On the contrary, the statement continues, Mr Cameron is to be commended for his position that Mr Coulson should not be punished twice for the one thing, even though he never even done the one thing, never mind the two things wot he never done, and never even knew about, even though that's impossible and  which is why he resigned from skymadeupnewsandfilth (of the world) and did so very honourably, considering how he thought he had bought-off all of Scotland Yard, even though he had only bought off most of it. Mr Cameron's point is that while many so called liberals are calling for prisoners to be given the vote, he, as prime minister,  goes one further and says that cerain serious criminals shouldn't even go to court, much less prison.  By this he clearly refers to Mr Coulson or indeed anyone employed by Mr Murdoch.  Including himself.

Mr Cameron is said to  be very angry about things and worried that Mr Murdoch might sack him from his job as unelected prime minister.  Just because everybody in the country, including his employers, knew that Mr Coulson's hacks were  filthy slags, is no reason for him to have known.  That is why he is such a brilliant editor and communications expert and no reason at all for the prime minister's  former right-hand man to go to jail. No reason at all.  I mean, the statement concluded, what would happen if it became clear that Mr Flashman had appointed a rotten filthy, lying, thieving, shit-eating cocksucker as his  foremost aide de camp?

Ms Rebekah Slag, CEO, skymadeupnewsandfilth UK
No, they don't hack mine. Just everybody else's.

Asked if skymadeupnewsandfilth's permanent employment of  her former husband, the wimp, Sgt Ross Kemp, in an endless succession of wog-shooting, gang-busting,  he-man roles was an in-house pisstake,  the rotten old crow said No, it was just to stop him blabbing to the other tabloids about their bizarre marriage,  it's easier than having him killed, although that might change.

 Sgt. and Mrs. Slag in happier days, but not very.

One of Mr Murdoch's former prime ministers.
My Name Is Death.

 Look, I simply say to you, that when Imelda and I were figuring out how to make our fortunes, Mr Murdoch was extremnely helpful to us and now I'm grown filthy rich on the corpses of infants, Hail Mary. I mean, just look, I won three elections with his help and Gordon didn't win any without it,  goes to show,  that's rock'n'roll. I think everyone has much to thank Mr Murdoch for. Me especially.


Woman on a Raft said...

Right. I've sorted this Spandau Ballet thing out once and for all.

Martin Kemp is the bloke with the sharp nose and who sells sofas. He and his brother Gary Kemp were in Spandau Ballet.

Martin Kemp then went on to be in East Enders with Ross Kemp who is not his brother and was not in Spandau Ballet.

Awwright darlin'.

PT Barnum said...

Something I heard yesterday (which I'd not heard before), in the reaction to NI's cynical retrenchment, is that many of the victims of the sleazy stuff are not slebs or even vaguely famous: they are 'ordinary people' who also had their phones 'hacked'. Yet the "compensation" was suggested only for the deserving rich (who can afford to sue) leaving, I wonder, how many quiet, unassuming lives in tatters with nary an apology?

yardarm said...

Is that a bead of sweat on Rupe`s elderly brow ? Who`s going to take a hit for the Capo ? Coulson and Brooks`s knees must be clattering like castanets. One sign of imminent fun will be when phone calls will not be returned, access denied, as they all try to distance themselves from one another, like the Politburo when Stalin fancied a bit of a reshuffle.

Then they will all try to bribe or blackmail each other; any bent public figure (most of `em) will be in the firing line as the situation goes into meltdown. If Ruin turns a blind eye this will all end in politicos, media figures and bent coppers hauled off to clink.

All it would take are some honest and courageous politicians, journalists and coppers, who can`t be bribed or blackmailed.

We`ll get this at the same time as personal helicopters to fly to work in, world peace and four course meals in pill form.

Verge said...

Dear Mrs WOAR, I always thought it rather poor form that neither brother, despite their having Panzerpunned a path to pop paradise, had the balls to write a sleb memoir called "Mein Kemp."
What's Kraut for chickenshits - Huhnscheissen?

black hole sunset said...

That is so wrong, Mr Verge, but is more or less wrong Julian Clary calling his own memoir "Mine Camp".


Dick the Prick said...

Not only is Sir Gus' opinion irrelevant it kinda seems completely out of order. If we have to have trust then disrection should be considered, appropriate and within the discretion of the office. I keep on babbling on about this but Lord Phillips who is (I think, again, defer to Mrs WoaR for full sp) Head of Supreme Court and the dude said renegaing, removing, recinding whatever from the Eurepean Convention of Human Rights would be 'horrendous' and I thought - steady on old bean, are you fucking knackered?

Has this cunt never watched 'yes minister'? Hmm...apparently 'he was persuaded to stay'. Fucking hang out the bunting, Sir Gus is here!' Who does he think he is? He went walkabout on the coalition fix too. Bit of an arse felcher.

call me ishmael said...

I don't know if Gus actually commented on NewsCorp but if he had it would have been the usual career-serving drivel of senior mandarins. Yes, he loved the coalitioning waltz, didn't he; what an unspeakable arsehole.