Wednesday, 12 September 2012



Baroness Ain Sung Suu Warsi awarded NoJob Prize.

Sayeeda Gob, above, is widely acclaimed among Torybastards as being "the worst chairman we have ever had.  Apart from the last one. And the one before that. Even her own people pelt her with eggs, don't they?" fumed  Tory activist, sorry, arriviste, Mr Michael Gob-Fallon, MP, 

 Mr Frankie Howerd, MP, comes out to the nation.
Shut up, dearie, and listen to me.

"and they should know. I mean, these Pakis, they don't mince words among each other, or eggs. And I gather that  a few of the local ragheads fairly drenched the silly bint in TESCO's best Halal FreeRange on account of her  supporting the killing of fellow muzzies in Afghanistan  or some other wog shithole. "


" No, it's OK for David Cameron havng a token splitarse or two and even a junglebunny in his cabinet," snarled the angry spiv,  Fallon, menacingly, "but this one's taking the piss.  I mean, mixing business with pleasure, fiddling the expenses and taking the boyfriend on official business.  Who does she think she is, Liam Fox? William Hague?"

Welcoming  Lady Warsi Suu Kyi to Oxford University, Lord Chris Double Whammy, himself a former chairman of the Tories.said,

 Lord Doctor, the right honourable, His Excellency Chris Pooh Bear Patten, Chancellor of a rich folks' university, safe pair of hands;   reports written, speeches given, sinecures collected.
Arses licked, well, rich ones that can give me money, or jobs, or both.

No, the reason I am so important, as I explain in the seventh volume of my autobiography, Why I'm Still Very Important, is that I just am. It's not that I'm witty because I'm as funny as rectal cancer, not as though I'm bright because I have the IQ of a fencepost and it's certainly not that I'm dazzlingly good company because I can only talk about myself and how important I am. No, it's because after the people of Bristol or wherever it was fucked me off, old Johnny Major had to give me something to do to keep me quiet about his part in the MaggieCoup and so he sent me off to ChinkoLand.  I didn't mind, it was half a million quid a year, tax free and all the free dinners I could nosh.  Being a Governor General's not half-bad and it's where they put the potentially embarrassing  types,  that little wog, wotsisname, Boateng, for instance and that Scotch baggage, the one that got Australia, Helen McFishwife or something.  But enough about me, for a moment anyway.  This is Sayeeda's day and I for one am not going to tell her that her parliamentary career is over, fuck me, no.  Just look at that ghastly little monkeywoman, wotsername, Blears, Hazel Blears, wretched little slag in her high heels, 

waving her cheque to the taxman for thirteen grand at the electors of   some dark, satanic cesspit up North 

 and  fuck me gently didn't they go and elect her again;  alright, she's not in the govament, but nor's any of 'em and that doesn't mean they can't still get rich. So so what if Sayeeda's been taking her boyfriend off on trips, 

William Hague's the expert on that, sorry Darling Willy, but it is true, 


and what if she slipped up on the old expenses form, aboslutely no reason that she doesn't stay right at the top of politics. For as long, anyway, as David Cameron remains the unelected prime minister. Which, in my considered and scholarly  judgement,  won't be terribly long.  Burma?  Never heard of it. Do you want  me to go and work there?  I could probly fit it in, three days a week. Get your people to speak to my people. Okay, Yah? 

 As it is, since we wrote those words, Lady Sayeeda Redneck has, in fact,  weathered the storm. Mickey Fallon got a better job, more in keeeping with his talents - even county Tories had had enough of being lectured to by the old fruit, unlike Mr Jeremy Paxman who, confusing showbusiness with news,  seems to love it.  Both Micky and the Asian bint have gone from the Tory Chair, being replaced by some demotee - is it the indispensable Doctor Lansley?  and Sayeeda has not been sacked but  given some important job, counting paperclips in Dave's stationery cupboard.  Anybody out there know what it is that she knows? Apart from how to fiddle her exes?


Dick the Prick said...

It's all Ashcroft money - the analysis has been out there for years, Tories need to buy the Northern asian vote. Fuck me Warsi's shit but it turns out the new chairman has been tampering with his wiki autobiog to amend 4 O Levels to 5? The ex-housing minister who wanted to destroy green belt has taken over from a lass who thought the Church of England was the village fucking fuschia appreciation society. In normal circumstances these people should be criticized but axiomatically it kinda appears that Cameron has fuck all to do with the Conservative party and he's a bit of a knob.

I have a bit of a soft spot for the old Warsi purely because she is so shit and she's sort of tangible shit. She got put front and centre by Cameron when if you'd met her at your local planning committee you'd think she was a very nice girl. She's had some proper abuse and at no point was given any kind of authority over government work. However, Billy Vague has, as you rightly point out, just given her the old Hazel Blears gig and that, Sir, is a spending department.

She's thick and she knows it unlike William Hague who has never been able to do accounting. Hmm..the last hope of the Tories is that people will listen to Miliband but other than that, doubt anyone would notice.

Autumn is often overlooked - the air smells sweeter. All the best dude.

yardarm said...

Always thought Wysteria was thinking with an organ other than his brain when he gave Karsi her non job. Remember how everyone thought Johnny Underpants was of impeccable moral rectitude then it turned out he`d been dipping his spoon into the Currie, oh yes.

Is Pattens physog becoming, no doubt as a result of decades of unearned guzzling and gluttony, a moonlike bland pudding of a visage like Ted Heath ?

jgm2 said...


You're shitting me. The thick fucker has only 4 or even 5 'O' levels.

I know exam results have become devalued these past 25 or more years so that a mere 5 GCSEs these days would put you on a par with plankton intellectually but even back when I was doing 'O' Levels they wouldn't let you into sixth form with less than five.

Yet this thick c*unt has somehow managed to wangle his way into a safe party constituency and now a high profile job.

I caught a few minutes of a film last week. 'Idiocracy' it was called. I must buy it on e-bay - it sounds like the new '1984'.

Woman on a Raft said...

"Grant Shapps' key responsibility will be bringing out the Tory vote"

Good luck with that. I've found with local politicians that it pays to keep them away from the voters because all they do is make enemies and annoy people.

Also, why do they insist on putting photos of themselves out? They'd do better putting a nice greetings card out, floral, and a message which says "wishing you all the very best this season and looking forward to serving you in the future, signed VOTE /candidate/ on /date/

They could make the bunches of flowers party-themed if they like.

call me ishmael said...

The flowers would all shrivel-up and die.