RAF Tornado jets
today were not poised to fly over China in a show of solidarity with protesters in Hong Kong.
Lord Chris Fatso Of BBC Corruption, is not poised to enter the fray on behalf of his former subjects,
I say, do I get any money for doing this?
nor are members of COBRA
Quick, follow me, I know how to panic.
urgently carrying their folders into Downing Street; laughable Defence Seckatry,
Micky Spiv Fallon, is not blowharding his stupid arse off to anyone mad enough to listen and as many as no Brigadiers General Rupert Golightly Jockstrap have urged extremely professional and highly-trained boots-on-Chinky- ground.
Help For Heroes, however, has pronounced itself disappointed with this lack of aggression towards Beijing, saying, we in the heroes business are committed to the maintainance of a continuing supply of limbless footballers, basketballers and North Pole crawlers and the govament, frankly, in ignoring the huge business potential of a war with China, however brief, is letting-down current and potential amputees, plastic surgery patients, blind bastards and even common or garden headbangers, all of whom rely on HM govament for their hero status, even if they aren't. Which nearly all of them aren't. Obviously.
Joining-up isn't heroism, getting injured isn't heroism; doing something heroic is heroism, and it is something highly unusual, that's why it's called heroism, if everybody did it it wouldn't mean anything, so, saying that what everybody does is heroism, is actually shitting on heroism proper. Help for Injured Soldiers, that would be the right title. But it would still be wrong because the government
which sent them should help them. Not me. I never wanted them to go in the first place.
What they should do, the Ministry of little but nasty Wars is every other Cruise missile, just don't fire it, won't make any fucking difference to anything, apart from not killing innocent people and making us even more enemies; every other Cruise missile that the Ruperts want to fire, just don't fire it and instead, give the half a million quid it costs to H4H; just don't fire a hundred, fire fifty and send 25 million pounds to the North Pole Nutters, on the condition that they stay at home. And away from Harry Windsor, hero first class by association and complete arsehole, even by princely standards.
on any TeeVee channel which will have them and as many as no programmes have expressed an interest in hosting the concert. And Imelda Blair has,
for only a small fee, promised to extend her expertise in drumming-up war, as a very profound and meaningful adjunct to civil liberties and human rights, her husband's, anyway.
Blessed are the warmakers.
For they shall have their mouths stuffed with gold.
China, are they muslems? If they are we must take them out immediately; it is the next Crusade.
MediaMinster, ever agog at the prospect of war and stories, as we set small countries ablaze, is strangely silent, too, perhaps this unaccustomed temerity is in some way connected to China having two-and-a-half-million men under arms,
with two-and-a-half million in their Territorial Army; having ten thousand tanks,
three thousand aircraft and
five hundred warships.
China, depending on who you believe, has between two hundred-and-fifty and three thousand nukes of the inter-continental variety. We have our own aircraft carrier capability, the one without aircraft.
President Autocue will also be on tenterhooks, there are already tensions between Uncle Sam
over the South China Sea and the Pentagon is worried about the defensibility of its gazillion-dollar carrier fleet, no longer the four-acre fortresses they thought they were, vulnerable, it seems to Chinese smart missile attack.
NATO, not even NATO can pretend that a Chinese colony is part of NATO, as were so many other unlikely places. Maybe that joker, Gob Rassmussensen, head of NATO, could sort-of backdate Hong Kong's membership of NATO, as he did with the undemocratic gangster republic of Ukraine but if he did the chances are that Brussels - and him - would be toast in minutes.
All of the West's Ruperts, then, accustomed to fighting tribesmen riding around in circles in rusty Toyota Landcruisers and firing popguns in the air, they won't like this, will be hoping that this Chinese-Hong Kong difficulty just fizzles-out. Freedom and Democracy are all very well, old chap, but hardly worth losing one's career over, much less one's life.Those Chinks, there's fucking millions of them, litlle yellow bastards, billions, maybe and they're all tooled-up to fuck, fucking Mig fighters, tanks, guns, hundreds of fucking aircraft carriers, nukes, bug-bombs, death-rays and fuck knows what else. You see that cunt Cameron and you tell him to stick his No-Fly Zone up his arse.
I mean, Look, bullying some nig-nogs is jolly good sport but fighting an actual war, against a proper army, fuck that for a game of soldiers.