The Sunday Ishmael: 26/01/2025

 

Anyway, I spent 3 hours on Monday watching the inauguration. The Merkins aren't nearly as good at ceremony as us, but then, we've had thousands of years practise, and they did their best, for colonials. They rigged up some impressive blue curtaining, which swished open to the accompaniment of jolly circus music with the arrival of each new dignitary, or, as we like to call them, thieves, pimps and gangstas, whilst a sonorous Ring Master’s voice announced the Honourable this, that and the other. 'Twas all very Big Top, and all that patriotism was not subtle, but at least Trump wasn’t required to take his clothes off and kneel down in his shirt in front of the disgraced Archbishop Welby, unlike poor old sausage-fingers King Charles. 

Shame they didn’t book a gospel choir. 

But the parade of the ex Presidents made up for it. They are not looking good – especially Clinton, who looked as if he hasn't really recovered from the glistening cascading anus worms,

although he and dementia-friendly Biden, who had obviously asked his chum, what are you wearing? OK, I'll wear that too, were photographed enjoying the btm of Carrie Underwood, an American singer. 

And the gossip about Obama’s lonely attendance was that he and his missus are splitting up.

Maybe he's decided that he likes girls after all. 

 

In contrast, Mrs Trump looked absolutely lovely, dignified, graceful and stylish, as ever. The weird thing is that her stepdaughter, Ivanka, looks very like her. How did that happen?

My Democrat relative (I know, don't judge), tells me that when she was a teenager, Donald Trump ordered Ivanka to have plastic surgery. I am sooo jealous. I just got driving lessons.

But didn't the old chap do well? On his feet all day, speechifying, signing all those Executive Orders, then dancing all night. He must be on some very good drugs. And, like me, he’s a TERF. Believes the human race just has two sexes. I don't mind if you want to dress up like a woman, Michelle, but you don't fool me. Who'd have thought? This hasn't gone down too well with lots of people, including Robert Peston,  

who took a deep breath and said, well, that's a difficult opinion. Not an opinion, Bob, it's law.

I refer you to the founder of Call Me Ishmael, who can tell us what to think now that America has led the way:

Donald Trump more or less epitomises the (white) American spirit;  now Trump is the bete noir of luvvies everywhere and what Trumpophobia illustrates is the threadbare, translucent illusion  of our own democracy. 

In striking similarity to their behaviour after our  recent plebiscite, the  liberal fascists now shriek that voting is all very well, a sacred right and duty, of course it is, but only as long as people vote as they are instructed by their betters; the Guardian seeks a new, national rotten borough, in which Organised Crime, celebrities, MediaMinster and  pitiable, howling mutant Transexuals set and maintain the national agenda, and in which the Worthless Normal do as they are told;  a sunny privileged upland, where the smug, braying children of smug, braying parents - who luv'em2bits, me, mykidz -  can, equipped with a degree in illiteracy, innumeracy and physical incompetence,  gap-year around Europe without let or hindrance,  as though they were re-embodied 18th Century gentlemen, instead of pampered, useless fuckwits, GrandTouring, horrid little fucking bastards; national service is what they need, dry stone-walling, caring for the elderly and never mind non-judgemental  gender options. Cunts is what  they are, the New People and their brats, and Donald Trump lights a fire up their arses, how very dare he say these things, and how very dare tens of millions of Americans listen to him and find him Good ? This is not why we discriminate so very studiously and ethically between our coffee beans, making informed consumer choices which leave as small a footprint as possible,  this is not why we bare our arses in a frank and open - as long as people don't swear or question our integrity - frank and open and very serious dialogue on Twitter, so's Americans can vote for who they feel represents them.  I mean, what would the world be like, if people just voted for whom- or what-soever they chose?  That's simply not what democracy's about, not in my book. 

Four million people voted for Farage, last year, and the liberal fascists, instead of hearing a voice other than their own,  mocked the fact that the Kippers managed only one seat in parliament,  this mockery occurring despite the fact that the screechers had, during the last Coalition government,  demanded proportional representation; must've meant   proportional representation for metrosexual, dog-shooting, gender-spectruming  liberals, but FPTP for those dwelling in Northern.

Meantime, we call Donald Trump names. Sure, he is a completely loathsome human being but he has never, unlike our own politicians, sat at the United Nations, lying his ugly face off, promoting a holocaustal, profiteering war, entirely on manufactured grounds, largely invented by a worthless, drunken pornographer.

Spot the dangerous maniac. Whoops, they're both dangerous maniacs.

