The Sunday Ishmael: 21/12/2025

 

That's the Christmas decorations up. Best get the sprouts on, now.

I've been away down south for a bit of a pre-Christmas debauch - you know, Christmas markets, illuminated forests, fake snow, mulled wine, hot chocolate, decorated stately homes, and the like. Two days of  hard driving got me back to Orkney for the solstice. 

What with all the jollity, I've not been keeping up, but I did fall about laughing at the rage of the Democrats when the released Epstein papers dished the dirt on Clinton, rather than Trump. 

Former president Clinton relaxing in a very dirty bath indeed.

Furious Democrats splutter that any Clintonian involvement with the Daemon Epstein is totally irrelevant, as it was long ago and far away, and under all that redaction lurks kompromat on Trump. 

The lack of any explanation of the origin of Epstein's wealth has prompted Speculation that Epstein was an agent of a Foreign Power, which filled his coffers with gold to enable him to compromise powerful and unprincipled men by pimping pubertal girls to them, and that he used strategic very large gifts of money to, for example, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew and his red-haired doxy, to obtain access into certain circles.

A painting of Bill Clinton wearing a dress hung in the front entrance of Epstein's New York apartment.

Further speculation (known as The Clinton Body Count) asserts that President Bill and his wife, Hillary Trousers, secretly had their political opponents murdered, often made to look like suicides, totalling as many as 50 or more listed victims. The compiler of the original list, Linda Thompson, admitted she had "no direct evidence" of Clinton killing anyone. Indeed, she claimed the deaths were probably caused by "people trying to control the president" but refused to say who they were. The death of the Daemon Epstein, under very suspicious circumstances, in prison, is said to have been on the instructions of Spunky Bill himself, attempting damage limitation. All nonsense, of course. As is the following, from the imagination of mr ishmael.

CLINTON, THE MONEY SHOT.

 

It's the jism, stupid.

President Spunky Bill Clinton  has offered to fly over Cairo's Tahrin Square in a low-flying Black Hawk helicopter and ejaculate over as many  wogs as possible. You know, my fellow motherfuckers, he said, addressing both houses of the US legislature, life is like a porno movie - and we all done seen a few of them in this here legislature -

Cheers, thunderous applause,  "Way to go Billyboy"

- as I was saying,  life is like a porno movie and it's the cumshot that counts, ain't it...???

Damn right! Splatter them nigger  bitches!

Leastways, it done worked with that tramp Lewinsky. One minute she was an innocent young girl bein' abused by the most powerful man in the world and then she brings out that blue cumfrock and fuck me, Jesus, she ain't nothin' but a  goddamned filthy cocksuckin' slut tryin' to bring down this great nation of ours and everybody from the Washington Post to the Tombstone Epitaph and especially our good friend and employer and great American patriot, Mr Rupert Murdoch, of twenniethcenturyfoxmadeupnewsandfilth,  is madder'n Hell and wanting  to lynch the bitch, after, natchally, they all done give her a good old Arkansas gangbanging, humpin' her ass from here to Thanksgiving, just like she was a no-count redskin squaw and they was the Seventh Cavalry Sonsafuckinbitches Regiment. So, I reckon that'll do the trick, get them coons back in their tents where they belong and not putting the fear of Jehovah up them Jewboy next doors  asses; hanging outa that chopper, shooting my load and yelling Bismillah, niggers, I feel yo' tits, I mean pain, just a few good jerks and that airborne spunk-o-rama   gonna be flowing all over them niggers, jus'  like napalm, in the bitches' hair and in them beards they all wear over there, send 'em all home happy little cocksuckers, 'sthe only thing them ayrabs unnerstand. Women, too. Wassat? Who's gonna do the jerkin'? Well. y'all can bet yo poxed-up peckers it ain't gonna be the Seckatry of State, nosirree,  Hillary Trousers, her being  a devotee of the carpet-munching religion and thinking my meat and potatoes done come straight from Bee-elzebub, hisself,

just for the purpose of putting her off  her matrimonial appetites for life. In a time of crisis, is only one person America can turn to, he handjobbed and blowjobbed and rimjobbed for President Bush and he can do it for me, specially if there's  a few dollars in it, maybe a sawbuck up my asshole for him to tease out with his tongue. And a medal.

. 
The prime minister of the UK, Tony the Limey rentboy,
receiving his Congressional Cocksuckers Medal from Spunky Bill.

His ole lady? Imelda?  Gennulmen, you are shittin' me. Jeez, she got a kisser you could park the USS Missouri inside of. No gennulmen, it's me and mah good Limey  friend, Tony Blair, bringing persidential see-men to the hea-then.

Jerkin' 4 Democracy, Spunky Bill boards the

Flying Ejaculator, for his historic mission.

Meanwhile, far away, in another part of town, outside the revolting celebrity-media-politics  circus, a little warm brown friend
expresses the public's view of William Jefferson Clinton.

...............................................................................

 The four-volume Call Me Ishmael oeuvre, collected and curated by editor mr verge, is available on Lulu and Amazon.

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the last, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

Ishmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps :

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

Golspie, Sutherland