Now look, there's two lesbians and the one lesbian said to the other lesbian, I'll be Frank with you and the other lesbians says, No, I'll be Frank with you........no, no, only joking, and let's face it, if you can't have a joke about lesbos then what can you laugh at, you have to admit, it is funny, two birds and one of them pretending to be a man, and not one pertion of meat'n'potatoes between them. Not as funny as David Cameron pretending to be prime minister. But even so. I'll be frank with you, my people.
I mean, make no bones about it, I blame Europe,
no sense of humour, none at all.
But no, if we lived in a mature and free democracy
like the one which we Poundlanders would impose on the country, only for it's own good, only for it's own good, make no bones about it, I speak as I find, I would have been able to go into that place with Douglas Fruitcake-Turncoat, today
No, but yes, I mean no, I sincerely meant it last time,
about being a Tory.
And I really mean it this time,
about being a Fruitcake,
Fruitcakeism, it's the only thing for me.
and, you know, hold his hand, as it were.
Instead of being out here, like a cunt, in the fucking rain.
Instead of being out here, like a cunt, in the fucking rain.
I mean, it's not every day that I get to lead a party which operates in a place I can't get into.
Ridiculous and pathetic?
What, that the only way I could get an MP in Westminster was by stealing one from the Tories and using his existng popularity with the local electorate?
No, Absolutely not.
That I wasn't brave enough to stand myself?
Rubbish.
Dishonourable and inconclusive?
Not at all.
No, Absolutely not.
That I wasn't brave enough to stand myself?
Rubbish.
Dishonourable and inconclusive?
Not at all.
But the thing is, the thing is, I couldn't have contested that seat and got myself into parliament first.
Why not, why couldn't I?
Wel, because I might have lost, that's why, and I'm theFuhrer, I mean leader, leader, that.'s the word, it's my party, so how would that look, me getting stuffed byu people who don't fall for me talking out of my arse? Great bloke, actually, Hitler, for a German, don't agree with all his policies, mind, I'm no racist, but these trade unions, well, sometimes you do have to be cruel to be kind. And all this guff about the minimum wage, hasn't actually got us very far, has it?
But I admit, it does seem a bit strange, the unelected politician being in charge of the elected one but, hey, that's democracy, politicians've always done what their bosses tell them, otherwise what's the point?
But perhaps it would help
if you all thought of me more as a monarch
than a politician,
even though, actually, d'youknowwhat, I am the prime minister designate, what with all the 'papers predicting I will win a thousand parliamentary seats. Next time. Or the time after. Or the time after that.
No, it's wholly in the interest of the nation that Douglas Fruitcake fought the by-election, fought and won, I might add, fought and won. And even though he's in parliament and I'm not, I'm obviously in charge. Of him, yes, in charge of him. I mean, if it wasn't for me, he'd have been out on his arse at the next election. Yes, just like all the defectors. Yes, yes, men of great principle, all of them, sacrifice every principle they ever pretended to have, just to stay on the gravy train, thieving and robbing and bullying people.
Mad, what's mad about it? Well, take Douglas, he may say that he's accountable to the voters of wherever it was, Angry-Old-Folks-on-Sea, wasn't it, Poor-Old-Folks-On-Sea, then, woddever, but he's actually responsible to me; y'know, how the LibDems are responsible to my fellow public schoolboy, old Cleggy and the Tories are responsible to my fellow public schoolboy, Cameron and the communists are responsible to that bloke with the funny voice and the bad memory, well, that's the way politics is, I mean, where would we leaders be if elected representatives started putting their constituents first? Instead of their careers?
No, you'll find none of that democracy nonsense in my party, thank you very much; the elected members have to do as I say. And the ordinary members, too, otherwise what's the point? No, no, it's a very vibrant party, with members democratically engaging with each other about which policies I should tell them to adopt. For the time being.
Mad, what's mad about it? Well, take Douglas, he may say that he's accountable to the voters of wherever it was, Angry-Old-Folks-on-Sea, wasn't it, Poor-Old-Folks-On-Sea, then, woddever, but he's actually responsible to me; y'know, how the LibDems are responsible to my fellow public schoolboy, old Cleggy and the Tories are responsible to my fellow public schoolboy, Cameron and the communists are responsible to that bloke with the funny voice and the bad memory, well, that's the way politics is, I mean, where would we leaders be if elected representatives started putting their constituents first? Instead of their careers?