Donald Trump has never, to the best of my knowledge, anyway, colluded in decades of child-raping by his constituents, just as long as they voted for his party.

He has never served time for stealing from the taxpayer, whilst covering-up that same widespread child abuse.

 Denis MacShane: "I was too much of a 'liberal leftie' and should have done more to investigate child abuse". Former Rotherham MP admits he could have done more to "burrow into" the problem in his constituency, but insists, as do they all, that he never done nothing wrong.

 Donald Trump, as far as I know, has never used a government position to tout for illegal business. 

Yes, I can, quite improperly, and yes, probably illegally,  interfere in the workings of foreign countries, in order to get you what you want. Yes, only five grand a half-day. 

 

A blowjob, yes, I can do that, too. 
Here, in parliament. Yes, of course.
 Would you like me to keep the braces on?  Yes, I am minded, myself, to say they are rather fetching.

Donald Trump has never, to my knowledge, repeatedly lied to his legislature, to the police or to the Courts of his nation, nor shifted blame  to his wife for an offence which he committed.

But this cunt has.

Donald Trump has never falsely claimed taxpayer-funded expenses.

But these cunts have.

Donald Trump has never, to my knowledge,  accepted huge bribes from dictators and tyrants.

  

 But these cunts have.

Donald Trump has never, to my knowledge, waged massive and wholly illegal wars of aggression and plunder on the civilians of  other nation states.

 

 Like Iraq.

Or Libya.

But these cunts have.

Donald Trump, to the best of my knowledge, has never practised military-strength, murderous racism against his fellow citizens.

Nor maintained, offshore, throughout eight dark, cruel years, an obscene torture facility which he had promised to close.

Yes, you can't.

But this cunt did. 

I don't know, therefore, what is so bad about Donald Trump.  Sure he's a bully, an uncouth lout,  a rabble rouser, possibly, like everyone in MediaMinster who voted for Iraq, a rotten racist;  his behaviour in Scotland, under the auspices of Alec Fatman, 

Aye, I give him your land and he gives me my money.

was and continues to be despicable, reprehensible, and cowardly;  the man is  a horrible fucking bastard, his wives are baggages and  his children look and sound like mutants.

But as for him dividing America, that's already been accomplished; as for him impoverishing America, that's already been accomplished,  too; as for him making America despised, worldwide, that's already been accomplished and as for him starting World War Three, well that was started years ago by these rotten fucking bastards. 

For services rendered to the shareholders in GlobaDeath. I mean, to the Merkin people.

 

If Donald Trump prays to Satan five times daily, drinks sacrificed infants' blood and appoints a team to identify very, very  bad things for him to do, at home and abroad, he wouldn't cause a fraction of the damage wrought by his recent criminal predecessors on both sides of the Atlantic.  

..........................................................................

Returning to the present from our foray into mr ishmael's amazingly prescient vision of our current global situation, Rachel Wood has been doing the rounds of the politics programmes.

Back from Davos, where she and her boss, Keir Wood,

failed to impress because everyone else, apart from the Dwarf Zelesky, had gone to the Inauguration; the first woman Chancellor of Britain's Exchequer has been telling everyone that she is going to grow the economy, because of the Black Hole.

Laura Nose: "But what are you actually going to do, Chancellor?"

Rachel Wood: "I'm going to grow the economy."

Laura Nose: " But you are not, are you? The increase in National Insurance and the Inheritance Tax on farmers is crashing the economy, putting up the price of food, causing the supermarkets to sack their workers and clogging up London with protesting tractors."

Rachel Wood: "Yes, I'm growing the economy. It's early days yet, I've inherited a Black Hole and I'm the first female Chancellor of the Exchequer, did I mention it?"

Laura Nose: "Fuck off and Die, Chancellor. You are giving women a bad name."

Do you think she knows what she's doing?

No, me neither.

Being tired all the time, I thought I must have an under-achieving thyroid, so I bought some stimulating supplement from t'internet, but the Doctor said no, no, no, your bloods is fine. So I guess it's just a hangover. 

Storm Eowyn - it never rains but it pours.

Don't forget your copy of one of the four splendid anthologies of the writings of mr ishmael and stanislav, the young Polish Plumber. Or buy the set as a luxurious indulgence for yourself or as a gift for a broad-minded friend. The anthologies have been compiled and produced by editor mr verge, the house filthster, in answer to the appalled and bereft reaction of ishmaelites to the passing of mr ishmael in January 2020.  

You can buy the Quartet from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:

Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps 

please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.

Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr

Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux

https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.