LEPRECHAUN FALLS OFF BLARNEY STONE.

THERE'S NO FUCKING JUSTICE.

squeaked Willy O'Wanker of the massively subsidised airline, British-Dago Airlines.  I mean, anybody who knows me knows that I am a firm supporter of the Courts, just as long as they agree with me and my pisspoor record on industrial relations but once they step over that line then they can fuck off and fly with my arch-rival leprechaun, Mr Micky O'Looney, of Air Begorrah, see how their Lordships like that, having to bring their own champagne and not getting it bought for them by the tax-payer. I'd sack them, so I would, I'm good at that.

Time somebody at BA stepped back and had a look at how much this belligerent little monster is costing them - and their passengers.  There's no question but that this free or ninety per cent  discounted flights for life perk is a bollocks, indefensible, somebody's paying for it and it's probably me,  and it may be the case that cabin crew numbers can be reduced without compromising safety.  This nasty little prick, however, if he was any good as a CEO,  should have accomplished these reforms by flattery, bribery, negotiation, whatever it takes, that's why he gets the big bucks. Isn't it?

He should be sacked. He can always go into the House of Lords, with Digby Grease, Alan Sugar and that other tosser, wotsisname, Admiral Liberace. Oh yes, and Peter, the Lord Crabs, founder and proprietor, NewLabour plc.  Willy  could be on Call Me Dave's A-List, for the Lords, elected, but only sort-of.

BENT JUDGE WANTED. GOOD MONEY AND FREE AIR TRAVEL

MR JUSTICE KNOBROT, AN EMINENT QC

Our unnamed client, Mr Wally Leprachaun, 4'6",

MR WILLY WALSH, OF BRITISH AIRWAYS

is the head of a an unnamed company, British Airways, which is, in industry parlance, in a nosedive, falling from the sky with all aboard shitting themselves, screaming and biting each other. I have brought this iconic airline to this position where, after the fiasco of the Terminal Five non-opening with all the luggage getting lost and the passengers sleeping on the floor and having engendered the worst industrial relationships in airline history I now need a judge to vindicate my desire to say and do whatever I think makes me look big, which I am, if not in stature, then in my owm mind.

The successful judge will be able to pontificate about his duty to the public whilst lining his own pockets and easing the progress of his worshipful brethren in the police and legal, um, professions; anyone, therefore, with UK judging experience will do. The remuneration package includes lots of money and free first class flights to Bangok and the destruction of any records held about His Honour by Operation Ore, not that there are any, of course. Applications in person to Mr Willy Leprachaun, cubicle 4, the gents, Heathrow Airport. So mote it be and may my breast be cut open and my heart removed should I betray a fellow leprachaun.