The chronicles of Ruin, continued.
Call me Ishmael said....intelligence is knowing what to do when you don't know what to do.
Anonymous said... When I don't know what to do,I come here.
10 September 2009 22:59
Is that a withered gladiolus or are you just pleased to see me? (Brian swore I'd be meeting a butch kind of Mellors type of chap, not an Edna Everage tribute act. Bladdy hell.) Got a fag? I do like the faded fez look your gardeners have adopted - rather skinny, though, can't you feed them a few scraps? Probably needed for compost, I suppose. The scraps, I mean...
God bless you, mr ultrapox, your captions are hilarious!But for elegant simplicity, I'm going with mr mike's: "Ah, Camelia...."
Pray continue, Ishmaelites - competition open until I post today's Sunday Ishmael - which will be some time yet, given the plethora of good things to rip the piss out of that this week has yielded.
Is that a withered gladiolus or are you just pleased to see me? (Brian swore I'd be meeting a butch kind of Mellors type of chap, not an Edna Everage tribute act. Bladdy hell.) Got a fag? I do like the faded fez look your gardeners have adopted - rather skinny, though, can't you feed them a few scraps? Probably needed for compost, I suppose. The scraps, I mean...
ReplyDeletev./
are you bill or ben?
ReplyDeletei'm investigating the suspected abduction and dismemberment of the flowerpot men...
ReplyDeleteyou wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, madam?
my partner needs to harvest a crop of about 100 plants every month...
ReplyDeletebut don't worry, it's all for personal use
Ah, Camelia.
ReplyDeletemr mike,
ReplyDeletejust coz i've got two humps, it doesn't make me a camel, dear
oh fiddlesticks, you beat me to it, mr highgrove-hippy - i was going to say that too
ReplyDeletemagic mushrooms?
ReplyDeleteno, i'm afraid we don't grow that sort-of-thing on this manor, madam
please mind where you wave your thingy, young man
ReplyDeletelook doll, here's the deal: either you and charlie-boy go fully organic - or you get one of these up yer frock
ReplyDeletedue to the impending climate-apocalypse, my husband set his heart on building one of those big boaty-things...
ReplyDeleteya, so we've invited boris and carrie babymachine along for the cruise...
and if you and mrs gardener wish to come aboard for the ride too, you're welcome to bring your seeds and do some fertilizing
@an antediluvian arsehole in the establishment-zoo
ReplyDeletefuck, get me on the first flight to mars
why is it always i who am the satirical subject of these caption-competitions?
ReplyDeletehow come that fat fuck fergie never gets to be piggy-in-the-middle?
duchess: "i know, it's amazing what i find growing in my private wildflower-meadow"
ReplyDeleteduchess of sweetcorn: "fancy a shag in the shed?"
ReplyDeleteoh ya, use the crop on me, baby
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, mr ultrapox, your captions are hilarious!But for elegant simplicity, I'm going with mr mike's: "Ah, Camelia...."
ReplyDeletePray continue, Ishmaelites - competition open until I post today's Sunday Ishmael - which will be some time yet, given the plethora of good things to rip the piss out of that this week has yielded.
between you and me monty, i rather hope mrs ishmael gets her tits caught in the mangle
ReplyDeleteoh dear, pulling out the weeds is all rather brutal and eugenicist, don't you think...?
ReplyDeletemy husband just prefers to give them a good talking to
oh yes, ma'am...
ReplyDeletesuch a terrible shame about the first mrs windsor...
and she had such great knockers too
no you cannot help yourself to my compost, you crazy old buzzard...
ReplyDeletenow get off my property before i call the police
duchess of popcorn: "may i have a go on your cucumber?"
ReplyDeleteduchess of popcorn: "may i try your cucumber?"
ReplyDeletemy husband's got no time for me, he's only into trees
ReplyDeletefancy a root, ma'am?
ReplyDeletemy partner needs to harvest at least 100 plants each month...
ReplyDeletebut don't worry, it's all for personal use
yes, to be honest, my husband's really no longer interested in me...
ReplyDeletebut oddly enough, when i disguise myself as an oak tree, he's straight up me
one has a persistent little problem with browning on one's hydrangeas, mr don
ReplyDeleteyes, to be honest, my husband's really no longer interested in me as a woman...
ReplyDeletebut oddly enough, when i disguise myself as an oak tree, he's straight up me