Monday 21 September 2015

DOWN ON THE FARM

 
  •  
  • I   did not have sexual relations with that woman, I mean pig
  •  and lessbeclear  about this:
  • Tory politicians would never stoop to putting their right honourable members in pigs, not while there are children's homes full of filthy little sluts just gagging for it.
  • Mrs Thatcher would never have stood for that and nor shall I.
  •  
  • And while we're here, I never smoked cannabis at Oxford with James Delingpole, how could I, I am the prime minister.
  •  
  • And fucking a pig, anyway, is better than fucking a dog, like Mr Corbyn did.
  • At least the pig was white-ish, if there had have been a pig, which clearly there wasn't.
  • That's  enough pig stories.
  •  
  • Damaged my reputation?
  • No, I shouldn't think so.  I trust the British people implicitly not to raise their eyebrows should Mr Lord Ashcroft fall in front of one of Mayor Boris's omnibuses.

28 comments:

Dick the Prick said...

I wazzed on a Christmas Tree convinnced it was a forest. I bought D'ancona's book but ancient gossip. Hope it's nice to be home. Got to tank me kitchen - ain't moving and like that economics stuff

call me ishmael said...

I am not home, been home, but am back again; tanking takes time. And there's no room for pigs, dead or alive.

Mike said...

Gives "ham face" a whole new meaning.

mongoose said...

Amusing as it is, it does indeed seem to be out of the reported LBJ hymnbook - unsupported by evidence but worth it just to hear the bastard have to deny it. Also strange timing - five minutes after an election. Another promise of a job has lapsed perhaps. Is there drift in the Cameron stepping down pledge? How close is the Chancellor to Ashcroft and how free is Osborne from the stain of the Clegg Years?

The halfwit seems to be trying to agree to buy nuclear power for 60 years at 200% of the market rate. He's almost as good as McDoom was. There seems to be, to me at least, a drive to make all energy more expensive for everyone. That's a sure sign of the current players in a market thinking they have the creature by the balls. Or are they cashing in now because the middle east oil game is about to be over? Or uncontrollable anyway. And climate "deniers" to be treated as organised crime racketeers? The very idea floated means that someone is rattled.

Ho hum. And look what Brother Stavros did.

Doug Shoulders said...

I assume this would be during one of their bullington bully boy excursions where they would turn up an trash the place acting like cunts. Daddy paying the damages when the bill came in. Entitled bastards

lilith said...

Ironically, it's such obvious tripe; Piers Gaveston Soc. would never have admitted a braying square like Cameron to one of their knees ups!

call me ishmael said...

It's true enough for me, mr mongoose, on the same evidential basis that Naked Toby Young says he knows someone who knows someone who says it isn't, so there. And Bukkake Boy is looking increasingly deranged, isn't he, coke-crazed, economically incoherent and now channeling Richard Nixon, with the Chinks'

We must welcome the pig allegations for they are as true as HamFace's own promises and no matter how brusquely dismissed by MediaMinster, many will want to believe in them, in the way that Gordon Snot's nappy and his frantic masturbation were articles of useful faith for those of us then interested in such matters.

call me ishmael said...

Well, mr mike, dunno about yours but in my circle we tend to judge a chap by the kind of dead animal into which he inserts his John Thomas and pigs're simply non-u.

The thought of a chap, standing there with his trousers down, in front of other chaps, rogering a pig's head, well, it's simply not done, even if the pig was alive it would be stretching the boundaries of good form. I mean, we have all had youthful high-jinks, sewn our wild oats, but fuck me gently, this porcine necro-bestal onanism is a bit strong, what?

You're a decent chap, went up to Cambridge and so on, but I bet you're not the sort to solicit a public blow-job from a dead porker. I wouldn't know about such matters but I bet that if you went on the internet and typed "prime minister puts cock in dead pig's mouth" there wouldn't be too many results. Apart from David Cameron.

call me ishmael said...

David Dimbleby was a BB, mr doug, but his Dad was a cunt, too.

call me ishmael said...

There is said to be a photograph, ms Lilith. One could reasonably argue that
nobody in their right mind would pose like that but then who in their right mind would pose for that Bullingdon Club photo?

SG said...

Pity the pig was dead - somehow the idea of it biting on a sausage seems like justice...

SG said...

BTW maybe 'Ham Face' ain't such an arsehole after all, since he cleaned M'Noble Lord for a cool £7million, then told him to fuck the fuck off when said 'Lord' asked him for a Ministry. Such an outrage would never have occurred under the Vicar of St Albion's administration under which all important 'stakeholder' interests were represented and rewarded inside the 'big tent'... However we are, of course, dealing with relative rather than absolute notions of morality here...

yardarm said...

