Wednesday 25 March 2015

THE THINGS THEY SAY. RUSSELL LUVVIE ON THE BURDENS OF GREATNESS.

Bullyboy prima donna playactor, Russell Crowe, has spoken out in defence of his fellow lout, Mr Jeremy Fuckhead. Listen, he told the PBC, I know all about long days, and if Jeremy's been out there all day, giving it everything and all he wants in return is some hot food at the end of it, well you can understand him feelin' like he did. Right, darling Russ, just a bit of hot food. And a million pounds a year, plus.

Russ went on to say that maybe Jerry Fuckhead's victim had a bit of a point, maybe there were two sides to the story -even though there aren't - but Top Gear, after all, IS Jeremy Fuckhead. And that's what counts. There we are, the view from luvvieland, superior beings, abusing and assaulting their  inferiors. Such hard work, darling, tyranny; the little people simply don't understand.

Crowe, thus far, has managed to buy his way out of bullying behaviours which would see most of us behind bars. They call it Hell-raising, don't they, the showbiz equivalent of the Bullingdon Boys. Clarkson, though, is sufficiently fucked-up and self-destructive to kill someone;  his recent drunken tirade at one of those fuck-awful charity shows portrayed a man some distance from reality - the PBC, he ranted,  by having the nerve to investigate his disgusting behaviour was ruining a great show. The truth, though, is that since his nigger remark Clarkson has been doing his best to get himself sacked. And who could  blame him, who in their right mind would want to be in a ridiculous, never-ending pantomime with televisual rubbish like May and Hammond, widely adored by Neanderthals, a poster-boy for sclerotic, red-faced masturbators; drooling like a teenager over some scrawny Hollywood baggage;  a fifty-five year old, cast as Dennis the Menace

If the PBC does find the nerve to sack him it will  be one of its rare examples of public service and will also be doing Clarkson, himself, a great favour; he wouldn't like jail, which is where he was heading.

It remains to be seen whether or not the police will investigate this matter, they may, of course, like darling Russell, take the view that it's OK. for great men to kick the servants up and down the hall.





35 comments:

Doug Shoulders said...

If he gets the heave, he’ll be picked up by Sky. Isn’t that where all shamed showbiz folk end up?

call me ishmael said...

Some say not, mr doug shoulders. Although Murdoch, Fox and Sky walk the nigger walk, they scrupulously don't talk the nigger talk; Clarkson has and is rumoured, therefore, to be forever outwith Sky's charmed circle. Newsnight will have him, of course, and the Guardian, we will not be denied his boyish charm, scintillating wit and no-nonsense approach to wogs, wimmen, shirtlifters and public sector employees, a chat show format, perhaps, CuntTime With Clarkson.

I have e-mailed Dave Jones, chief constable of N Yorks., asking him when the BBC became a branch of lawnforcement, empowered to investigate and dispose of criminal assaults

Doug Shoulders said...

Indeed, you’d have thought the producer who was clobbered would have had him up for assault etc. Then he’d be nicked. And if he’s nicked he’ll not get the Sky job.

Perhaps Sky and the BBC have a relationship.

You emailed the polis?...ha ha...good luck with that.

Mike said...

You'll be pleased to know, Mr I, that Australia has twice refused Russ Aussie citizenship, most recently in 2013. We don't like his sort here.

Bungalow Bill said...

Its a bit off when a Squire can't chastise his manservant for failing to keep a proper table. 21st century or not. Things are falling apart Mr I, they really are.

call me ishmael said...

Sorry, mr mike, I thought he was an Aussie, good for the Bruces, then, fucking him off. It was a maid, he abused, wasn't it, in New York. I wish he'd come up here and try coming the old soldier.

call me ishmael said...

It's dave.jones@northyorkshire.pnn.police.uk, mr doug shoulders, if you feel like passing the time of day.

It is odd, though, that the PBC feels entitled to investigate an allegation of criminal assault and does so behind its own closed doors and yet no-one raises an eyebrow. A few weeks inside, that's what Clarkson needs; another friend for CallHimDave not to visit.

call me ishmael said...

