Scotland is very worried because it has the flu. Not quite the usual flu, but a mutated variant of the H3N2 virus, which is known for causing more severe illness, particularly among older adults. The situation has led to restrictions on visiting hospital wards, returning to wearing face masks, hand washing and urging the public to have the vaccination. Public Health Scotland reported that in the week of 24-30 November, lab-confirmed cases rose to 1,759 compared with 845 the previous week. Hospital admissions as a result of the illness also rose by 70%, from 426 to 724.
It seems that Scotland, contrary to past performance, has won some football matches. Now, you know that I don't do football, at all, especially Scottish football, where the boisterous booziness of the fans outclasses the tedium on the pitch, but Scotland's World Cup 2026 certainly excites Neil Gray: Scotland will play Haiti, Morocco, and Brazil in the World Cup group stage, in Boston and Miami, kicking off on June 13, 2026, and concluding on June 24, 2026.
Then there's the Commonwealth Games, being held in Glasgow from July 23 to August 2, 2026, with 74 nations and territories competing in 10 sports and six Para sports including Para Powerlifting.
Can't wait.
Not least is the inaugural Nations Championship, with Scotland competing against Argentina, South Africa, and Fiji in July 2026, and culminating with matches against New Zealand, Australia, and Japan in November 2026.
Yum.
Never mind the bloody flu, eh?
The oaf, Gray, is an Orkney lad, born and brought up here and educated at Kirkwall Grammar School. Please don't run away with the idea that the name "Grammar School" is an indicator of excellence, it is simply the state secondary school attended by children living in one half of Orkney and the isles. Stromness Academy takes the rest of the kids. "Academy", equally, is meaningless. Following Kirkwall Grammar, the oaf Gray went on to gain a B.A. in Politics and Journalism from Stirling University. He was selected to stand as the SNP candidate in Airdrie and Schotts, amid the usual SNP nonsense - one chap, SNP Councillor Alan Beveridge, resigned from the party in February 2015 after Neil Gray was selected, claiming that there was a "climate of fear, intimidation and false allegations within the party". Sounds about right for the SNP. Just as a sidebar, a degree in Scotland takes four years to achieve, the vaunted Scottish Highers being in no way equivalent in length or academic calibre to A levels, so the first year of degree studies covers A level ground. It's ok, though, Scottish tuition is free, on account of Scotland being progressive and its broad-shouldered citizens bearing higher tax burdens than in England, thusly:
the basic rate is 19% levied on incomes up to £27,850;
20% on income between £27,851 and £43,662 and
41% on income between £43,663 and £150,000.
Should you be lucky and broad-shouldered enough to earn over £150,000, you will be taxed at 46%.
Honest, not invent.
Back to keen athlete, the Oaf Gray, (he buggered his knee running in the 400 metres). In November 2024, he used his official ministerial car to be chauffeured to watch four Aberdeen F.C. football matches. Gray registered the events as official government visits, on account of being Cabinet Secretary for Wellbeing Economy, Fair Work and Energy at the time. In a statement to the Scottish Parliament, he also admitted using an official car to attend five Scotland matches, saying all the engagements were "official ministerial business" and that summaries were available for all of the meetings, but apologised for not attending "a wider range of games", and for creating the impression that he was acting "more as a fan and less as a minister". The Scottish Conservatives accused Gray of having a "jolly to watch the football" at the expense of the taxpayer and called for the costs to be refunded in full, while the Scottish Greens predictably criticised him not for misusing his ministerial perks, but for not using public transport. First Minister John Swinney (SNP) told journalists that he would not refer Gray for investigation under the ministerial code, and that he considered the matter closed. Not everyone was so satisfied, however, and in January 2025, a Freedom of Information request revealed that no note was produced of Gray's meeting at the 2023 League Cup final at Hampden Park. Gray subsequently apologised to the Scottish Parliament for making a misleading statement. John Swinney re-iterated his support for Gray and insisted that the Health Secretary had made an "inadvertent error". In June 2025, it was revealed that in 2024 Gray had also used his official ministerial car to be chauffeured to a pub before an Aberdeen F.C. match. The journeys were logged in the official ministerial register as trips to and from a "personal address, Aberdeen". These entries were amended after an investigation by the Scottish Daily Mail showed that no evidence of such an address could be found. Officials acknowledged that Gray had no home address in Aberdeen; the Scottish Government insisted there had been an "administration error", and the First Minister John Swinney said, "The ministerial car was used in accordance with the rules that have been set out within the guidance on this occasion. And those rules that are clearly and publicly advertised have been followed on this occasion."
So that's alright, then. Nothing to see here, move along, business as usual for the SNP. What did happen to that £600,000, by the way?
It hasn't done Gray's career any harm at all, of course, what with all that support by John Swinney.
Now Cabinet Secretary for Health and Social Care, Gray is responsible for handling Scotland's response to the flu epidemic, god help us. His interviewer this morning on the politics show had a little dig - "Minister, it is well known that you are a keen football fan" - like water off a duck's back, it was.
So why should our English readers care? Maybe because Scottish football fans attending matches in England in their uncounted hordes spread Covid, urged on by Gnasher.
It seems that The Punditry is never tired of repeatedly telling the nation that Covid Lockdown was a generation-defining catastrophe, that children are feral and teenagers unemployable because their schools closed, that mental illness seized the nation, that men and women forgot how to get it on and that the economy will never recover. I seem to have been in a different universe - my recollection is that lockdown really didn't last very long at all, and that being sent home from work with a laptop was a delightful interruption of the daily misery. The weather in May 2020 was fabulous and the sea sparkling blue as I took my state-sanctioned daily walk, and I spoke to neighbours I'd never even noticed before, (socially distanced, of course), as we passed while walking.
This construction of a false narrative, that by repetition becomes the new history, has been perfected by the Labour Party, who told us, with appropriate gravitas, all about the Conservative Black Hole.
You may have already come across the following - if not, enjoy:
There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster, at Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:
Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.
IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.
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We'll tax that, too. |
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