Saturday, 30 November 2013


Worse than dodgy Mark Thatcher, this  but couldn't happen to a more deserving family.  Brother Dominic is a failed, whining,  right-wing hack, migrant guest from Filth-O-Graph to Mail to Independent, probably his next stop is the Redditch Advertiser.  Pops is a freak show, an eighty-two year old with strangely thick, richly coloured  auburn hair and a recurring penchant for women young enough to be his grandchildren.  

On marrying his second, trophy, wife,  the former chancellor - catchphrase: unemployment is a price worth everybody else paying  -  Big Fat Nigel Lawson shed stones of lard so quickly that one would think he was on speed.  But no, he wrote a book about a miracle diet that he'd invented.  And everybody believed it.  Everybody but me. And anybody else with any sense. 

 Now, in his dotage, his Lordship maintains that despite a gazillion extra people on the planet,  churning out body warmth and burning fuel for heating and cooking; despite everyone in the developed and developing world  blasting the atmosphere with all their cooking, heating and lighting devices; their cars, their trains, their planes; despite the massive expansion of light and heavy industries and the massive Oriental and Asian expansion of coal-fired power stations, despite all this extra heat a closed biosphere can easily and harmlessly absorb and neutralise it all,  maintaing a steady, business-friendly temperature, doesn't matter what the thermometers say, there is no such thing as global warming.  He's a fool or a knave, probably both and the sooner he's dead and shut the fuck up, the better. 

What is certain is that as well as proudly being a Thatcher spiv, he is a nasty, amoral, narcissistic, elderly predator.  No wonder his daughter is a fuck-up; shaking her tits at the nation, at her age; doing food as soft porn.  I have never seen more than a few seconds of her dreadful show but it was enough; corny and hammy,  pouting and slurping and licking, ridiculous rubbish,  

I can't see Lawson's culinary bump'n'grind arousing even a fourteen-year old schoolboy,  who normally walks around with a permanent hard-on, but the telly folk loved her,  she is Oxbridge, after all.

And now, former hubby, Champagne Charlie,  is pissing into her souffle erotique.  It's lovely to see but barring a jail sentence she will survive it all, the charmed circle of celebrity knows how to care for its own.  People will be taking sides as we speak,  the poor woman, such a shame, all she ever wanted to do was help us cook and this nasty brute is saying all these terrible things.  Or, I dunno how poor Charles put up with her, she was an absolute horror, selfish, spoiled and a dreadful drug addict.  The TitFoodies will win of course and Lawson will be rehabiltated, her struggle serialised in the Mail,  a new series launched, with much greater depth and maturity, following her ordeal.  Cookery Confessions of a Crack Whore, PBC2.  Don't miss it.


yardarm said...

Always was very pleased with himself was Nige, for no very good reason. Although as a member of the entitlement class that's reason enough. And he was the architect of Big Bang in `86, which kicked off the money riot, turning the City into a deskbound Al Qaeda so if the silly bastard tells us global warming doesn't exist then its time to retro evolve a pair of gills and learn to swim. I last saw the smug fart on Newsnight, smugly boasting that at the age of 80 he was still working. As a fucking hod carrier, no doubt. No one challenged the chair polishing bastard on that and I gave up watching late night political telly, about the same time unpunished fraudster Jacqui Smith appeared on the pissed up Brillo show. As you say, Mediaminster.

As for the daughter being off her tits on drugs might explain her marriage to that seedy spin merchant and maybe she was hoping to fornicate him into an early grave and get her hands on his millions.

lilith said...

Daddy being a narcissist may explain her attraction to Charles. She has forgone his millions in their divorce, having a few of her own. Charles is a cunt, having let the press have a field day with his accusations that she is a coke fiend he now says he has no evidence of that at all. If she was an habitual coke fiend she would have a figure like Trinny Woodall, the devastated and heartbroken Charles' latest squeeze...or should that be crunch. Nigella can spoon chocolate cake into my mouth at 2 am dressed only in her grey silk dressing gown any day.

And Nigel has somewhat redeemed himself for me with his active countering of the biggest ever fraud perpetrated by the ruling classes: Catastrophic Anthropogenic Global Warming.A nasty excuse to keep the third world poor, turn the west into the third world, and euthanase the elderly.

Anonymous said...

He might be right about Global warming. Don't see how all the fires, engines and power stations could match even a day of a big volcano's heat and output, and there must be hundreds of them. Not to mention sunspots. Certainly, though, if man-made GW exists I don't see how taxing stuff will work to mitigate it. Seems like a scam.

Caratacus said...

Not entirely convinced, Mr. I, of the allegations sprayed so liberally hither and yon about young Nigella. We have only the word of a rather dodgy old fart and two unlovelies trying desperately to stay out of gaol.

