Sunday, 24 November 2013



This is the news from Gerry and Cilla McCann's PR team - the British Government -  that they're  now convinced that the infamous master assassin was seen near their Portugese  apartment carrying a blonde-haired, very well cared for and perfectly properly parented neglected child.

It was sometime between Oswald's second and third impossibly accurate head shots 

that he slipped from the Book Depository, into the famous Texan Time Tunnel, through Time and in   - a micro-nano-milli-second - into Portugal.  Once there, he grabbed the missing child, walked past several witnesses who can now identify him positively, warped his way back to 1963 and took,  from behind the president,  the final shot which  blew his head to fucking pieces, from the front.

Holder of the illustrious UN Child Welfare medal, as well as Viz magazine's Biggest Cunt of All Time award, Dr Gerry McCann 


sneered that it was very well known among intelligent people,  like Cilla and himself and their staff -  that as Mrs Kennedy climbed frantically across the back of the doomed Lincoln - strange that, isn't it, if I was a president I wouldn't ever, ever travel in a car called a Lincoln - gathering-up her-soon-to-be-late husband's brains,

 she saw, in the distant book depository, a very well parented blonde child who could only have been from the future. 

 The former First Lady would often, in later life, wonder who the little girl was but was too busy  at the dressmaker's or the hairdesser's or  with being taken, 

Greek-Style, up the Acropolis, by her second husband, the dwarf Aristotle Ownalottashipsis.  

Although she never said anything officially about this, JackieO is known to have gossiped about it widely among her jetset court of pimps, slags, whores, rentboys and drugdealers.

This proves beyond doubt, continued Dr Gerry, 

 that the Portugese police sent an agent back in time and  recruited Mr Oswald to steal our little girl whilst we were very responsibly getting pissed, some way away from the apartment where we had locked her securely in, or not locked her in, depending on which sounds best.

Cilla and I have said all along that there was a link between the Kennedy Assassination and the abduction of Maaaaadlin.  This proves it.  

And if anyone says different we will sue them for every penny they have.

Fuck, not those two again

In Downing Street, unelected prime minister Cameron  said This may well be a job for a Time Lord.  Clearly, like my friends Mr Coulson and Ms Skanky,
 the McCanns are innocent of anything, of everything in fact.
 As am I.
 I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Or her horse.

Later, in the house, Mr Cameron continued....And having lost a child myself, Mr Tiny Speaker, people can rely on me to safeguard the NHS by not re-organising it or selling it off to Mr Lansley's friends, which I am busy doing.  No, sorry, this isn't about the NHS, is it, slipped off message there, it's just that Gerry and Cilla are both fine doctors, fine people, and, let's be clear about this, who hasn't left their kid alone at the pub, or wherever, certainly not me.  No, I'm sure I speak for all in this house when I say that the PBC should do the right thing and make an episode of Doctor Who  which proves beyond all doubt that the McCanns are   right in everything they say, however  bizarre, incredible and insulting it sounds  to the rest of us.  I call on the PBC for once to do the right thing.   

cheers, waving of order papers, hear-hears.

Speaking  at Paedo House, the new Doctor Who, that jock prick luvvie, Capaldi,

 said  to young a fan,  SeeYouYaWeeFairy, if ye dinnae do as I tell ye, I'll rip off yer stupid fag heid and shit doon yer throat, now, fuck off oota here and wait fer me in  the Savile Suite.

Bravo!  Gosh, isn't he wonderful, screeched the assembled 
Doctor Who production team, our jobs're safe for another fifty years.          


Anonymous said...

Wouldn't surprise me if Bush snr had something to do with JFK's headache. He was involved in Reagan's shooting.

Gerry McCan't look after his children properly has a most unfortunate sneer, seemingly permanently spread over his face, making him appear very arrogant.

Can't stand the bloke.


call me ishmael said...

I suppose that in both cases, mr vincent, so muddied are the waters that we will never know the truth. As usual.

DtP said...