Knowing the micro brain Ham Face is only interested in his own image it`s great fun imagining the snotty ponce squirming. A lot of this, that he is a lazy, thick, druggy parasite we knew and frequently mentioned. But it is good to see his former employer, Ashcroft regurgitate it so we may laugh anew at this snobby prick, this class warrior and his network of human rubbish.

call me ishmael said...

Aye, it is a rare treat, one which will be diluted and diverted and then confiscated from us; we must try to keep it alive: Cameron Fuchs Dead Pigs! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

Mike said...

Mr SG: "Pig Eats Sausage" - I lol'd. Worthy of Kelvin McKenzie.

Anonymous said...

...and there's me thinking Eton Mess was something to do with meringue. Live & learn...

verge.//

Ricky said...

Jeremy Corbyn phones Cameron -
"Hello, Dave...Dave? Sorry Dave I can't hear you; there's crackling on your end!"
And then he hangs up with a smile.

call me ishmael said...

Lovely. If only he would.

mongoose said...

Meanwhile it's an interesting time for a mega-crisis in the German motor industry, And one that Angela knew about. What can that possibly mean?

Mike said...

Mr Mongoose: is it just a coincidence that the US has just moved new nukes into Germany to threaten Vlad?

This VW thing is so big it will move into the political sphere, if it hasn't already.

Plus, Germany will never see their 3000 tonnes of gold again.

boris boarhead mp said...

i see the pope's popped over quick to check the president out for any tell-tale signs of muslimity.

ohhh, i dunno...

dave...

why couldn't he just have fucked the pig up the arse like any normal decent blue-blooded conservative?

shit said...

@boris boarhead mp

well, it has to be said that essentially the first order the president gave upon taking office was to send 30000 more troops on a suicide mission to afghanistan.

fan said...

makes yer think, dunnit?

mongoose said...

I keep forgetting that gold. I wonder how long it has been since it was last where it was said to be.

The EU project could now get really ugly. I doubt a family sleeps in Germany without a great many quid coming from the car industry one way or another. It is a unifying call of a potentially terrible sort. And Angela is an Ostie after all.

Alphons said...

The fact that he got the wrong end tells us much about his mental ability.
He still can not tell his arse from his elbow.

call me ishmael said...

No, VW is just a screw-up, I believe is what they called it, lessons will be learned, lines drawn, and moving-on will swiftly occur, otherwise we would be in the blame-game, which is a game not worth its illuminating candle.

I have no means of measuring national moods, ours or that of the Guilty Hermanns but my guess would be that both populations are seriously displeased at Angula's arbitrary abolition of the nation state, of the borders which define such as well as of her stupefying conceit and incompetence; one can only imagine the rage felt by the subordinate, client Eurostates at being sermonised at by this lardy, impertinent nincompoop.

Mr Sid Poundland does seem conspicuous by his current absence, might he be enjoying another phantom resignation? If ever there was a time for discussing borders and sovereignty this is it for if, as seems to be he case, innumerable fit, healthy young men believe, with some justification, that they have been invited to roam Europe at will until they find a place they like then they will eventually fetch-up in the UK. I wonder, are their enough troubled young British girls to support the entrepreneurial ambitions of so many Muslim men, the grooming trade might soon peak.
Furthermore, as we have already seen on some borders, violence is not far from the surface among some of these men; maybe some are fleeing war and are brutalized b its backdrop, all the more reason for Angula and her stooges and lickspittles to regret their earlier, stagey, PR humanitarianism.

VW, I guess, mr mongoose, for those reasons you mention, is resident in GordonSnotWorld, too large to fail, perhaps Chancellor George Bukkake will help bail them out. Billions to the Chinks, why not billions to the Germans, just as long as it doesn't go to the poor, that's the long-term economic plan.
I wonder what degrading, bestial self abasement young Gideon engaged in, to smooth his path into the charmed circle, pigs, goats, dogs? Young men, what are they like, eh, taking drugs and fucking dead animals, bless.

mongoose said...

And then there is the forthcoming cryathon in Paris re climate disaster. We have now had countless more billions of tonnes of filthy ick discharged into the atmosphere, and those wretched Germans are at fault again. So we really must stomach some more UN fuel tax rises. There are just too many bastard poor people being kept alive through too many winters. And many of them are inconveniently old leading to a serious ageing and not paying enough taxes problem. We must get rid of some of those inconvenient grandads. Idle fuckers sitting around all day in front of their fires - not buying iPads. It cannot not be tolerated.

call me ishmael said...

And probably not spending their pension handouts down Amazon, neither, the Chancellor's sperm-chums, who pay minimum wage and no corporation tax and are thus crucial to the LTEP. Fuck me, it's like living in a hardcore/snuff version of Malice in Wonderland.