I remain a cynical old bastard too on the matter of Warble Gloaming. We flatter ourselves that we are so potent a species; if anything is warming Earth up a bit I'm more inclined to lay that at the door of the Sun and its periodical hot flushes than anything else. Of course the thieves in Westsphincter have latched on to it as a method of extracting even more money from us, may their earholes turn into arseholes and shit upon their new shirt collars.

Goodness - I am a mistrustful old sod this morning :-)

call me ishmael said...

You may all be right. I do not dispute that govament milks climatological change for all its worth, nor do I query ms lilith's points about oppressing what we impudently call the Third World but it seems to me that over- population and over-consumption - anyway you look at them - through the lenses of energy, resources, erosion, toxicity - can only spell planetary catastrophe.

As to the volcano analogy, yes, those events can be disastrously potent but there is nothing we can do about them or indeed about that lucky old Sun, we can, however, restrain the Infinite Growthers, they cannot be permitted to poison, erode and destroy a finite ecosystem. We should kill them.

call me ishmael said...

And I don't care, mr caratacus, whether or not these specific allegations are true, there will be plenty of others that are. Lawson has grown hugely, obscenely rich at the PBC, peddling tripe, the same PBC at which none of her fellow brilliant Oxbridgers spotted that Jimmy Savile was a mega-nonce; funny how I and millions of others spotted it decades ago, and from this side of the shiny, magic screen. Lawson is part of the same cabal as Mark Thompson and Lord Pooh Bear, stealing millions from the rest of us and blithely fronting it out. Anything, true or otherwise, which rattles the cages of any of these swine is good news to me.

She admits to fifty-two, by the way, the young Nigella.

tober said...

He's right about the man made global warming scam. No warming for 20 years now despite the 'deadly' CO2 increasing due to Chinese coal mines etc.
Global warming is just a massive money making scam for the banksters with their new 'carbon tax' and useless windmills etc.
Ice ages and tropics have befallen these islands long before we came along and will continue long after we've gone. To think we can change that is ridiculous.

Caratacus said...

Points taken, Mr. I.

Incidentally, fifty-two from my viewpoint is v. youthful :-(

Mike said...

Enjoying the latest Nigella series - the one filmed in Isleworth. Down here, we don't have enough sophistication or breeding to produce a Nigel or Nigella of our own; we have quite a few Charlies making a quick buck, though most burn out like Hales comet. Our PM says CAGW is "crap" - so thats official.

Anonymous said...

Shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Shocked that Mr Ishmael, one so astute, would consider for more than a moment the possibility that the Earth is heating up, and that if it was, which it's not, this was a bad thing.

The University of East Anglia (how ridiculous) has been proven to have deliberately and systematically lied, perjured, fabricated and generally talked bollox about global warming. In exchange for cash, obviously. Your cash. Because cash causes the planet to cool. Obviously.

Remember this when discussing levels, percentages or whatever else baffling bullshit is spewed about 'greenhouse gases' - 95% of greenhouse gas is water vapour, and without it, we'd be dead. Of the remaining 5%, more than 4% is naturally occuring. Humans contribute less than 1% of greenhouse gases, and fucking about with catilytic converters will never, ever change that fact. Fact, mind, not my opinion.

One need only look at the bunch of cunts that propound this ridiculous theory to see that it cannot possibly be true. Or follow the money.


call me ishmael said...

Yes, mine is not a popular view in cyberspace, a place naturally peopled, I think, with sceptics. But I am not moved by the Greens, the windmillers or the academics, more by, of all people, the Duke of Edinburgh's remarks in Rome, when I was a young man, about the Limits to Growth.

My friend, Marshal McLuhan, posited that Individual Consciousness was an Evolutionary Dead-End - that the separate consumer needs, the demands of swarming billions simply cannot be met, much less can their individualised political, military,religious, economic, sexual doctrines and persuasions be accomodated, I haven't the time to expand on that, the noo, but maybe another time. Limits to Growth, though, and the insatiabilty of billions of consumers - given that Consumerism is predicated upon constant dissatisfaction - these and their impact upon the environment must surely be catastrophic - fllods,droughts, famines, plagues, duststorms, hurricanes and war.

Anonymous said...

Truth it is that consumerism leads to despair.

Look around you, Mr Ishmael. Acres and hectares, poles and furlongs and chains and all sorts of other shit, of barren wasteland. Empty. Nothing.

Drive a few miles, like you did recently, to fetch the little man, and you'll see the same: miles and miles and miles of nothing.

There is plenty of room in the world for the people that inhabit it, it's just that a few, a very few, selfish, spiteful bastards, cunts like the Duke, 'own' most of it.

The ecological downfall narrative is, imho, utter nonsense, propounded by the elite to ready us for the slaughter to come, the disease, the pestilence, the plagues, that will leave them with everything and us with nothing.

They view the world as a farm, and us as cattle, to be milked, by underlings, obviously. They prefer a smaller farm, more manageable, you see? That's why they kill us before we are born and kill us when we are old.

Dried up, then. No milk.


Anonymous said...

