Wednesday, 22 March 2017

AN IRA PRESS STATEMENT

 THE ARMED STRUGGLE RETURNS.

 

Speaking from his coffin, Tony Blair's great friend, Marty PsychoKiller, 

Hey, youse, youse out there, can youse hear me?


said that it was unacceptable, so it was, utterly unacceptable for people to bomb parliamentarians like himself, going about their lawful business, so it was.  

BRIGHTON ROCKS.
ONE OF MARTY'S GREATEST HITS.

We, in the Provisional IRA utterly condemn acts of terrorism against unarmed people 
 
AND THE HYDE PARK GIDDY-UP
ANOTHER FROM THE MARTY SONGBOOK.
and those responsible should be hunted down and punished to the full extent of the law, so they should, and they should definitely not be classed as political prisoners, because they're just common criminals, so they are, and they most definitely should not be allowed out of jail and put in government. 
That's just madness, so it is and a total affront to those people who've lost their limbs and lives and families in such a cowardly attack as this, I mean, putting mass murderers in parliament, well, it's just taking the piss, so it is, and we condemn it utterly. 


In Scotland, First Minister, Wee Gnasher, 


screwed-up her wee rodent's arse of a face and said that this was exactly why Scotland needed millions more immigrants to come and settle in her country, just not English ones. It also proved, she continued, that Donald Trump's policy of excluding immigrants from certain countries until they had been thoroughly screened was just pure mental. If millions a terrorists come tae Scoatland, which, I would remind people, is the sovereign will of the Scoattish people, well, any a they ones who have ambitions tae blow people tae fuck will just be able tae walk doon tae England and do it there.  No, I wouldnae tolerate a border between England and Scoatland.  No way, Jose.

49 comments:

Mike said...

Call me a bloodthirsty pervert if you like, but I would have preferred it if the bearded one had managed to get amongst the honourables and right-honourables for half an hour or so.

callmeishmael said...

Oh,they'll be awarding themselves the George Cross, anyway, mr mike and probably a pay rise, too, for bravery under fire. It will certainly wrongfoot the Tribesmen and the Remoaners.

Dick the Prick said...

There's a few of them who genuinely think they were the targets - it's rather mental. I'm no security expert but a guy with a bread knife would have to be some kind of awesome ninja to get past a few mommazboyz with automatic guns. As per Mr Mike, he went for the wrong targets.

As per your previous thread on McKneecaps - it's a bit weird that they don't stick to proper targets rather than punters; it's depressingly cunty.

callmeishmael said...

I think the Officials did, didn't they, mr dick, soldiers and pillar boxes, that was their thing. It does make Gnasher look like a fifth columnist, this business, the enemy within, the national parliament under attack and Gnasher desperate to secede and join Greater Germany.

mongoose said...

Theresa is a godawful public speaker. Jesus, it's a terrible tuneless whine she lets out. Better than Jezza, of course she was, because he the dim bastard could not separate yesterday's freedom fighter from today's mad wahtever-he-was. ANd notwithstanding the death of the bobby, the security of the Parliamentary estate seems to have been adequate. Twat with breadknife killed at gate - end. Kay Burley. She has to go too.

Fuck me. What a day. Please God, let Vera Lynn live forever, or the telly will be out the window into the road again.

callmeishmael said...

Just be thankful, mr mongoose, that we have Newsnight's bottomless pit of fuckdogs, security experts and thinktankers, queueing up to tell us shit; where DO they find these halfwits, do they keep them in a deep freeze? Fuck me, it's Sir Simon Jenkins, now, MediaMinster's dreary knight and some grinning slaphead. Time for Sir Bradley Walsh, I feel, and his ugly chasers, chasing his ugly contestants. I do believe he is the new Bruce Forsyth, Sir Bradley, he has done very well, I think, for an alcoholic detective sergeant

It may not be too late to appoint Dame Vera prime minister. Mrs Askey is, indeed, a fearful disappointment, but I always said she was, the Dancing Queen.

