That square head, ferocious expression, arrogant tilt of the head... Baby Grumpling hasn't changed a bit.
Speaking on the BBC’s Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg, Jeremy Vine predicted that Andrew Windsor will be in an American jail five years from now. He said: “I wonder whether the Americans will now think, OK, we can go for him. I think they’ll start some extradition proceedings on him – because now he has no protection....
That must be a signal to the FBI and others that they can now look into him properly.”
Delightful prospect though that well may be, especially as it appears that we are to be denied the full Degradation Ceremony of his Knight of the Garter stuff being thrown out of St George's Chapel by his fellow knights, I wonder if jail isn't a little over the top?
Yes, I know that from those to whom much has been given, much is required, and Andrew really let the side down, consistently, his entire life, but what crimes has he committed? Being a good friend of a paedophile isn't in itself, a crime, as his big brother would attest; even though it is pretty offensive, it isn't an offence to be nonce-adjacent.
Having consensual sex with a 17 year old prostitute in London isn't an offence, although some would argue it should be.
I'm reading Nobody's Child at present, Virginia Guiffre's autobiography, published after her suicide. It is a tough read. Virginia alleges that she was sexually abused by her father from the age of five or six, and that her father also lent her to his friend Forrest to be abused. Forrest was convicted of sexually abusing his own daughter and served a prison sentence. Virginia's father denies that he sexually abused her. Her mother was violent towards her, accusing Virginia of trying to steal her husband. Incarceration in a juvenile "therapeutic" centre led to running away, further abuse, involvement with alcohol and drugs. In 1997, at the age of 13, Virginia was living on the streets of Miami Beach when she was approached by Ron Eppinger, then in his sixties, and promised food, shelter, and modelling work. Instead, Virginia was imprisoned in Eppinger’s Miami apartment together with other trafficked girls, many from Eastern Europe. She was systematically drugged, abused, and trained to work as an escort for wealthy clients. In early 1998, after an FBI raid at another pimp’s home, Virginia was rescued. She cooperated with the FBI, providing the testimony that secured Eppinger’s conviction. He died in prison two years later.
These experiences prepared her as a suitable candidate when Ghislaine Maxwell spotted her for Epstein's luxurious stable of trafficked girls.
Epstein died in prison - supposedly of suicide, allegedly murdered to protect the reputations of the rich and powerful men to whom he pimped teenage prostitutes. Maxwell is in prison.
But Andrew? Baby Grumpling? Randy Andy? Falklands War-Hero? The Special Representative for International Trade and Investment - with a brief to travel the world, meet wealthy men and ask them for money?
I was on court duty in Birmingham Crown Court one day last century, when a middle-aged Trainspotter was sentenced, having been caught cock in arse, as it were, with a 12 year old boy, by the Transport Police. In the old paedophile's defence, much was made of the fact that the lad was an experienced prostitute, who frequented the railway station for business and was well known for soliciting. The Court was told that the boy's spontaneous anal dilation was evidential of much use. The Judge, God bless him, was having none of this. "It may well be," he said in his dry lawyerly intonation, "that the child solicited the defendant's behaviour, and that he had done so on numerous previous occasions. However, it is the duty of the adult to protect the child from himself and not exploit his vulnerability."
The boy was 12. Virginia was 17.
If he does go to jail, as Vine predicts, it can only be that the opening of the sealed Epstein papers reveal that Andrew committed criminal offences that have not yet come to light.
So far, he does not appear to have committed an offence. I didn't say he wasn't offensive - he is. Morally very dubious - which kind of tars Sarah Ferguson with the same brush, as she has "stood by him", or, more like, ridden on his expensively-tailored coat-tails; but criminal?
King Charles is desperately rowing-back from association with his arrogant, entitled, poverty-stricken (it is relative), sexually incontinent, oaf of a brother. Maybe it will be enough to save the Monarchy. But Charles, who has done a lot in his time to jeopardise the throne (remember the Tampax phone call? Committing adultery with the wife of a brother officer? Appointing the paedophile Saville to be his first wife's marriage guidance counsellor? ), clearly thinks that Andrew is an existential threat to the Ruritanean privilege and high living he and his family have enjoyed for centuries. Millenia, even. Taking the titles and Royal Lodge away may be too late to repair the damage. I certainly hope so. But, mrs ishmael, goes the cry, without a monarchy, we'll have President Blair. Why so? I cheerily rejoinder. Why, in a democracy, do we require an unelected Head of State? We have a Prime Minister and an Upper and Lower House. We can vote the Government in or out every 5 years. That's enough.
