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The chronicles of Ruin, continued. Call me Ishmael said....intelligence is knowing what to do when you don't know what to do. Anonymous said... When I don't know what to do,I come here. 10 September 2009 22:59
29 comments:
Is that a withered gladiolus or are you just pleased to see me? (Brian swore I'd be meeting a butch kind of Mellors type of chap, not an Edna Everage tribute act. Bladdy hell.) Got a fag? I do like the faded fez look your gardeners have adopted - rather skinny, though, can't you feed them a few scraps? Probably needed for compost, I suppose. The scraps, I mean...
v./
are you bill or ben?
i'm investigating the suspected abduction and dismemberment of the flowerpot men...
you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, madam?
my partner needs to harvest a crop of about 100 plants every month...
but don't worry, it's all for personal use
Ah, Camelia.
mr mike,
just coz i've got two humps, it doesn't make me a camel, dear
oh fiddlesticks, you beat me to it, mr highgrove-hippy - i was going to say that too
magic mushrooms?
no, i'm afraid we don't grow that sort-of-thing on this manor, madam
please mind where you wave your thingy, young man
look doll, here's the deal: either you and charlie-boy go fully organic - or you get one of these up yer frock
due to the impending climate-apocalypse, my husband set his heart on building one of those big boaty-things...
ya, so we've invited boris and carrie babymachine along for the cruise...
and if you and mrs gardener wish to come aboard for the ride too, you're welcome to bring your seeds and do some fertilizing
@an antediluvian arsehole in the establishment-zoo
fuck, get me on the first flight to mars
why is it always i who am the satirical subject of these caption-competitions?
how come that fat fuck fergie never gets to be piggy-in-the-middle?
duchess: "i know, it's amazing what i find growing in my private wildflower-meadow"
duchess of sweetcorn: "fancy a shag in the shed?"
oh ya, use the crop on me, baby
God bless you, mr ultrapox, your captions are hilarious!But for elegant simplicity, I'm going with mr mike's: "Ah, Camelia...."
Pray continue, Ishmaelites - competition open until I post today's Sunday Ishmael - which will be some time yet, given the plethora of good things to rip the piss out of that this week has yielded.
between you and me monty, i rather hope mrs ishmael gets her tits caught in the mangle
oh dear, pulling out the weeds is all rather brutal and eugenicist, don't you think...?
my husband just prefers to give them a good talking to
oh yes, ma'am...
such a terrible shame about the first mrs windsor...
and she had such great knockers too
no you cannot help yourself to my compost, you crazy old buzzard...
now get off my property before i call the police
duchess of popcorn: "may i have a go on your cucumber?"
duchess of popcorn: "may i try your cucumber?"
my husband's got no time for me, he's only into trees
fancy a root, ma'am?
my partner needs to harvest at least 100 plants each month...
but don't worry, it's all for personal use
yes, to be honest, my husband's really no longer interested in me...
but oddly enough, when i disguise myself as an oak tree, he's straight up me
one has a persistent little problem with browning on one's hydrangeas, mr don
yes, to be honest, my husband's really no longer interested in me as a woman...
but oddly enough, when i disguise myself as an oak tree, he's straight up me
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