THE DAILY DUNCAN

Well, they're not quite dropping like flies, it's not like the Somme or anything but five in one go isn't bad.

There may come a time when whole suburbsful of chaps go out and die for the British Way Of Life - My Free Gardening and Second Home Allowances etc - but until that happens at least the chaps are putting up a pretty good show which we can be proud of. Probably have to exercise the old sorrowful countenance a bit on Remembrance Sunday but no-one ever said my job was easy. Has someone gone out to fetch my Poppy, there's some money in the petty cash, make sure you get a receipt.

Blow out you bugles over the rich politicians...how does that go again?

262 DEAD & Countless Maimed

But that's just so far.

LOOK IN EVERY DAY TO SEE HOW MANY MORE TROOPS HAVE DIED FOR ALAN'S WAY OF LIFE. IT'S A MAN'S LIFE IN THE ARMY, THAT'S WHY HE'S NOT IN IT.

Another five shot dead, as they rested. Field Marshal Snot says, well, you know....at the going down of the sun and in the morning we will not remember to give them the right gear. Greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for the bandit Karzai, to no discernible useful purpose.

THE DAILY DUNCAN

Well, another chap's done the right thing for us in Selly Oak, yesterday, laid down his life that his betters - me - might enjoy free gardening, jolly decent of him, even though he did take his time about it.

257 DEAD & Countless Maimed

But that's just so far.

LOOK IN EVERY DAY TO SEE HOW MANY MORE TROOPS HAVE DIED FOR ALAN'S WAY OF LIFE. IT'S A MAN'S LIFE IN THE ARMY, THAT'S WHY HE'S NOT IN IT.

But the main news is those bods falling out of the sky on fire but, you know, it's not as though they were serving on a very important select committee as some right honourable members do, Oh, several times a year without any thought for their own safety, now, is it. Have to keep a sense of proportion. Main thing is, those Kelly recommendations'll take years to come in, by which time we will have arranged something altogether more satisfactory, share options or something, in the banks, and bonuses, well, why not, we do deserve them. As that chap said in the Nimrod enquiry, business, that's what we should protect, servicemen are, in the scheme of things, ten a penny but if we want to continue to attract people of my quality into politics we have to make it worth my while.