Matey, anyway, has certainly pissed on Marty's funeral, it won't just be me, making these comparisons.

Mike said...

A responsible Govament (ie one which understood that its first responsibility was the safety of its people) would be actively considering internment, as the first in a 'raft of measures' to deal with the 'clear and present danger'.

mongoose said...

Just a thought, mr i, but if we let Nicola have her McFreedom will you take back all these gobby, self-important and delusional Jocks? The ones that infest the BBC, the telly in general and rUK politics? This empty-headed Laura being the latest appalling example. My half-dead cat has more insight and less prejudice. We'd pass such a measure by acclamation. It'd be a done deal by Monday. And then a New Hadrian's Wall to keep you all nice and safe up there.

Anonymous said...

"attempt to silence our democracy"

"attack on our way of life"

etc

A psychotic dickhead with a car, a breadknife, and a death-wish is hardly the fucking Blitz, though, is it?

v./

callmeishmael said...

Grandstanding and showboating, mr verge, no business like showbusiness. They have no shame.

callmeishmael said...

A responsible govament, mr mike, would sack Bukkake Boy Osborne, instead, they pass him the Andrex as he shits in our face. And in Londonderry Spunky Bill and Gerry Adams tell us that the verminous Kneecaps was not a terrorist but a freedom fighter, it is beyond belief, the two dialogues we are expected to swallow, a lone nutter is a threat to democracy, while an industrial scale, sadistic criminal,who tortured, extorted, bombed and murdered is a distinguished peacemaker.

call me ishmael said...

She is only aping her colleagues in MediaMinster, Laura Kay, mr mongoose; Tracey Askey, Grant Schapps, Huw Welshman, Jon Sox, third rate cliche-mongers and hyperbolists. None of them as bad, however, as Acting Deputy Commissioner Mark Slag, instant neuralgia's what he is. Christ, if they broadcast his press statements to the Talimen or whatever we're calling them today, the beardy bastards'd hurl themselves into the sea, where DO they teach senior policepersons to speak?

Hadrian's Wall is the logical destination of Tribesmanism, which is why it will fail. C'mon Ruth Boy Davidson.

yardarm said...

I line up with Mr Anonymous. Goering`s Finest unloaded tons every night onto London and they just got up and went to work afterwards. Something like this makes the filthsters go into Churchill mode; feeling all heroic while cowering in a huge stone building surrounded by hundreds of armed coppers while being attacked by a cunt with a knife. Just saw Kneecaps funeral on the PBBC. Spunkin`' Bill Clinton also ain`t long for this world by the look of him. So there is something to look forward to.

callmeishmael said...

I wouldn't have touched Marty's coffin with a barge pole, never mind give it a pat, like Spunky Bill did, still, he's plenty diseased already, and he must have ballsache, bigtime, after not getting to be the First Spunkster Gentleman.

Yes, mr yardarm, I thought Mrs Askey was channeling the Dear Old Queen Mum, when, after a bit of shrapnel hit Buckingham Palace in the Blitz, she said, At least now one can look those East End creatures in the eye. Silly cow, she demeans everything, I was half expecting her version of Our Finest Hour.

Mike said...

The lone nutter with a breadknife is a bit too simplistic. A pattern is emerging which didn't exist in my day. MI5 have thousands of these nutters under observation, allegedly stretching MI5 capability to breaking point. Its time for a systemic response, not the stiff upper lip and carry on as if nothing happened.

call me ishmael said...

But what is the response, mr mike? Internment was the Provos' recruiting sergean; re-education or deradicalising cannot work in a Twittering Facebook world, the didn't even work in the incommunicado worlds of the Soviet Gulags.

