TOP GENERAL ACTS TO STAMP OUT RELIGIOUS FIRE.
Brigadier General Hiram T Motherfucker the Third, Commander of Nato ( ie US ) forces in Afghanistan said today that Good God Almighty he was pissing ground glass over the news that some of his gang-raping, crewcut, psychobastard mommasboys, or US elite special forces to give them their stage name, had burnt the fuck our of a pile of holy Quu''rans,or however the Fucking Jeseus you spell that shit, why cain't these raghead cocksuckers read a proper fucking Bible, like decent fucking Christians, enquired the General testily, what is all this shit, these beardy cunts throwing thenselves down on the ground five times a fuckling day, we never done none of this shit in West Point, God bless me, Jesus, and pass the napalm that I might smite thy nigger enemies and roast their heathen black asses, that's as much scripture as any decent Godfearin' warrior motherrfucker needs to know. Anyway,added Old Uncle Tom, as he is fondly known by his troops, I can only apologise to our Afghani subjects, I mean hosts, for this most terrible event and I do hereby solemnly promise to them that if anybody in future sets fire to any of that holy shit my orders are that they are, to the last man, piss on them books immediately and put the flames out before giving them back to the folks what read them. Winning hearts and minds, that's what Uncle Sam is good at.
US SPECIAL FORCES AT CHURCH PARADE.
Elsewhere in the troubled country the puppet emperor, Mr Khazi, a well-known pimp, bandit and drug dealer, said, This is a terrible affront to the dignity of my people and I cannot turn a blind eye to it. Unless another billion dollars is placed in my Swiss bank account, toute suite.
Without this happening I cannot guarantee the heroin trade which is so useful to us all, especially my partners in the Central Intelligence. Agency.