PS. Peddling tripe. Another classic.

Gifted. That's what you are.


Anonymous said...

PPS. Nigel Lawson is a cunt and a druggie.

Not his daughter's fault that her father is a cunt, my daughter probably feels the same, she is not me.

I cannot stand to watch twats talking shit about cooking, as though they could produce an orgasm in the eater, if only they follow the recipe.

Saw that cunt Hollywood the other day. How many programmes can possibly be made about bread? Bread? Fucking bread? About as interesting as underpants, as butter, as curtains.

WTF is wrong with people that they will enthrone cunts like Hollywood, a deserter BTW, and watch endless hours of cuntishness about fucking bread?


Alphons(ex scientist) said...

Logically there may be a slight case to be made for a very, very gradual warming of the Earth, albeit very slight, but the furore generated by the windfarmers and the frackers and more particularly the Westminster mercenaries is the main cause for concern.
Science has been hijacked, and instead of asking questions of it, it is being asked to prove the veracity of claims made by non-scientists for monetary gain....and paid handsomely for it's untruths.

Verge said...

"planetary catastrophe" - it's a cold thought but Plan Cat is probably not the same thing as societal collapse - somehow doubt the Planet will give much of a fuck. Nature will file us under "Experiments: Failed" and move right along...a few thousands years and we're just a grubby memory, a fading stain, our stubborn urban ruins merely ballrooms for the wind.

mrs narcolept said...

Not just bread, but bread with beetroot in. Beetroot.

call me ishmael said...

We should not be so curtly if poetically dismissed, mr verge, not after coming all this way; we are the fishmen and the sea apes... evolution up the slopes of the sea; writing, printing, the symphony, the Saturn rocket. Soon, none will live who walked the moon, let it not be the same with Mother Earth.

I think you're probably right, by the way, but we should resist, what else do we have but resistance - what is your poetry about but resistance and contrariness - if it had been down to the sorts of arseholes who become leaders we would still be in the sea.

call me ishmael said...

I take a more asthetic view of the windmilling carpetbaggers, mr alfons; here, where I live, the landscape is unchanged since the Ice Age, there is nothing on the horizon but the horizon or there didn't use to be. What these fuckers are doing, they and their pocketed councillors, is like taking a Stanley knife to a Rembrandt. Never mind green energy, this is fucking EarthCrime. There should be no forgiveness.

call me ishmael said...

I do think that very thing, mr vincent, driving through the Highlands. I am also aware of an argument wgich says that the RainForests are simply too valuable a global resource to be in the hands impoverished, stone-age tribes who only want to cut them down and I feel the same way about the Highlands and Islands, that Salmond and his hooligan tribesmen can plant pylons and windmills all over the place marks the end of a 12,000-year wilderness which is restorative and inspiring to people who visit from all over the world, they visit not for what is here but for what is not here. It is repellent that one who claims to be the free spirit of Scotland is so industriously destroying it, here.....there....and everywhere, grubby little shit.

I would rather, anyway, that we, including Pope Frankie the Miser, took steps to limit population, rather than parking huddled masses in my Highlands. There is only so much whisky, so many sheep that can be prolduced

call me ishmael said...

I saw that doughboy with the snufflers beard, mrs narcolept, for about two seconds and that was horror enough. He's the luckiest man in showbusiness since Ringo Starr. And as for la pattisier ancien, Madame Death, the made-up corpse, Jesus fucking wept, should have a Not Suitable For Children warning.

Verge said...

"what else do we have but resistance"

Amen to that. The existentialists were onto something, bless their cotton frogs.

"ballroom for the wind" was Derek Mahon (I had to look it up, knew I'd lifted it from somewhere.)

Innaresting thing on BBC 4 about latest anthropological thinking re amazon - the idea of primal/pristine rainforest may well be mistaken, man has been (benignly, til now) reworking the landscape for thousands of years, potshards under every root. Much of it apparently to do with changing the chemistry of the soil for the better by crapping in the same spot for 5 years at a time. Dirty bastards...

jgm2 said...

I feel sorry for Nigella. What sort of a cunt names his daughter after himself?

Narcissistic bastard.

call me ishmael said...

Nigel Lawson's Devilspawn:

Nigella Lawson, Daughter; Dominic Lawson, Son;
Thomasina Lawson,Daughter; Emily Lawson, Daughter; Horatia Lawson,
Daughter; Tom Lawson,Son.

He is a nasty freak, as I expect we'll lrearn when he goes to the great Dietician in the Sky. A spanker, I wouildn't be surprised. And wasn't there something lurking, explosively, I always thought, in his utterances about Thatcher and her personal shadow chancellor, wotsisname, Alan something, there was something of the HowDareYous? in Lawson's irritation. He was top drawer, Rothschilds, I believe, whilst she was a Methodist fundamentalist's daughter, Hyacinth Bucket to his Flashman. Christ, what a ghastly wrecking crew.