No, you'll find none of that democracy nonsense in my party, thank you very much; the elected members have to do as I say. And the ordinary members, too, otherwise what's the point? No, no, it's a very vibrant party, with members democratically engaging with each other about which policies I should tell them to adopt. For the time being.
What's that? TeeVee debates? Well, let's face it, I am a media creation so it's obvious I should be in the debates; what, the Greens, no, they only have one MP; the Taffies, no, you see the thing is, with the Taffies, is that they don't field candidates all across the country so you see it follows, quite rightly in my view, quite rightly, that they shouldn't be in the debate; no, no, no, them having seats in parliament doesn't matter, doesn't matter at all that people have MPs elected to parliament; the SNP, well, I think you'll find there's not much of an appetite for that sort of thing among decent English people, not that I'm racist or anything, some of my best friends and donors are Jewish bankers, can't say fairer than that.
So let's be honest, let's be fair, let's be straight with the people; one of the first questions I shall be putting, a question too long ignored is, when will we, as a sovereign nation,
restore the right of people to poison themselves in public places, yes, and poison others, too; I mean it is central to our democracy that people can smoke in 'pubs, schools and hospitals.
Just look at this prick, what's he like?
I betcha he minces around his bedroom,
dressed up in women's clothing;
he's half-way there in this shot.
It's just another example of European Health and Safety gone mad, if you ask me. I'm a bit of a historian, me, and I can tell you it's in the Magna Carta, actually, the Right to Poison. What? French nobles? I think you'll find that there were no Frogs involved with that great doument, and certainly no van Rumpies or von Junkers. The Magna Carta is the greatest of all British documents. Whaddayamean, English, whaddayamean there was no Britain in whenever it was, 1066. No? Not 1066? 1215? Alright then, 1215, we were all English in 1215? Apart from the French? Well, proves my point, really.
Hanging? Yes, hanging, too, been pushed into the long grass, hanging, for far too long, I think you'll find that the overwhelming majority of people'd love to see a good public hanging, especially of a paedo, a European one, all the better, and that's what politics should be about, promising to give people what they think they want.
And as for this nig-nog disease, although I am sure, quite sure, actually, that it originated in Brussels, well, there's only really one answer and I am working on it as we drink, I mean smoke, I mean speak.
Yes, even as we speak, Poundland is recruiting millions of plucky yeoman archers, yes, yes, mature gentlemen, backbone of the country,
The Farage Home Guard.
aka The Old Incontinents.
and my plan, which is, by the way, fully costed, is to place one of these doughty fellows, armed with a trusty longbow, fashioned from English yew, strung with an English hempen cord and with a quiver full of goose-feathered arrows, to place one of these patriots on every yard of English coastline and to skewer any diseased Johnny Foreigner who seeks to gain illicit entry, it worked at Agincourt, worked at Crecy. Say no more, no names, no pack drill. Wossat, not enough men in the country? What? 22 million longbowmen? And that's just for one shift? Probably need 66 million? And that's without people going sick? Well, this is just the sort of criticism we've come to expect from the LibLabCon press. Impractical, what's impractical about it? My liegemen - nobleman and sturdy beggar alike - flocking to my banner.....once more onto the beach, dear friends.....cry God for Nigel, England, a coupla swift pints and a packet of Bensons. That's the stuff to give the troops. (Sings)
Poundland, Poundland, uber alles.
What ? Who says the voters won't like it. And to be perfectly frank, once they've voted for me, who gives a fuck what they think they like, this is a political party I'm running here, after all. Yes, just like the rest of them.
26 comments:
I just enjoy the reaction of the Conservatives: how dare these ungrateful stupid ugly little poor people vote for anyone except us?
Dear Mr Smith
No comments on next guv'mint but plenty on trannies? Your own audience has answered your own question - people want tragic human interest stories - yay! Keeps the fuckers out of important stuff.
I am pretty sure every civil servant is a private cunt but to inflict Farage on them may also be a private relief.
I'm mildly excited and having it as a very British Coup - defenestration would be problematic. Farage does call bullshit a lot - guess that's where persuasion rests. However much of a cunt Farage may or may not be - credit where it's due, boy hasn't shifted an inch in 20 years and all of a sudden he's famous?
