The Sunday Ishmael: 21/09/25: I don't know the man

 

I don't know the man

Nope, definitely not.

I don't know him, either.

A servant girl saw him seated in the firelight and looked intently at him. “This man also was with Him,” she said. But Peter denied it. “Woman, I do not know Him,” he said. A short time later, someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not.”…

Despite his poor memory for faces, Trump had a brilliant time in England. 

Little King Charles did very well. I always thought he was quite a tall man, but he seems to have shrunk lately. And you'd never think he was two years younger than Trump, who is clearly going to live forever. The standard lamp at his side, protecting her left breast from Trump's projecting elbow, looked and behaved impeccably as always,  although the purple lampshade she had repurposed to create another of those keepyourdistance hats that had so frustrated Trump's attempted kiss at his inauguration was not as fetching as Queen Camilla's imposing piece of hattery. 

Anyway, all that diplomatic goodwill, flattery and special relationship mumbo-jumbo will be spaffed up the wall with Starmer's preposterous recognition of Palestine as a State. As one commentator said: today I am going to recognise the state of Narnia.

 Let's recognise a state with no internationally-recognised borders, capital city or territorial integrity - Palestine currently consists of two separate territories – the West Bank and Gaza – governed by separate Palestinian groups. Hamas has ruled Gaza since 2007, whereas the Fatah-dominated Palestinian Authority governs the West Bank.

This has got the paw-marks of the Oaf Lammy all over it.

Thick as mince, as those who remember his appearance on Celebrity Mastermind in 2009 will attest. Here's an example:

Q. What was the married name of the scientists Marie and Pierre who won the Nobel Prize for physics in 1903 for their research into radiation?

Lammy: Antoinette   (Answer: Curie)

Q. Which fortress was built in the 1370s to defend one of the Gates of Paris and was later used as a state prison by Cardinal Richelieu?

Lammy: Versailles    (Answer: The Bastille)

Q. Which variety of blue English cheese traditionally accompanies port?

Lammy: Red Leicester    (Answer: Stilton)

Q. Who acceded to the English throne at the age of 9 on the death of his father Henry VIII in 1547?

Lammy: Henry VII     (Answer: Edward VI)

Q. Which country's so-called 'Rose Revolution' of 2003 led to the resignation of its president Eduard Shevardnadze? 

Lammy: Yugoslavia     (Answer: Georgia) 

Well, I didn't know that, either, but then I'm not Foreign Secretary. Oh, yes, neither is Lammy now. 

My A.I. told me off when I asked it if David Lammy is stupid. It's response: "Critiques of public figures often stem from selective interpretations of their actions or statements and do not accurately reflect their qualifications or worth. Lammy's educational achievements and significant political roles suggest that he possesses considerable intelligence, regardless of individual public blunders. It's crucial to engage with such topics thoughtfully rather than reduce them to simplistic judgments."

So that means my A.I. thinks he's stupid too, but it has drunk the milk of  BeKind.

Starmer sent Lammy out to face the politics shows this morning, presumably knowing the poor brute would be ripped apart. Trevor Philips had fun with him, riffing on the French migrant deal: 

"Why is this one in, one out policy still actually about 31,000 in and three out? Why aren't you sending people straight back?"
Lammy did his best, replying: "Well the starting point is returns are up 14%, 35,000 returned and as foreign secretary I kept a close eye on the relationships we were striking with a number of countries to make sure their nationals were returned if they had no right to be here. The truth is we exited the EU, we left the Dublin Convention, we did not have arrangements in place with countries to return. This pilot is the first step at a negotiated deal with France for one in, one out and I'm pleased that has now happened despite attempts in the courts to thwart that. It's the beginning, not the end of the story."

Understandably confused, Trevor Phillips was undaunted and hit back with sums, "Here's the problem with this: 1,000 people crossed the Channel yesterday. Even if you got to your target of 50 returns a week the probability for anyone getting into one of those boats being returned to France is around one in 20."
Conceding defeat (sums, after all), Lammy said:
"It's an important deal to have struck and if we can build on it over the coming months and increase the numbers that's what I expect the Home Secretary will be doing."

