Friday, 6 February 2015


Back in the days of Old Showbiz, before celebrity people broadcast every second of their inconsequential lives, there were recordings known as bootlegs;  generally cassette tapes, these were unauthorised studio outtakes, home and concert recordings, sometimes just snippets of sound; they were impertinent glimpses into others' privacy and I never bought or listened to any. Bob Dylan was the most bootlegged person in Old Showbiz and maybe because of his famous reticence, his enigmatic diversion of enquiry, Bobsessives would listen to tapes of the sound of Bob's kettle boiling or of his dog barking; people'd be better-off  doing that than buying this shit.

...So set 'em up, Joe, make it one for my baby
 and one more for the road. 

Next week in Record Review:  

Billy Bragg plays Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on his mouthorgan.

"An unalloyed pleasure. And a surefire Nuimber One" 
 The Guardian.

"A triumph of eclectic arseholeism. Bragg is our most professional folk-singer and paid political activist."  
The Filth-O-Graph.

"Stupendous yet strangely coruscating, brilliant in its epic,  emotional intensity. Billy's mouthorgan breathes new life, strangely virtuosic,  into Beethoven's compellingly complex yet strangely accessible masterpiece."
Lord Melvyn Bragg of the PBC.


mongoose said...

I had hoped, Mr I, that this cup might have passed by unsampled. Dear God!

call me ishmael said...

It's just my imagination; heard a few bars, that was enough. Just off to have my eyes lasered, better that than listen to this.

Anonymous said...

I thought you were just having a laugh. I can't believe the twat has actually done it.

Billy fucking Bragg wants stringing up by the bollocks, fake little bastard.

Another talentless cunt, droning into a mike, thinking that fact gives him the right to demand that I live in a world that he helped create with his 6th form angst, a world he excludes himself from in his multi million pound, gated, mono-cultural cliff-top complex.

Ludwig would have punched the cheeky twat's lights out.

call me ishmael said...

I did make it up, at least I think I did although I wouldn't be surprised by anything Woody Bragg did, for all the reasons you list and more. You are not related, mr anonymous, are you, to mr jgm2, anarchopreneur, of this parish? You bear a him a passing resemblance. And he is missing.

Anonymous said...

No Sir, not he, but my current state of hate, disgust and despair is, I fear, commonly felt and expressed by most and sundry.

Mike said...

Mr I: loved your earlier piece in the style of Belbin; a classic of the genre. More please when you find a suitable topic (no shortage of bollocks and hypocrisy in the arts world).

call me ishmael said...

Gosh, that was a while ago, mr mike, I'd quite forgotten; had to scratch my head, for a minute, Belbin Bagg. Thank you.

call me ishmael said...

Certainly seems to dominate the shitegeist, mr anonymous; before this vast theatre of cybershouting existed, however, impertinence such as we suffer would have led to paving slabs being hurled, lamp posts becoming gibbets and blood in the streets.

Anonymous said...

They may still, with luck, and if God will.

Oh, for the days a blackheart was dealt with as such.

How the fuck did we arrive at such a station as this? One which permits those which would murder us to lead us?

I think we may have crossed paths afore. I'm sure I recognise you :-)

Alphons said...

It seems as though many of the "Billy Brags" of show business are very fond a a Mouth Organ.