Tush, mr bungalow bill, everythings fine; just look at the fuss the Ruritanians are making of Richard the Third, an unexpected feast, just the thing to keep them going until the next Prince and Princess Gormless brat arrives in a few months. Phil the Greek'll be off, soon, how the nation will rejoice at a life well, if rudely lived, at his dedication to duty, his honours and distinctions. And then it'll be Prince Hooligan getting wed. And then Brenda will die or abdicate. And then it will be King Brian and Queen FagAsh Lil and then, before we know it, we'll have King and Queen Gormless. No wonder we are the envy of the Ruritanian-speaking world.

Perhaps Cameron will, in the spirit of things, send Clarkson to the Lords, as he did that PornoQueen, Karren Brady, the Dirty Old Lady, publisher of Asian Granny Spunk Guzzlers. It is where he belongs, after all. How the people would cheer.

I like that, Karren Brady, Dirty Old Lady; all my years reading Viz magazine not wasted, after all, nor theirs reading me.

call me ishmael said...

I e-mailed Dave Jones some hours before the announcement about Clarkson but I am sure it had nothing to do with his subsequent statement. It is curious, however, the closeness between the police and the PBC, firstly the failures to prosecute Savile, recently the liaison over Bachelor Boy Cliff and now this, relying on PBC investigations to determine or oherwise a prima facie case.

Since Dave is so amenable, however, I might write to him again, suggesting that he and his blokes form a very big kettle, with horses and water cannon and herd all the maddened Clarksonites into the North Sea. It would be both an act of mercy and the right thing for the country.

SG said...

Apparently Crowe is a Kiwi that thinks he's an Aussie. Small wonder he is as he is. The Clarkson thing, assuming it is true (I'm always suspicious of the hyperbolic media reportage that we are on the receiving end of these days - even more so the outcome of any PBC 'investigation' - not that I hold any brief for the 'blokester'), is bizzare. Someone of his profile and means losing it over a missing steak and chips? More to this than meets the eye maybe? Either that or he needs an anger management course.

Dick the Prick said...

The maddening thing is tho that Clarkson, North Yorks Finest aside, will probably earn more out of this than he would have originally done and the PBC will lose but I guess that's by the by.

I try to limit the people for whom I reserve hatred for and whilst I find Top Gear a bit bland and repetitive, it largely passed me by. I thought Clarkson just a boorish, arrogant prick who was penned as some kind of polemicist whereas he's a common or garden well off public school boy.

John Virgo, on the other hand, will get the full bunting and carnival treatment round my house when he dies. Not a word of a lie but I really fucking hate that cunt and how/why the PBC employ him is enough to make me apathetic if they privatise the whole God damned shitheap.

call me ishmael said...

We certainly cannot know the whole truth of the affair, mr sg but I do believe Jerry kept pushing the behavioural boundary in order that he might shed this loathsome skin which he inhabits. And now he has. One of his fans said today, rightly, that they could have flown-in. steak and chips from France and still been in huge profit. His own means would see to it that he didn't want for hot food. He just wanted a row, probably with himself but the producer was handy and Jerry's not one to miss a bullying opportunity.

It's all a bit Pink Floyd, I think. Roger Waters was the Floyd, until he left and the Floyd became bigger than ever. Whooda thunk it?

I suspect that for every disgruntled Clarksonite there will be at least one car-lover, like me, who will tune-in to a car show without him and his dingleberries desperately trying to. reinvent their own pantomime wheel.


Always thought of Kiwis as. nice, polite sort of people, shame about Mr Crowe.

call me ishmael said...

You keep saying this, mr dick; every couple of years, just what is it about Virgo? Is he a beast? It doesn't matter.If you hate him that's good enough for me and I'll put the bunting up, too. But if you have a minute, what is it about him?

How're the Tories doing, by the way?

SG said...

You are right about that Mr I - we'll probably never know the truth of it. That said I don't really give a fuck about any of it - though I don't like bullies (who does?). Regarding Floyd - "Dark Side of the Moon" and "Wish You Were Here" - those masterpieces get aired here from time to time. However the "We don't need no educashun - Brick in the Wall" shit - are consigned to the dustbin of history along with the entire works of "Dire Straits" ('Dire' indeed... they just sprang to mind as they were interviewing the dire one on the Today programme this morning...)

call me ishmael said...

Meddle had its moments, too. I remember loving Dire Straits -Sultans of Swing, Southbound Again, Six Blade Knife, Waterline, Lions but after that first album they just spiralled away into overblown bombast, Telegraph Road and Brothers in Arms. And Oh, that guitar solo, the same galloping thing over and over, regardless of the song; he shouldn't come around here, playing up at people like that. A shame, really, he'd never be Richard Thompson but he should've been a lot better than Dire Straits.