FREEDOM etc etc
Cheers dude
DtP
Farage is like Ebola.......... a fake.
If Ebola is so contagious how comes they check people AFTER a flight and not BEFORE flying.
Farage is not as contagious as the controlled media would like you to believe.
The moron brain-dead public always need a new clown to vote for or believe in when the old ones no longer work.
Take your pick. ISIS, Ebola, Farage. Roll up! Roll up!
Baron
Farage is like Ebola.......... a fake.
If Ebola is so contagious how comes they check people AFTER a flight and not BEFORE flying.
Farage is not as contagious as the controlled media would like you to believe.
The moron brain-dead public always need a new clown to vote for or believe in when the old ones no longer work.
Take your pick. ISIS, Ebola, Farage. Roll up! Roll up!
Baron
Farage the voice of the people and our bravest hope. May God have mercy on us all. He is, in his way, a fitting man to lead us over the cliff; this blustering, posturing Masonic arsehole because he reflects our emptiness, the nasty grey soul of our country now.
For the moment, Farage is the most influential man in politics. Farage farts and all the Empty Suits are blown like leaves in a gale, in panic and terror over their damned careers, their entitlement to Snobs Dole and post career Blairesque whoring.
The Big Money owning Farage are using him as a black hole, sucking the Top Hatters first ever rightwards, first to jettison all EU social legislation then a jihad against all social welfare and legislation. They probably regard the Victorian law against getting kids to sweep chimneys as an intolerable affront to the liberty of the spiv.
This agenda won`t meet a lot of opposition among the Top Hatters; it already ties in with Pansy Face style warfare against a large part of society. The helpless, wretched Miliband and the other Labour farts will be dragged along; kneepadders all to GlobaDosh.
Often happens, mr dick, with simultaneous posts, the top one gets the comments but even so it was FagAsh Farage I accused of being a tranny and not the more conventional degenerates of Cretan and African vacations. And I don't see an interest in the hypocritical coverage of the Beasting Guardian as being salacious, these behaviours, Ray Cole's, are as much an affront to Decency's progress as is GlobaCorp, as filthy and selfish.
As for future government, well, Farage is a stooge for a vicious renascent right-wing, longed for by those despairing of MediaMinster criminality, yet infinitely worse. No laughing matter.
Yes, that's what I meant, mr yardarm, no laughing matter.
Poundland is brilliant, I have been meaning to say, even better than MediaMinster.
Sorry, BTInternet strikes again.
Cleared them, mrs n.
Yes, I like Poundland, too; shit products, marked as cheap but actually sold in specially-reduced sizes, so no cheaper than anywhere else, the con-job works, however, on the intellectally impoverished and the desperate, Poundland Politics.
There are those here, I know, who hope that good will come from this wicked charade, that truth will emerge from the mouth of mr bungalow bill's Masonic arsehole, mr yardarm's stooging parasite; I would not be their friend or fellow or comrade if I did not urge them to reconsider.
This situation is like the recent referendum, we cannot say Whoops!, made a mistake, there, didn't mean it. Once a fascistic government or so-leaning coalition is installed only bloodshed will remove it.
Barely five minutes after ratting and getting elected, Carswell stood on his hind legs in Parliament and, about recall, asked "Will the Prime Minister now support these amendments in order to honour the promises on which he sought office in 2010?" Self aware? Moi? You cannot make it up.
None of the above bastards, surely, is the only answer.
Then again, an old Lech Walesa interview was on an obscure late night channel a couple of weeks ago - some history of our times, a canter over the bare must-be-true Maggie and Ronnie saved the world facts - and he said that he had not meant for it all to come crashing down like that. Not that he wasn't happy about it. Just that it had more or less happened by an accident of circumstance. This is a good enough reason for voting for Fagash - though not around here where the very paving stones are blue - just in case it lets in enough light to zap a few political vampires.
Serious echo in here.
Sorry, mr mongoose, it ain't me, babe; blogger is almost impossible to use presently; having to write in Word and paste-in. I have deleted that one of yours and others'. I hope.
As to your comment, while I share the sentiment, it is a dangerous course, protesting by voting for the detestable and infinitely worse.