I guess you've got to admire the 'fuck me, how did they get away with that' characteristic of both incidents. Obviously the Portugal one was, yer know, a piece of piss but the Kennedy thing took chutzpah, took balls. There was a programme on last week when Kennedy came to Macmillan's house near Brighton and he visited the local church for mass in the same Lincoln but with the bubble on top - as we can all appreciate the seditionary dangers expressed by the Brighton natives and their hatred of JFK in 1963 where he would be perfectly safe in RedNeck central a few months later.

It's a bit like the 9/11 shit - i'm pretty chill about conspiracy but cui bono and, perhaps more to the point, cui guilty? Not just vague lists but names, specifics and consequence. Although perhaps that's the whole point of such strategic shit that, as you rightly say, no-one will ever know.

It's perhaps telling that Jackie OOOooh wore the blood stained dress for the rest of the day saying 'I want them to see what they've done' whereas Oswald never saw her so who was she showing, for whom was this brain display meant - the people on the plane? Yeah, I reckon.

It does kinda make you realise that whilst the US president may be the most powerful job in the world, if they can't trust their agency and military heads, they are totally fucked.

call me ishmael said...

I am not entirely sure, mr anonymous, that the Portugal incident is as minor as you say. Of course it is not on the scale of Dallas or Manhattan but - just for instance - for Leicestershire Social Srvices to permit Gerry to deliver their report on he and Cilla " and Leicestershire Social Services confirmed that Kate and I were excellent parents........" seems utterly bizarre; for the Met to have spent millions on this, for the Foreign Office and Downing Street to have been involved throughout doesn't half make you wonder.

H said...

Cui bono indeed Mr DTP, the passing of time does muddy the water re JFK, however 911 well this,
is worth five minutes of anyones time!

How did they get away with it? Cognitive dissonance works a treat every time, same applies with our Cilla and Gerry.


jgm2 said...

' for the Met to have spent millions on this, for the Foreign Office and Downing Street to have been involved throughout doesn't half make you wonder.'

It's just a function of how well connected the naice, professional McCanns are. They're doctors doncha know. They went to university when that was a big deal. Their social circle involves some very big hitters. They know (or their media advisors know) how to make the biggest 'splash'. Government is just taking the path of least resistance. Cheaper and less politically damaging to spend a few million of other people's money playing the McCann's game than risk 'Labour/Tories Indifferent to McCanns Plight' headlines.

As others have pointed out - if this had been Wayne and Tracey from Chavchester whose kid had disappeared in the same circumstances they'd be pilloried and, if the police and meeja couldn't pin the disappearance on them a la Philpott, then they'd quietly be forgotten.

Thing is, as those rediscovered kids in America showed recently, where two or three brothers had simply abducted (admittedly older) girls off the street and kept them as slaves/real-life rubber dolls, there really are some weird, fucked-up people out there. I suspect, barring a death-bed confession, we'll never know what happened.

Which is small comfort to young Madeleine.

call me ishmael said...

"Cui bono indeed Mr DTP, the passing of time does muddy the water re JFK, however 911 well this,
is worth five minutes of anyones time!2

It certainly is a concise summary, well worth a look, if only. as it was to me, as a refresher.

There is so much about this shit that sometimes it's hard to keep track, this particular post is thus very useful.

You would think that just a glimpse at the collapse of the third building would convince the world that this is all horseshit, yet, no, spoonfed or willingly and malevontly blind, politicians around the globe, ours included, buy this shit and come back, every September for more.

call me ishmael said...

THat's true, mr jgm2, we will never know so we are left relying on our own judgements; my judgement is that Gerry McCann is an utter cunt, an entitlementista, capable of convincing even himself of his rectitude and that his scrawmy totty is wed to her moral mirror image.

Don't know what has happened in the Lisbon libel case but I hope the Portugeezers find against this vile pair. When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose, is the saying and it is paticularly apt in reputatio terms. If the McCanns lose this one then they are unlikely to evade or srifle future damnings. Por favor, senor.

Anonymous said...

The website on 911 was very informative Mr H, thank you.


H said...