Cameron's Aspiration is little mentioned, now, but the idea of it is absurd, wages haven't moved in fifteen years, apart from for MPs and Filthsters; business, here, in the Uk, demands low wages, topped-up slightly by taxpayer-funded tax credits or else it will stop paying the parliamentarians their bungs; the banks forbid the building of cheap and affordable social housing -where would they be, the thieving fucking bastards, if there was sufficient affordable housing? Business, banks and government ensure that the soil conditions for Alienation's flowers are perfect. The Aspiration of many is to both eat and keep warm.

People don't have to be Muslim or pseudo-Musalim to be utterly, hopelessly pissed-off. The sewer-filthiness of Monarchy, Church, Press, Parliament, Banking and the PBC all force-feed the radical desperation of so many. The wonder is that such events as yesterday's aren't happening hourly, that half the population isn't engaged in policing the other half. These circumstances, where people are seduced and comforted by a set of absurd Mohammedan or Irish or Scottish nationalit superstitions, these, mr mike, are the Chronicles of Ruin. Read 'em and weep.

call me ishmael said...

Heroicism, there's no other word for it, what we owe the police. Not a slip of the tongue, he said it twice, just now. On Question Time, Her Majesty's Minster for Policing. Heroicism.

Mike said...

Keystonecopism is what I call it, Mr I.

On the very spot where the IRA blew up Airey Neave (some topical symmetry there), where there is an abundance of armed security and the country on severe threat level, some fat bearded muslim bloke runs through the gate and stabs a copper to death.

A big fail by any measure.

As Trump said, until you are prepared to declare what the problem is there is no hope of solving it. Lots of denial going on at present.

callmeishmael said...

Be glad, mr mike, that you aren't watching QT and This Week, I thought Andy Neil was going to burst a blood vessel, hurling abuse down the camera at the dead knifeman, he must have Alzheimers. All the QT panel were of a mind that torture and mass murder are atoned for by being in government. Marty was way worse than Ian Brady, was the worst sadistic serial killer in British history and perhaps ultimately, as you often suggest, a traitor to his own gang, owned by the Msters, 5 or 6. Respec' bro.

mongoose said...

Listening to the radio earlier, an "expert" said that visibly armed policemen have to go around in pairs. Just very because anyone can walk up behind one and kill them with a breadknife thereby winning a highly dangerous weapon. It is a daunting thought and I do not know if it is the case but I repeat it for what it is. In the face of this and the honourable conduct of the fallen unarmed man, I alas must preddict that the 'assault on democracy' schtick will very soon give way to a further assault on the freedom of the people.

Bercow I thought had been taking lessons overnight from the corpse of John Geilgud. What a pig the man is. And please can Mr Cox shut the fuck up. I am sorry for his loss but that is no qualification for further incontinent yattering.

call me ishmael said...

It's often like looking through a screen into a loonybin, grateful that one is not thus confined, imagining one's importance, one's erudition, spouting cliches learned from Hollywood, imagining that one's every jibbering utterance is witty, profound and provocative.

What I always say is better a policeman than me - he joined-up, took an oath, a salary and a pension, if he falls his kin will be supported and his memory honoured; it's his job to stand between me and outlaw danger, the occasional one hurls himself into the breach but many stand around, awaiting a health and safety assessment; many of them shoot first and make up the truth later I thought the table leg under the Irishman's arm was an RPG, I really did. And it's a good job LadyCommissioner Clarissa Cock wasn't on duty yesterday or there'd have been a slaughter of suntanned folks on the Tube.

All this bollock about how we won't let the blackfellows change our way of life. Not half. I am a citizen-suspect in my own country, often searched and partially unclothed, humiliated by minimum-wage fuckdogs at airports. That despicable cunt, Blind Boy blunkett nearly had me carrying an ID card and being subject to ninety days detention and Mrs Askey feels entitled to read my emails, monitor my search history and listen to my telephone calls, cheeky fucking mutton-dressed-as-lamb baggage.

I have not seen or heard about Mr Cox but I am sure he is a completely insufferable arsehole, like his late missus.

I can no longer tolerate Mr Tiny Speaker, not after his Trumping debacle, he is not the right person for the post, but then none of them are.