SG said...

OK Mr I, I'll dredge them ones out of the bin but below that, I warn you, is ELO!

Dick the Prick said...

I know it's highly libellous to call someone a paedo without proof - although i'm probably a bit behind the lead car on Ruin's highway these days - he just gives me the total heeby jeebies. There's nothing to it except that rare thing where you just want nothing to do with them at all.

In the spirit of Joe Cocker or maybe even The Beatles and Get by with a little help from my Friends - there's a couple of lines 'Do you believe in love at first sight? Oh, I am certain it happens all the time'. All fine and dandy - where the fuck would the romance genre be if it was the normal, insecure, getting to know you crap that usually goes with eventually, if you're lucky, falling in lurve stuff so i'm cool with that. By that token though, what about pretty mental instant hatred - not just clocking a wrong 'un (like you boxed off with Mr Philpott and his dead kids issue) but a visceral 'get the fuck away from me pronto, cunt' feeling? I think it's some caveman shit, some primal scream that maybe 50 generations ago that cunt's ancestor sold my lot down the river and gave away the location of our camp to some Norse fuck or something for a few pints of mead that they'd all wazzed in. Yeah, it's a bit difficult to explain.

However, with Clarkson, I kinda feel like i'm being ripped off - that he's the school bully whose daddy was rich and he gets all the latest toys so people will like him, just for a minute, and then the daft bastard sees one of the popular boys who kinda tolerate him so in an effort to attract attention acts like a total dick again. So after the 2nd time you just kind of ignore the guy.

I met the guy who used to bully me at school about 5 years later in a boozer and I was quite pissed and stoned so had a normal chat at the bar with him and it was kinda depressing what an empty character he was. I sure as shit didn't feel sorry for him - it wasn't that good at bullying but I just thought it was all a bit tedious, I guess. That i'd let this non-entity piss me off for about 3 years made me a bit angry that he wasn't a criminal or pervert but just a dull fuck who bored the shit out of people and sought some kind of juvenile affiliation by picking on the nerdy lads.

But Virgo nah, Virgo's one of the worst kind - he's a sadistic mother fucker, true fucked up pervert, get the fuck out of my town and someone keep an eye on the git to ensure that he does cunt. Do you believe in hate at first sight - I am certain it happens all the ttiiiiimmmeee.

call me ishmael said...

Lovely, mr dick, pure loveliness. I never see Mr Virgo but that's good enough for me.

Never stayed still long enough for that in-person friends reunited encounter so that's a bit of a revelation to me.

There was early, archived footage of Clarkson shown tonight and he looked just the sort of pampered lout you describe, a bit of what used to be called a nancy, in fact. If Nicholas Parsons wasn't proof that a very little goes a. very long way at the PBC then Clarkson is all the proof you need, hasn't changed his act in forty years.

Emily Stringbean confirming tonight, by the way, what we have been saying about Jerry being a headcase, or nutter, as he would put it.

call me ishmael said...

Knopfler's better stuff is collaborative. Neck and Neck, with the late Chet Atkins, is sublime and his playing and producing on Bob Dylan's Infidels is most superior. Best leave ELO down among the dead men.

yardarm said...

Britain`s oldest two year old, that's Clarkson. Most Joe Soaps have to get their own nosh after a days graft, and that's proper graft, not poncing about in front of a camera with two other manchildren. Then keeping everyone else waiting while he got tanked up and screaming like a little girl because he cant get what he wanted. Diddums.

I wonder if cocaine was involved. And he was hanging about with other Chipping Norton filth like Rebekka, the Innocent Maid of Wapping and CallMeTopHat, thought no one could spank his bum. This is the most interesting and amusing thing he`s done: Big Babys Entitlement Thwarted.

call me ishmael said...

The Big Baby Blues, it's right, mr yardarm; as Big Baby Russell said, nobody knows the meaning of hard work like the people in Showbiz do.

I hadn't realised until last night that it was serial drunk-driver turned political scientist, FatPaul Staines, Colonel von Fawkes, himself, who was organising the million-strong Nazi horde, marching, in their bedrooms, on behalf of Clarksonian racial purity and the Freedom to Bully. I guess Murdoch will be paying him well, for bashing tne Beeb.

mongoose said...