It's not as if any of this Andrew shit is new news. mr ishmael wrote the following essay in 2011 - that's 14 years ago. We can hardly say that the Royal Family has been in a tearing hurry to salvage its reputation and dump Andrew in the trash compactor.
"In a Buckingham Palace crackdown on expenditure on petrol, His Most Serene Highness Prince Andrew has been told he must now walk everywhere, the greedy, idle bastard.
The way things are going in the Middle East, with the Muzzies, said Queen Brenda, the price of petrol could soon reach ten shillings a gallon, the least one can do is insist that one's second son walks to these under-age sex engagements which he regularly performs on behalf of the whole nation.
Queen Brenda at work.
Commenting on the Duke of Cock's association with a jailed nonce, the foreign seckatry, Mr William Fag said, Oh, it hardly matters, most people are gay these days, although I, obviously, am not; one need only look at my voting record on gay issues to realise that. But I am sure that Prince Andrew is doing an excellent job on behalf of the country. Just like me. As I have so, ah, clearly, ah, demonstrated abroad, in the, ah, matter of the, ah, small and perfectly understandable confusion surrounding the role of the, ah, splendid gentlemen from the SAS, which is not my fault, even though it, ah, is.
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| By the left, quick march |
Queen Brenda at work.
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| Fuck Me, One's Govament is a bunch of shit-eating nutters |
The Make Andy Walk campaign was started after Coalition of Doom ministers decided that this week's wheeze would be them telling us how we must be "weaned off" oil, and be damn quick about it. We must be weaned off oil just as we must be weaned off the idea that taxation is to pay for public services when, as everyone knows, it should be given to the rich. Another example of snooty idiocy, the idea is that we are all at fault for buying cars and heating our homes, naughty consumers. The deranged transport seckatry, Mr Philip Handjob, below,
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| Transport seckatry, Mr Phil Handjob, MP, working on his strategy |
insists that by Wednesday, or 2035 at the latest, there will be a three-pin plug socket located every hundred yards along the motorway, enabling electric car drivers to charge-up their crappy vehicles every few minutes. Other measures would include people filling their central heating oil tanks with broken, energy-saving light bulbs and everyone wearing a tiny windmill-hat on their heads as they go about their daily business of being poor and unemployed and in many cases homeless. They wouldn't actually generate any electricity but they would be a signal of our commitment to a green, sustainable, Tory future. It's not a panacea, said Handjob, jerkily, there is no panacea. But if I want to remain a wanker, I mean a minister, I have to be seen to be doing something. Apart from tossing myself off, that is. Even if it's bollocks. Which it is. I wanted to put up the speed limit. And now they want me to ban petrol cars altogether. Anyway, he continued, spasming and wild-eyed, the three pounds fifty that we had ringfenced for care of the elderly must now be diverted to the boardrooms of the oil industry in order to help them in their time of stratospheric profits.
Roaring, bent double at his own wit, good friend of the Duke of Cock, Mr Billy Connolly, a comedic entertainer, too large in the national mind - rather like the horrifyingly dull Mr John Cleese - to fail, said the whole oil thing was eggstroooooaaaardanry - his only adjective - and he would be happy to travel the world of oil at someone else's expense, on his cissy motortrike, sharing his witty, scatological insights with stupid audiences, patronising indigenous peoples, plunking inexpertly on his banjo and avoiding the company of his monsterwife, Mrs Pamela Gobenson-Connolly.
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| Friends of the Royal Family, the Connolly-Gobs |
Och, I used to dine wi' Prince Andy, or His Highness, as I was allowed tae call him, many's a night me and the Mrs and him and Her Royal Highness, Porky, would while awa' the hours, them being stupid an' me being outrageously funny over the canapes. Y'ken, just because I was a welders' tea-boy disnae mean I cannae hobnob wi' all they slags in the royal family. And isn't it time they gi' me the knighthood which, as a truly iconoclastic, rebellious social commentator, I so richly deserve, But no, honestly, if people cannae afford tae heat their homes or put petrol in their cars they should just all stop whining, develop some wee jokes about turds and move to California, like me. Did I mention that I was abused as a wee lad?