Doug Shoulders said...

Considering their hysterics at Brexit and the Trumphs being POTUS via democratic election, The "attempt to silence our democracy" proclamation is a bit rich. Billy no mates with no pals to tell him not to take a knife to a gunfight.
As alluded to here by yourself and others this will probably add another half an hour to the half hour flight to that part of the UK across the water. Trousers off this time maybe.

callmeishmael said...

Not to mention the last government insisting blithely that we, the people, had elected a coalition, urging it ti to attack disabled and vulnerable people, when we had done nothing of the sort, Dave TopHat and Spermy Junky George simply being too cowardly and inept to run a minority government. Instead, the public schoolboy Tories, including that worthless pussywhippef cunt, Clegg - even his name sounds like that of an oily half-wit from a comic opera - launced a vicious and undemocratic attack on the victims of GonzoBank, happily wreaking vengeance on a public which had caught them all with their hands in the till. And now this dreadful, stuttering, painted old harpy, a Tory banker, married to a Tory tax-dodge adviser burbles on about democracy, as though she wasn't straddling a legislature stuffed with braying, thieving degenerates.

Too true, mr doug, some Security Corp, owned by filth like Sergeant Mick Fallon will soon cast us as les sand cullottes nouvelle, the Trouserless, our arses bared for state insoection.

yardarm said...

What was it Viz used to have, years ago, The Bottom Inspectors ? Wait long enough and it will come around.

mongoose said...

And what is all this "radicalisation" bollocks anyway. I think we both know our share of the stupid fucking Irish who got themselves radicalised by whatever excuse they put forward so that they could have a ruck. Don't we all know young men who are just violent cunts? Well, some of them never grow up. Now, one doesn't even have to that, one can just fuck off to Syria and get issued with some proper killing kit. The army has its share I am sure and everyone else knows who they are too. Unfortunately it is now possible to just join the bobbies and get yourself fully tooled-up too. This seems to me a backward step. Just look, the fuck, at America for what happens when you give guns to enough stupid and/or violent people. It ends up with everybody having to have ten shooters just to sure to get to the shops and back.

I digress but there is an insidious, gentle as yet, and barely implied bit of shit-stirring going on about St Tobias the Good. Apparently he turned up some seconds later than a pair of other Forces lads who went to help the stricken copper. Perhaps he had fifty yards further to run towards the sound of the guns, lads. That makes him 50-yards-worth braver doesn't it? Just watch out for the snide undercutting. The Beeb has adopted it now and pressages its clarification with "Tory MP, Tobias Blather". It's a sure sign of a JCR stoner flexing his mental muscles in pursuit of his Tooting Bec bedsit revolution.

Woman on a Raft said...

Mr Raft, who is nothing to do with this, just happened to be in an office in the area and so was caught in the lock-down. He said it was hell; he had only a banana and half a packet of biscuits, and he felt obliged to share the biscuits although there were not takers for half a nana. The water and tea held up, though, and by the grace of God there was enough milk if you can bear those UHT pustules. Better than nothing. Aye, it were grim.

All over the city they are setting up emergency lockers with spare loo paper and bottled water, just in case. I'm thinking of setting up a company which supplies over-night lock-down packs and updates them. Every three months I could send in a fresh emergency supplies and the old ones can be used up on watering the plants or whatever.

call eishmael said...

Grant Schitts/Micky Green, he, too is a hero, mr mongoose, having had security training when he was a visiting minister out in Somalia, before he was too disgraced even for government. The news landscape is peopleid with derringdoers of every stripe, even Laura Kay withstood the siege, on behalf of her viewers, Andy Neil, as I mentioned, although not on tne front line, fulminated in as near racist a fashion as the PBC would permit from a disgusting old playboy, seeing him snarling into the camera about what a France-dwelling Brit like himself would and would not tolerate from nignogs made one realise that Andy is the true sire of Kelvin McFilth and all the other great patriot slags of skymadeupnewsandfilth.