I didn't see mr doug fruitcake's - presumably re-maiden - remarks, I will look out for them. As you imply, he is clearly raving mad and good, in these dark days, for a hollow laugh. As I said, he always looks as though he's just woken-up from a No-Trousers-On-In-The-Street nightmare.
Fag-ash Nigel. Ha Ha Ha! You couldn't make him up, you truly couldn't. Giving a fuck about the EU is a minority sport - the immigration issue drives support for the Kippers. Also the EU is like the Hotel California - 'you can check out but you can never leave', But I'm not worried about the Kippers. I think it will be Mr Milliband in the driver's seat, foot hard down on the accelerator, as we approach the edge of the cliff. He, Mr Balls and the rest of the Labour gang are the clear and present danger. The election is theirs to lose and they will need to try hard.
When Big Money decides there is a better tool to implement their wishes then Farage will be cast aside: all of a sudden every misdemeanour, every humiliation he`s made since pissing his pants on the first day of school will be the big issue for Media Minster.
I don`t buy Boris Cock`s clown act; he exudes sulphur in a manner which dwarfs the Empty Suits and Pansy Faces that are his competition.
Miliband, ChumbaWumba and the Ballses are not as malevolent as a coalition of backwoodsmen Tory rednecks and thick as pigshit, sticky-fingered Poundlanders, mr sg, rather Labour than that. NOTA or Labour, I fear that's all the choice we have.
Boris, too, is a media confection; he is so toxic, so blackmailable, so spectacularly rotten that they could destroy him in a weekend, mr yardarm, but will they, his main employers, after all, the Filth-o-Graph, are all part of the same cartel. If, as seems likely, the Barclays finally make a complete fuck of the paper, who knows what might happen to BoJo, another paper might hire him but cannot if he is a minister or prime minister, not officially, anyway, but then Jeremy Hunt works for Murdoch, as does Michael Spit. And Cameron, of course, mustn't forget him. All very disheartening, MediaMinster.
MrI
"NOTA or Labour, I fear that's all the choice we have."
Just remove the present Labour ruiners, same shitfest different day and you're left with...
http://www.no-ta.org.uk/
Sorry Mr I but I feel their track record suggests otherwise. I'll look out for the NOTA people though.
It was me, coined Gordon the Ruiner, mr inmate, with his shredded nails and his clunking fist of doom, launching a one-man blitzkrieg on him which was posted and reposted everywhere; no need to tell me of NewLabour's wickedness.
I voted SNP in order to boot out Rotten Jack McConnell and JockLabour. The current Tory coalition, however, is far worse than Labour and an all-too-likely Tory-Fruitcake coalition doesn't bear thinking about, the fuckers'd be flogging darkies through the streets, bringing back the workhouse, rickets and diptheria; it mustn't happen and if that means voting Labour then it means voting Labour. And then kicking their arses.
I looked at the no-ta site, mr inmate and I agree with nearly every word of it but they won't keep Poundland out of parliament, will they?
Unfortunately Mr I they won't. As you and the commentors here have said, often, during times of 'austerity' we tend to look for a scapegoat for all our ills, rather than look to the fucks that caused it.
The Kippers, it appears, are the acceptable face of Nationalism.
It ia unfortunate that politicians are so slack but that's where we are. If Fagash had more sense he would select himself a tighter - and less offensive - collection of objectives. Objective A of an EU referendum is a perfectly valid and sensible idea. He would wise not to shackle himself to the dark side. Pity the poor immigrant, eh.
I am reminded of the day I was stood fecklessly in the pub and a git tried to enlist me to that anti-immigrant, all-in-this-together-except-them cause. "You are talking to the wrong guy, mate. I am an immigrant." As are we all really.
It is all too easy, mr mongoose, to lose sight of that. I have been growing irritated by the numbers and sights and sounds of what seems to be a small flood, here, of Sarf East trailer trash persons. And the other night, in Tesco, I wanted to kill a Central European type, jeering and boasting into his portable telephone in some dreadful language. I really did. Want to kill him. And me, as you know, I'm liberal but to a degree; so, yes, a plebiscite on membership of a federal Europe is entirely in order; that, of course, is not what FagAsh Lil is about, using its attraction as a peg to hang Hatred's hat upon.
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