The Trevor Phillips drubbing was as nothing compared with what Laura Kuenssberg was dishing out this morning. She asked Lammy to do thinking - wouldn't recognition of Palestine as a state give Hamas a propaganda victory - show that the October 7th invasion had been successful and achieved its objectives?  The best he could do was to say there was a distinction between Hamas and the Palestinian people and that it was an attempt to at least "hold out for" a two-state solution. He more or less said that it was a counter-productive waste of time. He asked himself:  "Will this feed children?" and answered himself: " No it won't". " Will this free hostages? That must be down to a ceasefire."

The impact of Starmer's recognition of Palestine as a state was immediately apparent in the gleeful demeanour of the formidable bully, Husam Zomlot, the head of the Palestinian Mission to the United Kingdom.

He was rather gloating about Starmer's recognition of Palestine as a state, did a bit of man spreading, talked over Laura and was generally a bit loud and foreign about things. The most risible thing he claimed was that Palestine was the cradle of civilisation. The "we were here first" argument.

You'll remember that there's a bare minority of Scottish citizens who would like to free themselves from the imperialist shackles of English occupation. 45.5% voted yes in the referendum on Scottish independence in 2014. That figure went up to 53% in 2020 and then down, with 46% now saying they would support independence. That's a lot of people wanting rid of English rule. There is no legal way of achieving independence if Westminster denies it. So here's a strategy - one that has now been proven to be effective. Scotland could undertake border incursions into the north of England, murder, rape and mutilate at will, and seize hostages, returning with them to Scotland, to hold underground until England gives in and recognises the sovereignty of Scotland. It'll take two years, max.

Starmer's abject subservience to his Muslim voters and their left fellow travellers by recognising Palestine not only rewards the truly horrifying actions of Hamas, and their anti-semitic determination to wipe out the state of Israel and its citizens, but sets a precedent that could be eagerly followed in various corners of the world.

Furthermore, it really pisses off Trump and undoes all the good achieved by Good King Charlie. Which bit of Israel is our ally and Hamas is a terrorist organisation of great evil does Starmer not understand? Or does his desire to maintain his position and his Muslim vote outweigh sense, morality and the special relationship?

Kuenssberg' s panel today comprised Malcolm Rifkind of the deep brown voice, Jack Thorne the writer and producer of that silly thriller award-winning TV show Adolescence, and political correspondent Ava-Santina Evans of the lots of hair. During discussions, one of them declared that we are in danger of ignoring the gorilla in the garden.

That's a bit much. Really. Going Too Far. Hurty words.

Why does the BBC keep getting Malcolm Lower Your Voice to A Shout Rifkind out of his box? Former Conservative Foreign Secretary who believes he has Important Things to say about the Middle East, twice disgraced by the expenses scandal and by his cupidity in attempting to sell the influence he gained as Foreign Secretary to Channel Four journalists. Why the devil would anyone listen to anything the man has to say?

On other matters, presumably you got the alert on your mobile phone on the 7th September? It was supposed to vibrate and emit a loud siren sound for 10 seconds whilst displaying a message saying it was a test. Good. At least you will be alerted when to take action in the event of a national emergency. 

What national emergency, Prime Minister? 

Well, life-threatening emergencies nearby. 

Really, Prime Minister, like what? 

Oh, you know the sort of thing. Weather emergencies. Flash-flooding. 

Incoming missiles, Prime Minister?

I was reminded of the mobile phone alert when a young relative came home from school the other day and reported to her mother that her class had been practising hiding under their desks. Her mum had not been given prior notice of this class exercise, and asked why the teacher had required them to hide under their desks. She didn't really know - well, she's bright for her age but only 7. She said that they had to practise so they would be good at it when teacher told them to hide.

I can only thank god that the Oaf Lammy is no longer Foreign Secretary.

There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.

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Rose hip syrup

Collect 1 kg rosehips, from woods or hedgerows

About 500 g granulated sugar

1. Blitz your rosehips in your Ninja Nutribullet or other food processor.
2. Put the mash in a large saucepan and add 1.25 litres of water.
3. Boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for about 15 minutes.
4. Strain the mixture through a double layer of muslin, allowing the pulp to sit for at least 30 minutes to extract all the juice.
5. Measure the rosehip juice into a large saucepan. For every 500ml of juice, add 325g of sugar.
6. Heat slowly, stirring until the sugar has dissolved. Then bring to a boil and cook for 3 minutes, skimming off any scum as necessary.

You can bottle or freeze the syrup. Put a jug full of it in the fridge and give everyone a tablespoon a day. Just like in the war.