It begins to look now like the "sell it once, then sell it again" scam. JC and his pair of thieves are going to package it for Netflix or whatever web-TV gang want a proven show to kickstart themselves. It's stretching it to see it as a put up job - from the first punch as it were, but odder things have happened.

yardarm said...

Fatty Fawkes must think he`s defending some bastion of free speech, not some over entitled oaf but then Fatty thinks he`s a rebel when he`s just another Lobby correspondent, one who blogs. Bilko Robinson only with hair, a fat gut and a website.

I recall from the now distant days when I called in at the Pizza Hut, Staines boasted then of his drink driving. He won`t like prison either.

call me ishmael said...

Now, mr mongoose, no less a thinker than Mr May, himself, has averred that all this is very complicated, more complicated than many people can understand; you, therefore, should take your lowly engineer's hook and sling it, leave these complicated matters to a bona fide, pseudo-scientific, shallow, worthless and pathetic, elderly media slag. Like him.

call me ishmael said...

It is now a ticket, blogging, right into the unwashed arsehole of skymadeupnewsandfilth. Tim Montgomerie to Murdoch's Times, FatPaul to Murdoch's Sun and Mrs Dale to Murdoch's Sky News Review. All of these three, mr yardarm, you may recall, referred to my young friend, stanislav, as a genius, whilst obviously not understanding a word he said. Shit-eaters, all of them, they make Toilets Maguire look like Integrity's bodyservant. Staines, though, his conceit will choke him.

lilith said...

Russell Crowe is an Australian trapped in a Kiwi body. He's a victim.

lilith said...

I mean, how will he cope with the cricket final tomorrow?

mongoose said...

It's on a knife edge tonight, Ms Lilith. Oz at fortress MCG v the form team so far. But it is the best chance NZ may ever get to win the thing. You can rest assured that Crowe will be a true kiwi for the day should they do so.

mongoose said...

It should be about now that the BBC works out that they are damned whatever they do next with the show. Green and worthy v burning rubber or thin imitation v the real thing. One would hope that they are really just standing against workplace violence and bullying - whatever did really happen - and to hell with the consequences, and maybe they even think that they are.

It all just looks a bit knowing to me. Even down to May bumbling about in front of his multimillion pound artisan's cottage and playing the recorder. A rising ride of laddism and clumsy remark-marking. A bit of Argie-baiting and then one up the bracket for the effete Mr O'Irishman. "It's getting a bit stale. Let's get some PR and flog the bugger to Fox before it's too late."

I must learn to keep my nose out, Mr I, and not intrude on their suffering.

Mike said...

Ms Lilith, Mr Mongoose: I'm not the only Aussie who will be chearing on the Black Caps today. Some strong stuff in the Sydney Morning Herald the other day about the Aussie team's boorish behaviour.

call me ishmael said...

It has been a busted flush, a stripped gear, for a very long time, now, the Indian and African trips utterly risible; dropping a VW from a mile up fantastically desperate and you can sense the fleet of Winnebagos or the parked choppers, waiting to accommodate or fly to the nearest hotel our trio of apparently camping-out heroes.

I mean, we suspend our disbelief with every human encounter and I'm happy to do it for some rewarding TeeVee but I have no interest in watching three rich grown-ups in a play group and nor, I am sure, do the 64 million who didn't sign Staines's petition, the fat Nazi cunt.

I am sure, therefore, that even if events have been serendipitous sighs of relief will have been heard all over the corporation; many will be glad to see the back of this rubbish. Dunno about you but I find May's money-grubbing vulgarity the most offensive, although I would of course be delighted to learn that all of their arses had spontaneously fallen out.

lilith said...

At least Russell will be happy with the result 😢

SG said...

The other Russell must be very happy with this result:

http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/world/world-thinkers-2015-the-results-thomas-piketty-russell-brand-revolution

Must have been that profound philosophical treatise 'My Booky Wook' that elevated him to a position of such high esteem amongst the readership of 'The leading magazine of ideas'. WTF?

SG said...

We were discussing Dr Ramirez's works back up the road Mr I. Professor Bartlett, in his series 'The Normans', on PBC 4, just now, shows how it should be done...

call me ishmael said...

Yes, I knew about it but missed it mr sg. I will try to catch up, I bought one of those things, an Apple dongle, so's I can watch i-stuff on the big telly, just need to figure out how to do it.