I think it beholden, however, on Old Queen Brenda, before she departs for Royal Heaven, to strike a medal for all MPs who so bravely cowered, as instructed, for so many hours, before heroically doing TeeVee interviews and writing newspaper columns, and who could deny our British Bulldoggers a payrise, after such sacrifice. And there should be a Queen's commendation for all the journalist who so bravely covered the story and blew it out if all proportion.. Perhaps, recognising mr woman on a raft's ordeal, it could be called the Order of the Banana.

callmeishmael said...

I have stopped flying around Scotland, mr yardarm, always now drive, for fear of killiing an airport security fuckdog. or being shot by one of Gnasher's HoecklerCops. Having a StatzPolizi, it's just so Scoattish, so nationalist.

mongoose said...

I picture Mr Robinson Crusoe Raft on some deserted shore hewing down palm trees and winning his rafts from the wilderness. Muscles rippling doubtless, and Mrs Raft patiently crocheting antimaccassars ready for the day when civilisation is regained. That he can be sustained in his labours by but half-a-banana at a time amazes me.

Yes, I saw the Rughead blathering on. Churchillian it was not.

callmeishmael said...

Were they to join forces with mr narcolept he could doubtless fashion them a motorcycle from palm trees and washed-up plastic bottles upon which tney could cycle around the island, looking for natives to civilise.

There was something deeply unpleasant about Neil's rant, something SeeYouJimmy? about it, just a gobby Glaswegian fuckhead bully. A case of champagr is reserved for his joyous croaking, the poisonous old cunt. Railways Queen Portillo pouted his compliments on what he called Neil's Nice Piece. I turned it off when Postman Pat started philosophising.

inmate said...

Mr Ishmael, you missed the best part of Rughead's programme, the Postman told the nation of his daring-do, coming up from the tube and wondering why everyone was looking not at him but to the chaos that had ensued with this attack on Democracy. How he couldn't get into his locked bunker, his brave spads and sekateries holding out for five hours, while battle raged.
Postie was at a loss what to do until he found a camera to breathlessly, bravely report of his'close shave' with death at the hands of the Religion of Peace. What a cunt he is.

walter said...

So fat eck says marty kneecaps was a friend of Scotland,tell that to the wives,girlfriends, parents, children of Scottish Soldiers murdered in Ulster, the fat useless cunt!

Mike said...

So Mrs Askey has signed the letter. Although I'm not much of a fan, history could well judge her to be one of the greatest PMs - if she plays her cards right. And, frankly, its not a difficult hand to play.

Woman on a Raft said...

The devil will be in the details. Watch out for the weasel-world 'acquis'. This is the body of law which she is proposing to call in to UK law directly in exactly the way your software updates whether you want it to or not.

OTOH Yasmin Alibhai Brown is going stone raving mad. That is usually a good sign. She has apparently fallen out with members of her family who failed to follow her instructions to vote Remain.

mongoose said...

Mrs Askey, Mr Mike, has a reputation for brinksmanship. Apparently she left many Home Office negotiations and such until the last miniute. So it will be this time too, if she has any sense. Let 'em hang. "Nothingis agreed until it all is agreed." Not much would substantively happen until the last weeks - unless the EU collapsed under its own weight of contradictions. Resulting in? WTO terms, no divorce settlement, and eastern Europe can fight off Uncle Vlad with its own resources. Angela cannot allow that to happen. The best she can hope for perhaps is that May falls before the time elapses, and then Osborn treason can be arranged over a Brussells supper.

Mike said...

Mr mongoose: I thought the letter was pretty good, although (naturally) a bit repetitive with the "...and don't forget security".

Also, setting out the "WTO terms, no divorce settlement, and eastern Europe can fight off Uncle Vlad" as the fall-back option is a strong card, as this is the best option IMO, and probably where it will end up. If it were not for PR purposes, at the first sign of aggro, if I were May I would walk out and tell them to get fucked.

