Britain's Home Secretary, the unpardonably ugly Shabana Mahmood, has a problem with her eyebrows. I know I'm not supposed to be lookist, but I can't get past those eyebrows.
See what I mean? God didn't give her those eyebrows in a fit of whimsy. I think she paints them on. If so, that is a serious error of judgement. There's the hair: box-dye shiny black. She's a Birmingham lass of 45, so you'd expect a decent smattering of Gravitas Grey in there. It would be an improvement. And then there's the full-face hard make-up, presenting the appearance of early-onset dementia or a toddler let loose in her mummy's make-up drawer.
She failed her 11+ (I didn't, just saying, and I have zero arithmetical ability. I still struggle with my 8 times table). So, having failed her 11+, we might assume that her attendance at King Edward's Camp Hill was a bloody lucky break, King Edward's being a rather prestigious Grammar School. So, after a shaky start intellectually, she then did rather well - Oxford, Inns of Court Law School, Labour Party, Lord High Executioner
Chum of Keir Starmer, and a passionate supporter of Palestinian rights, as she said on her website. Back to the error of judgement. Like the eyebrows, but infinitely more serious. In 2014 she took part in a demonstration outside a branch of Sainsbury's in Birmingham city centre. She said "We lay down in the street and we lay down inside Sainsbury's to say we object to them stocking goods from illegal settlements – and that they must stop. We managed to close down that store at peak time on a Saturday. This is how we can make a difference."
The Jewish Chronicle reported that she was criticised for this by members of the Board of Deputies of British Jews and the Jewish Leadership Council. Okay, it was 11 years ago - but she was 34, all grown up, a legal professional, and really, really, should have known better. It gave Laura Kuenssberg ammunition to fire a round of fucks into her in the politics show today.
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It has compromised her in the response to the 9th October atrocity by Jihad Al-Shamie, who was attempting to kill as many Jews as he could, two years after the 7th October invasion of Israel by Hamas, and 52 years after the Yom Kippur War, also known as the 1973 October War, (6 to 25 October 1973) after a coalition of Arab states led by Egypt and Syria, invaded Israel in a surprise attack.
October - really bad month for Jews. The Arab nations chose Yom Kippur to invade Israel, no doubt thinking it would give them an advantage, the Israelis being at prayer. Like Jihad Al-Shamie choosing Yom Kippur to attack Jews at prayer, using his car as a battering ram, dressing himself up in a fake bomb vest to inspire terror and stabbing anyone he could get his knife on.
Whatever was his father thinking of, calling his baby boy "Jihad"? Nominative determinism, or what? Did the kid stand a chance of growing up half-way sane? Did Daddy say your brothers Jawad, Generous and Noble and Kenan, Possession, can lead normal lives, but you, Jihad, you will be a warrior for Islam. Anyway, to borrow our new chum, mr maledictus' terminology, Jihad was a wrongun. Unable to hold his marriage together, heavily in debt and on bail for alleged rape. Now, those things won't get you into heaven... but, there's a sneaky way of wiping out these misdemeanours. Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be upon his name, said
“the sword wipes away all sins” and “being killed in the path of Allah washes away impurity”. Jihad is one of the means to Paradise. All sins (except debt) would be forgiven for the one who dies in it. Participation in jihad had to be voluntary and intention must be pure, as jihad requires man to put both his life and wealth at risk. It is ranked as one of the highest good deeds; according to one hadith it is the third-best deed after prayer and being good to one's parents.
What we fail to understand in the irreligious, secular West, is that people actually believe this Mediaeval shit. No, really believe it. The life to come is more important, significant and real than this life. It is a death cult. I believe, on fairly good evidence, that I have just the one precious life and, again quoting mr maledictus, that dead is dead.
The Al-Shamie family were Syrian in origin, but came to England when young Jihad was 6 years old. He had the advantage of an English education. Even if his family were rabid Jew-haters, why didn't the education system instil religious tolerance in the child? Jihad became a British citizen when he was 16 - was citizen-ship just handed out, without any attempt to determine if the new young Briton was aligned with the values of the country he wanted to become a citizen of?
For adults, citizenship requires the following:
- Naturalization: You must be at least 18 years old and have lived in the UK for at least five years (or three years if married to a British citizen) before applying.
- Residency Requirements: You cannot have spent more than 450 days outside the UK in the five years prior to applying
- Application Process: You will need to complete an application form, provide supporting documents, and pay a fee.
- English Language Requirement: You must demonstrate proficiency in English, Welsh, or Scottish Gaelic.
- Life in the UK Test: You will need to pass the Life in the UK test, which assesses your knowledge of British history, culture, and laws.
Kemi Badenoch has set out her stall to deport 150,000 undocumented migrants per year, using a new Removals Force and is committed to taking Britain out of the ECHR. These will be very popular policies - and they need to be, if she is to get the Tories into power again. But she will also need to think carefully about those legal British citizens who are so alienated from Britain's history, culture, values and laws that they, like Jihad Al-Shamie, are prepared to wage war on other British citizens in the cause of conflicts originating 2,383 miles away.
The carefully-edited propaganda flowing out from Hamas and uncritically foisted on the British public by mainstream telly has been hugely successful in persuading the foolish to align themselves with the "Palestinian" cause. Why was it not possible to stop the pro-Palestine protests on Saturday? Eyebrow Mahmood weakly asked the Protesters to have a little think and stay home, exercise a little decency and restraint, respect the feelings of their fellow British citizens who had been attacked in the place where they should feel safe, in their place of worship. The Protesters said, in effect, Fuck Youse and continued to march in support of an illegal organisation. They even made the police carry them away when they were arrested. One ridiculous middle-aged white woman declared to camera that Israel started the war on Gaza.
A Home Secretary so weak or so ideologically compromised that she cannot direct her police force to prevent a demonstration in these circumstances is pretty bloody useless. As bad as the Oaf Lammy.
Kemi says she's going to pass legislation to prevent vexatious demonstrations. Trouble is, she won't get the chance.
You can drive yourself mad thinking about this stuff. Let's have some mind-bleach. Over in Belarus, which is not a member of the ECHR, the lads have got the cladding on the forest house. They've put it on across the ways, whereas in Orkney we put it up and down the ways, (vertically, not horizontally, to help stop the rain getting in). They've also installed the log-burning stove.
There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:
Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.
Elderberry and dark chocolate muffins
Ingredients
150g elderberries
300g plain flour
200g ground almonds
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
250ml almond milk
200ml maple syrup
4 tablespoons melted coconut oil
80g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or one pod)
Method
Preheat the oven to 180C fan (gas mark 4). Line a 12-hole muffin tray with muffin cases. Add the flour, ground almonds, baking powder and bicarbonate of soda to a large mixing bowl and stir together until well combined, with no lumps.
Pour in the almond milk, maple syrup, melted coconut oil and vanilla extract. Mix well until the batter is thick and smooth. Gently stir in the elderberries and dark chocolate pieces. Fill the muffin cases and bake for 25 – 30 minutes until golden, risen and cooked through.
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