"You would think that just a glimpse at the collapse of the third building would convince the world that this is all horseshit"

Exactly Mr I, presentation of the most concise and overwhelming evidence to the contrary still wouldnt shift the majority of folk out of their conditioned complacency, those that perpetrate these monstrosities know the human psyche only too well.

Cognative dissonance, used by the PTB for 911, JFK, and so many other times over the centuries and still to this present day, ensures that most people just cannot/will not see.

My own personal favourite of the summary was the fact that the attackers passport was somehow found intact 'several blocks away', jeez go figure!

call me ishmael said...

It was an absolute triumph, 9/11 itself and what it enabled and is still enabling. To a scam such as that there is only one response - up against the wall, motherfuckers.

My young friend, stanislav, parted company with ace reporter Guido Fawkes for, amongst other things, referring disparagingly to folks such as we as Troofers, the silly cunt, MPs fiddling the petty cash far more important to him than state-sponsored mass homicide, illegal occupation, torture, rendition and the ongoing global trampling of human rights; another one sucking Ruin's cock whilst playing the rebel. God bless the silly fat drunk, he's got what he wanted, a gig with Murdoch, just like his hero and inspiration, Kelvin McVermin.

We don't see much of Kelvin these days, not even in the current affairs sewers of the PBC, must be holed-up, licking his wounds; he should be careful, he'll catch something off himself.

H said...

Thought it was the pizza episode that finally broke your young friends' camels back Mr I.

As for the good Colonel himself it is beyond parody that he might even think for one minute that he still has a shred of credibility.

Murdoch is a total monster and a very dangerous one at that, I read with glee that B.liar got outed for shagging his bint, I can only pray that his revenge is suitably sweet

call me ishmael said...

Yes, the PizzaHouse of Blood was among the other things, mr h; the tottifiction of half the population was another; there were, rather like here, some great commenters, though - mr atlas shrugged, mr dennis, mr swiss bob, mr rama lama ding dong and mr .45 govt; oh I forget, now; were you there, yourself?

Rupert must have lorryloads of shit on Blair, we must hope he spills some of it.

H said...

Sporadically now Mr I, like you I became increasingly disgusted by the hypocrisy that you oulined above, having previously logged in regulary to bask in the wisdom of the sages you cite.

However I can only but thank him for guiding me to this little safe haven in the storm. As a fellow commentator here recently said, one feels that one is amongst friends.

Thank you sir for finding the words to express so eruditely how we all feel

jgm2 said...

H said..

'I read with glee that B.liar got outed for shagging his bint, I can only pray that his revenge is suitably sweet'

I've not been over to Order-order since it started randomly throwing my posts into cyber-space. I can take a hint. That said, what is this story? Blair shagging Murdoch's bint (his daughter?). Tell me more.

H said...

Its in the papers it must be true!!!

Be nice to see those two psychopaths going head to head ala celebrity death match, my money definitely on Rupe!

call me ishmael said...

Young stanislav used to defend Staines on the basis that, like a cyber pamphleteer. he allowed angry voice to those denied such by MediaMinster. Took him a while to realise that Guido was merely building his own increasingly unpleasant business and I haven't been there for years; newsman, my arse.

No thanks due, mr h, none at all.

Murdoch must have the goods on Blair, mr jgm2 but the latter's current employers may be more powerful, even, that the dirty digger. We might have to await any such reveleations coming from beyond the grave. Not long now, and he'll be bribing Whisky Maggie afresh, promising that he'll put a good word in for her, down there, with Satan, down in Spivs' Corner.

jgm2 said...

Lazy fucker, me. I had only to Google 'Blair aff...' and it started auto-populating with '..air with Wendy Deng'.

Unsurprisingly, Blair is denying any such thing but then he declared himself innocent of rigging 'evidence' for his Iraq war so I'm disinclined to believe a word the cunt says.

After Major and Edwina I shouldn't be surprised. I do hope Rupert finds it in his heart to dish the dirt.

As you say, not long now. He (Blair)looks increasingly cadaverous every time I see a picture. Perhaps Satan cannot wait to meet him and is hurrying things along.