May has all the cards in her hand, and just has to deliver. I hope she has the right civil servants around her, and she keeps her nerve.

All in all, happy days. Bound to be some cock-ups though to keep it all interesting.

Mrs WoaR: absorbing the Acquis into British law is the only logical step, but it will need sifting through PDQ. Some bright spark could develop some software to do this, I'm sure.

mongoose said...

But then we just had that Mariella Frostrupp on the radio prattling with Emma Barnett about "breaking up by letter". The pair of them imagining that Theresa had sat herself down with a biro in a tear-stained bedsit and penned a Dear John to the EU. FFS, the BBC, eh? I despair.

Whoever wrote the two-year deaadline clause will never work for the EU again. It cuts them off at the knees. So, Mr Mike, I too would give them nothing. The elephant in the room is that the Single Market is a monstrosity, membership of it a ball-and-chain. There is then no negotiation to be done from the UK side because there is no sanction, and they have nothing very much that we want. We are dumping liabilities, not trying to save assets. One imagines that in its sclerotic heart, the EU know this. So Germany pays and the UK offers a few quid in the kitty for orderliness sake, or it all goes tits up. Indeed done artfully from Theresa's side, the SNP is brought silently but viciously to heel as Devo-Max milk monitors. (New oil found off the West of Scotland. Now there's a funny thing.) And even the Republic of Ireland finds itself back into de facto dominion status, a client Guinness-and-taters state. Trust Corbyn - who I begin to think might just be a bit dim - trust him to get that 180 degrees wrong yesterday. It will set Devalera spinning in his grave though, the bastard.

Doug Shoulders said...

Project Fear becomes Project Actual Fact and the moaning becomes screeching. All those Brussels lackeys desperate to hold onto their various stipends.
Sturgeons piece is a dog n’ pony show. Carry on regardless. Carry on up yer kilt hooch.
Oil off the west coast of Scotland has been a rumour since I was a laddie. A huge port at Hunterston to rival Rotterdam...that was another one.

Dick the Prick said...

Best not to say anything - no comment!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b043xkyb

Dick the Prick said...

'What the papers say' was an ace programme. Boo!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Easter
-richard

Woman on a Raft said...

Hope the weather is improving. It has been mild here and the first brood of blackbird chicks have successfully fledged.

Doug Shoulders said...

We had quite a hard frost this morning. -4. Hope our handsome chaps little-uns survived it.
Bit of a shock to the system that ‘suppose.
Almost as much of a fright as the labour leader would’ve got at shortly after 11.15am.

mongoose said...

Don't know if foxes are being shot, chickens are coming home to roost or whether the circling vultures just got tired but we are about to witness a terrible Foot-like massacre.

A mischief-making Jezza could oppose the GE and make Iron Theresa repeal the Fixed Term Act- if she can. I wonder how long it would take. He can be in no worse a position to the one he is in this minute.

inmate said...

Could be the end of Labour as we know it, mr mongoose, this GE. The beginning of the one-party state we have feared for so long. Brexit lite,or no brexit at all, grammar schools for our betters, local Sturmbannführers in the bigger cities and an Enabling act, you know it makes sense. Seig Hiel.

mrs narcolept said...

My dear mr narcolept would like nothing better than the chance to fashion rudimentary vehicles out of flotsam and jetsam. He came home the other day with three wheels he had found by the river at low tide. Anything to take his mind off politics.

Doug Shoulders said...

So that's where the Christy Minstrels met their demise.
I hope Mr Ishmael is merely on a Sabbatical.

Anonymous said...

Mr.Ish,

cheers from.

Dr. Yllek

mongoose said...

Where are you, Mr Ishmael? Selling ice creams to the cruise ship punters? Surely not.

I do believe that Jeremy is burning it down. This at least means a new SDP to yell at. Deja vu all over again.

I hope that you are as well as can be expected. Speak unto the masses, mon brave.