Hello, I'm Michael Parkinson and I've earned a fortune brown-nosing almost every tuppence-halfpenny celebrity you could think of and I have some marvellous memories. Oh yes, His Highness, the Duke of York, he was never actually on one of my memorable TeeVee shows but we have met socially, as one does, in my trade - sucked more cock than a Westminster Special Adviser, me - and I must say that he is a truly wonderful human being, gifted and sensitive, and would have had a great career in Hollywood, had he so chosen.
The office of Lord Snooty, the unelected prime minister, has insisted that Prince Andrew, idle buffoon, layabout and friend of child molesters, must continue to represent the govament abroad. Seems about right."
The office of Lord Snooty, the unelected prime minister, has insisted that Prince Andrew, idle buffoon, layabout and friend of child molesters, must continue to represent the govament abroad. Seems about right."
.......................................................
THAT'S ANOTHER INCREDIBLY OLD BUGGER NATIONAL TREASURE DIES
In later years, after she got dementia, her Great Shakespearian Actor hubby kindly extended her career by taking to the water with her.
..................................................................
It's been another rainy old week in Orkney, the public sector retiree’s idea
of Paradise-On-Sea.
I was invited out to a mixed sex social event one evening. It doesn't happen often, on account of being a Widow. And Married Women generally do not allow their husbands, however unappetising, to be anywhere near a widow. A white-haired couple were seated on the sofa. As I came into the room the wifey immediately clasped her husband’s thigh firmly – I smell Widow, was clearly prominent in her thoughts as she held her skinny, balding, hatchet-faced husband down, so that he didn’t leap on me. The other Married Woman guest took care at all times to
position herself between me and her cherubic little old hubby. Each couple had brought
a bottle of cheap red supermarket wine with them as a hostess gift. Our hosts do not drink alcohol. Their wine was
withheld from them until dinner was served, when each couple was presented with their bottle, still capped. Scotland has a zero drink drive policy. 50 milligrams to 100 millilitres of blood. The Government website says piously: "You cannot safely drink any alcohol when driving". So one member of each couple then proceeded to drink up the whole
bottle, while laughing raucously, red-faced and extolling their cleverness in
moving to Orkney. Dear Gods and Little Tiddlers. ..
Curses not loud but deep.
Such things I have done – I know not what, such
dinner tables I have graced…. At times one wishes one had the resources of
Elagabalus, that Roman Emperor who suffocated all his dinner guests in a flood
of rose petals. On purpose. So immortalised by Alma-Tadema, but probably malign propaganda
by succeeding murderous emperors.
If mr ishmael's 2011 essay has whetted your appetite for more, there are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:
Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.
10 comments:
FIVE lots of "great Canal Journeys"? Good grief. Thank God for that C, at least.
Wasn't there some speculation as to who fathered the former Prince?
yes, indeed, mr mike - Henry George Reginald Molyneux Herbert, 7th Earl of Carnarvon, KCVO, KBE, DL (19 January 1924 – 11 September 2001), was a British peer and racing manager to Queen Elizabeth II from 1969 until his death. From his birth until September 1987, he was known by the courtesy title Lord Porchester, or Porchy by the late Queen. In this version of history, Andrew was her revenge baby, Philip having been an utter bastard, shagging around until the Government of the day sent him abroad on a lengthy mission. In the other version, Andrew was the reconciliation baby. It doesn't matter either way, because he was the son of the reigning monarch and acknowledged by Philip.
He certainly seems to have inherited Philip's less desirable personality traits. Philip formed his attachment to the Queen when she was a very young teenage girl, and once she was secured, liberally sowed his wild oats, having a house on the Sandringham estate designated as his "shag pad". It is suggested that Andrew might move into said shag pad.
Thank you, mr verge, House Filthster.
Totally off-topic, but I know mrs ishmael has an interest in the subject matter.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00302228251323299
The canaduh government is producing studies related to the COST BENEFITS of medically assisted death for various populations. As you would expect elder citizens feature as a great resource for such. I would argue that covid vaccinations were the first phase of this abominable idea.