I have to say that life would be so much more satisfying if I actually believed in this God and Satan stuff. It would make the whole thing so much more bearable if evil cunts like Blair and Brown really did spend eternity being sodomised by Satan's barbed wire cock. Unfortunately we'll have to put up with them being dragged up The Mall on a gun carriage like some national-fucking-hero. The BBC with some suitably obsequious fucker, dressed sombrely, droning on about 'Great politician...'

I hate Brown with a burning passion but that's a cop-out on my part. Brown is easy to hate. Mis-shapen, tongue-tied, insecure, nasty, I mean really obviously nasty and a blustering incompetent.

But Blair is actually more responsible because he knew all this and failed to get rid of the cunt before he could do any damage. I find myself falling into the same trap as the rest of the voters. Glib, rictus-grinned, smooth operator, shit-don't-stick Blair. I let myself forget that it was him who engineered the Iraq war. Him who failed to crush Brown.

I find myself, like those who kept a bottle in the fridge for Maggie, looking forward to the day they die. I begin to understand the depth of loathing it is possible to feel. If I have one wish it is that they, like the incompetent butcher Field Marshall Haig, come to realise and regret the damage they have caused and spend the rest of their life haunted with the knowledge.

Sadly I think that Blair and Brown are so rotten to their evil core that it's unlikely.

yardarm said...

It`s almost too good to be true, isn`t it, the jug eared war criminal making the beast with two backs with Rupe`s trophy Sheila, and Blair being payroll too, the humiliation.

Rupe has little left to lose, as do his sweating abandoned underlings, quaking with terror in the dock. May they all squeal on as much MediaMonster trash as possible: a circular firing squad, a shit storm of Hurricane Katrina proportions.

call me ishmael said...

Time mr yardarm, that someone spilled the shit on the Blair mariage, methinks. There was talk, a while back, of the Blessed SlotGob sidebarring interracially and there has been much gossip of Tony/Miranda, cottaging his arse off in earlier days. We should be told.

Dunno if Blair and the chinkbint would be interested in the beast with two backs but rather with Power, itself, a worse form of adultery, one would imagine, for Rupert to contemplate.

yardarm said...

Didn`t know re Slotgobs fornication: who with, Stevie Wonder ? I did read somewhere, very likely here, back in the ambulance chasing days she was copulating with Derry Irvine and to get rid of her he foisted the baggage onto a young Jug Ears.

May their corporate Gulfstream pop a porthole at 30 000 feet, depressurising them into the void, their money billowing around them, she shrieking and trying to grab it and he, clutching his rosary as they plummet towards their appointment with the Dark Master.

call me ishmael said...

The surviving, fat old lady tellycook, was a barrister and worked with Blair early on and she has said that he was known as Miranda in the office - the office they call chambers - for his habitual cottaging; she refuses to be further drawn but is adamant thta she knows plenty.

I heard, way back, maybe in their second term, that the Blairs were the thinly disguised subjects of a Primary Colours style -the Clintons exposed - book which had been fiercely injucted out of existence or its authors bought off or both and in which Wifey was sleeping withj a black barrioster, as well as, presumably, a white bisexual one.

The Derry Irvine connection is widely told and believed, all that stuff, Derry Irvine, Charlie Falconer being given senior lucrative appointments without any noticeable experience it all reeks of what my friend stanislav used to say was one useless fucking bastard blackmail the arse off from another bastard.

It is fair to say that from day one, with Ecclestone, the Blairs managed to whore the office of prime minister like none before or since, what's a spot of blackmail to those who would pimp the entire armed forces?

You won't hear the hobgoblin, Neil, asking questions like that. I used to watch him for light relief but even that approach cannot sanitise the shit of it all.

My dispensation would be to hand the pair of them to some arab ladies with very sharp flensing knives and I hate them the more for having stired such brutality in me.

yardarm said...

Holly Lester, I think, was the title of the book you refer to Mr Ishmael. One day, hopefully soon, when they have both kicked the bucket I`d like to read a history of the two and their dirty dealings: Chasing the Golden Ambulance: The Big Careers of the Blairs.