Speaking from the top of his Civil Contingencies/for the use of tank,
Lt Col Rupert Golightly-Jockstrap, of the Queen's Own NancyBoys Regiment, the Military Commander of London said, There is a very real terrorist threat, here, in London, twelve million of them in fact and it is my proud duty to keep the streets safe for govament limousines to sweep past, carrying people who are very important to the economic recovery of the armed forces and my children's school fees. Is this martial law? Well, only in the sense that we will shoot people who complain about the govament. As I said, there are at least twelve million people in London who think they have the right to, well, say anything, really.
Mr Phil "Greedybastard" Hammond, MP, Minister for Internal Torture
Philip Hammond was criticised in 2009 when it emerged during the MP expenses row that he claimed just £8 short of the maximum allowance for a second home in London from 2007 to 2008 even though he lived in the commuter belt town of Woking. As a result of the criticism Mr Hammond told his local paper that he would pay back any profit he makes on the future sale of his second home to the public purse.
Mr Philip Hammond, the Junta's Obedience Minister, said, Now look, Kirsty, there are sixty million people in this country who might want to upset things for the not-law-abiding, not-tax-paying but nevertheless extremely important families who selflessly run things and the Junta was elected by itself just to stop this very thing happening. Did I say selflessly, a slip of the tongue, of course I meant selfishly.
KILL THEM, KILL THEM ALL, HOW DARE THEY QUESTION MY EXPENSES?
Francis Maude, the shadow minister for the cabinet office, attempted to claim the mortgage interest on his family home in Sussex. This arrangement was rejected by the Fees Office. Two years later, Mr Maude bought a flat in London a few minutes walk from a house he already owned. He then rented out the other property and began claiming on the new flat: the taxpayer has since covered nearly £35,000 in mortgage interest payments
Mr Frankie Bouffant, minister for cabinet office fraud, above, said I have been waiting all my life for this, and my father before me, him, too; shooting people on the streets, it's what a true Tory lives for; Winston, Margaret, it's what a truly great leader does, confront the people and kill them. Olympics, who gives a fuck about a load of nignogs runninmg around in circles? No, this is proper law'n'order, at long last.