About 45 years ago Mrs Ishmael i was helping a builder construct a conservatory on fairly remote northhamptonshire farm, being a nosey git i wandered about and i saw a large room on the end of the farmhouse it had a stage and look like a dancehall, there was a painter working there and he told me the farmhouse was a shagging palace for Edward the 7th, and he also had one in every county, so theyve never been any different
Thank you, mr henry - time we were rid of them, the whole overprivileged class of parasites. Surely work could be found for them? Not skilled work, obviously, but litter-picking, beach clearance, graffiti removal - the sort of work that offenders on Community Service Orders do.
That is a deeply interesting article, mr cascadian, thank you for bringing it to attention. It points out that MAID is already the fifth leading cause of death in Canada and that there are a range of studies exploring the cost benefits of expanding MAID to include vulnerable groups, including the mentally ill, failed suicide attempts, homeless and drug dependant people, indigenous Canadians and the elderly. The article, whilst listing the financial benefits to be gained, forcefully makes the argument that, whilst it is attractive in terms of eliminating expensive unhappy people from the population so that resources can be focused on the productive section, this is deeply unethical: "the fundamental question remains: is it ethical to prioritize cost-saving measures over the sanctity and dignity of human life? Vulnerable populations may be at a higher risk of feeling coerced into choosing MAiD due to financial burdens, social pressure, or a lack of adequate care. Ultimately, the social and ethical costs of expanding MAiD to vulnerable groups may far outweigh the financial benefits, as it risks eroding the value society places on life and further entrenching systemic inequalities."
Sounds like Canada is a basket case, mr cascadian and maybe Trump has a point in his suggestion that the U.S. could help them out. By the way, what did you think of Ontario's attempt to poke the bear with the anti-tariff advert?
Mr cascadian and Mrs I: I've long believed that there was a dark side to assisted dying. This is now legal in my state (NSW) in Australia (and other states as well).
In Sydney, where I live, housing is now for all practical purposes financially out of reach of the under 30's generations. (There are many factors explaining the spectacular valuations of this particular asset bubble, I won't go into).
For younger generations, the only chance of getting on the housing ladder is inheritance from parents who were able to buy when prices were more affordable. Fortunately, there is no inheritance tax in Australia. I Can see an insidious pressure on older parents, maybe with dementia or other illnesses, to decide or be persuaded, that instead of delaying the inevitable, why not give the offspring a chance, maybe allow them to start a family, and opt for assisted dying.
BTW, selling the family home and going into an assisted care home is hardly an option. There is realistically no public places and private care homes require a "bond" of minimum AUD$1M and are then a rip off rapidly eroding any capital.
And it is a hot topic in Britain, mr mike. The Australian malaise is also the British malaise, as people count their wealth in terms of house ownership - not like Paris, where. I am told, they prefer to rent and spend their wealth on clothes, little dogs and baguettes. As the burgeoning old age demographic steadily refuses to die, you can see their offspring having decidedly unfilial thoughts about snaffling their inheritance early.
The costs of running a care home in Scotland are astronomic. Having been a manager in the sector for more years than was fair to me, I can tell you that building costs and staff wages are just the starting point. Training and registration of staff with the Scottish Social Services Council would amaze you, and you can't employ them without registration, which they can only achieve by gaining fairly high level vocational qualifications, which requires an infrastructure of assessors and verifiers. Then there aren't enough people in Scotland to staff the care homes, so a lot of money is required to bribe workers away from contracted employment in Glasgow, say, to become agency workers in Orkney, which seems to have exported its young people to the universities of the south. The agency requires its cut, the worker is paid travel expenses to get from Glasgow to Orkney, then more travel expenses for home leave, and the employer also has to provide accommodation, which is eye-wateringly expensive. All these costs are passed on to the care home resident, until all their money is gone, at which point the State i.e. me, the taxpayer, will step in to pay the fees. God knows how anyone can make a profit out of running a care home in the private sector - oh, yes, I do know - savings on food, staffing ratios, cleaning and replacement of soiled mattresses, dining chairs, etc.
Best to stay in your own home until they carry you out.
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